Well guys.. I am sorry I have not been very helpful in regards to input, etc., lately...<BR>Right now everything is a complete disaster..<BR>I have been very ill lately and for the most part I have had to rely on my friends to help me with the boys. I haven't denied xMM access to the boys, but I have been denying him access to me which has been making him VERY angry. So, xMM has decided in his infinite wisdom(NOT!)that because of my health problems,(well that is HIS excuse) that I am neglecting the twins. He is deciding that making my life he** is his goal in life. <BR>I got home from the dr.s yesterday (after finding out some not so good news) to have social services at my doorstep. They are doing a full scale investigation because "their father wants to make sure that thier home environment is appropriate". This is just what I needed. It seems I can't win for trying! He decides to tell his W everything a YEAR plus after I break it off. He is p'd off because I am abiding to HER rules (which she is more than entitled to adhere to me), and I am not denying him any access to the boys even though he is a drunk,etc., and I am STILL being punