Hey all,<P>There is something you can do. Check out <A HREF="http://walc4u.bizland.com" TARGET=_blank>http://walc4u.bizland.com</A> or <A HREF="http://www.egroups.com/group/walc4u" TARGET=_blank>http://www.egroups.com/group/walc4u</A> <P>It's a new organization (so the web page is still under construction) that wants to help people like us do something about the legal aspects of divorce, adultery, and unfair child support laws. <P>Share your stories about how the OW and OC ruined your life there. Get people who are in a position and have the drive to do something to do something about this! <P>MB is great for moral and emotional support, but it is time these OW stopped getting away with this stuff. If you ask me, there should be legal ramifications too. <P>Why not help form a large lobbying body to make sure there are consequences and that those that are already in place (like the "Alienation of Affection" laws) are enforced with more than just a slap on the wrist? There are many more legitimate wives (I think) than OWs and cheating spouses. Let's help each other and make a difference in our own lives and our daughter's lives. <P>Why are we the ones hiding in shame? Let's put the OWs back in their place and create a public outcry for the outrageous way our legal system has treated us.

At one point I consulted a lawyer. There are no alientation laws in our state. I asked about other states. They travel all over and so I know that adultery would have happened in states where there might be these laws. He told me that I would have to prove that the OW pursued my H and she did not pursue him. I didn't know if I could prove that. SHE says he pursued her. My H says she pursued him. I guess I still want to believe him.

Popeye: THANK YOU...you know I will be there.<P>Discarded: I am suing for Personjal Injury as the Alienation of Affection laws are weak. The OW has personally injured me and changed my life forever. Now she will have to feel the humiliation and angst that has been a part of my life for the past two years...<P>Check with the right attorney and find out what you CAN sue her for.<P>Catnip =^^=

Popeye,<BR> Thank you so very much!!!! I have been searching in vain for some place that would do something to her, but have been repeatedly told that there was nothing I could do. It is way past time that these rejects find out that they cannot just do as they please and get away without consequences. Thank you for the tip. We all do need to pull together to make some changes, to show these women that they have to find some other way to make a living.

I am still hoping that someday my husband will come to his senses. He has left me for the OW so I am in a different situation than you are. If I sued the OW, that would be sure to drive him away permanently. But I wish you all the luck in the world. We all deserve to get some kind of satisfaction for the pain they put us through. I wish I could sue her but I really have nothing to sue her for. My husband seems to be perfectly willing to destroy me and our marriage for her.

Popeye, <BR> Thank you for the info. Please see my post "Heavenly, you could be the key...." I agree 100% with you and others. I, for one, am tired of being the long-suffering wife while the OW and OC get all the breaks legally and otherwise. <BR> I don't care HOW the OW may have been deceived, lied to, etc. by a WS, they and the WS had a CHOICE, and we are left to pick up the pieces of broken lives and broken families. There are hundreds of laws supposedly protecting comsumers from unscrupulous business practices, unsafe products, expired foods, practicing various professions without a license, etc. These laws are designed to discourage people who don't give a damn about anyone but themselves from harming the rest of us. Yet there isn't one single law in any state designed to discourage people from harming marriages and families. And NO, that isn't comparing apples to oranges! In some states, men who visit prostitutes and are arrested get their pictures published in the newspaper! What a concept!!!<BR> If anyone has any ideas for organizing, I'll join the group. I think it would help us feel a little better about what has happened if we could do something to prevent this from happening to at least a few other innocent families.<BR>

Popeye, <BR> Thank you for the info. Please see my post "Heavenly, you could be the key...." I agree 100% with you and others. I, for one, am tired of being the long-suffering wife while the OW and OC get all the breaks legally and otherwise. <BR> I don't care HOW the OW may have been deceived, lied to, etc. by a WS, they and the WS had a CHOICE, and we are left to pick up the pieces of broken lives and broken families. There are hundreds of laws supposedly protecting comsumers from unscrupulous business practices, unsafe products, expired foods, practicing various professions without a license, etc. These laws are designed to discourage people who don't give a damn about anyone but themselves from harming the rest of us. Yet there isn't one single law in any state designed to discourage people from harming marriages and families. And NO, that isn't comparing apples to oranges! In some states, men who visit prostitutes and are arrested get their pictures published in the newspaper! What a concept!!!<BR> If anyone has any ideas for organizing, I'll join the group. I think it would help us feel a little better about what has happened if we could do something to prevent this from happening to at least a few other innocent families.<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by anniem:<BR><B> There are hundreds of laws supposedly protecting comsumers from unscrupulous business practices, unsafe products, expired foods, practicing various professions without a license, etc. These laws are designed to discourage people who don't give a damn about anyone but themselves from harming the rest of us. Yet there isn't one single law in any state designed to discourage people from harming marriages and families. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Actually there is. I found out about it from the same web site, and Catnip seems to have filed her suit based on this tort. It is a personal injury, civil suit, based on the Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress law. You have to prove that she willfully did something (like harassment) to cause severe emotional distress with reckless disregard for theat result and that emotional distress did occur. She can be made to stop her behaviour and/or monetary damages can be awarded. I don't know how bit the awards are in cases like this, but I'd say it's worth it. It's time they got some payback. They can't just continue to walk all over us feeling like, "So what? What's she going to do!"

Popeye and others, <BR> You are correct in your info about torts--lawsuits filed against someone or some business who has damaged you in some way. However, what I have learned as I search for an attorney to represent me in such a lawsuit is this.<BR> Most torts have to do with physical injury (like slipping on someone's sidewalk, spilling hot coffee in your lap[remember the suit against McDonald's?], or your child being injured by a toy with sharp corners.) To prevail, a plaintiff always has to show some kind of physical and/or monetary loss, such as not being able to work, having to pay huge medical bills, etc. In my state (Indiana), the emotional part comes in as a RESULT of the other stuff. <BR> I've been told that simply to say "I cry 24 hours a day" or "I'm so deeply depressed, that I don't want to live, and it's all HER (OW) fault" is not good enough. You have to be able to PROVE that what the person did was intentional and cost you money, either in the form of prescriptions (anti-depressents)/ medical/psychiatric bills, OR loss of your job/income, etc.<BR> I'm told that lawsuits like I would like to file can be VERY tough to prove. Apparently the law doesn't much care about emotional pain/despair/sadness unless it costs us money. Also, even if one succeeds in winning a lawsuit like that, it is very unlikely that the guilty party will be able to pay much, if anything. The Court will merely render a judgment against the person for an amount. It's then up to the plaintiff to collect it. That means that the plaintiff's lawyer might be looking at no money from which to take his/her "cut" if the suit is filed on a contingency basis. Since most personal injury cases usually involve collecting from someone's insurance company, attorneys are only too happy to file those kinds of suits. But most are unwilling to work for $10 down, and $5 a week for eternity! <BR> This was the reason for my post asking Heavenly who IS an attorney to find some attorneys nation-wide willing to take on a case simply because it's right and not necessary a money-maker. If the several attorneys I have talked with about this are examples, I don't think finding one whose interest in justice and integrity is greater than their interest in $$$$ will be an easy task. <BR> I refuse to give up, however. If it the last thing I do in life, the OW who has so ruthlessly damaged my family will be forced to accept the consequences of her own choices and actions. So far, my sons and I have been the ones suffering the consequences of her actions, and I intend to change all that. <p>[This message has been edited by anniem (edited September 11, 2000).]

First of all I would like to say to "Discarded" how sorry I am that her H was not willing to work on the marriage. Perhaps with time, he will tire of the OW and you may be able to reconcile - if that is what you want. <P>Secondly, I am truly sorry that I cannot agree with the concept of suing the OW. There were TWO parties at the conception of the OC in my life. I don't believe the OW bears any more responsibility than my own H who is an adult, who clearly understood his marriage vows, and who chose to have it both ways. The only difference that I see between the two of them is that I am in love with one of them and so I have chosen to forgive him. <P>No matter how contemptible I find the situation, his actions created a responsibility on the side of the OW that I cannot deny. In my case, yes, he told her lies. He told her he loved her. He made her believe that they had a chance at some type of future together. <P>It is painful to admit but, in some cases, our husbands gave these women the impression that they were unhappy with us and looking for new lives. That's what hurts me the most - the fact that my H denied his feelings for me and our family.<P>I know it sounds like the law is callous, but it is difficult to quantify pain and suffering. Very few women would be successful in the type of lawsuits that have been mentioned in these posts. As an example, Catnip might have an excellent case due to the fact that her H has a medical/emotional condition that may have enabled the OW to victimize him. <P>I have not had the time -- thanks to an incredible workload and trying to keep my emotional self in line -- to delve deeply into anniem's request that I provide the names of lawyers who might be interested in taking such cases. But, for those of you who think it will help, I will do a little research and see what I come up with.<P>- Heavenly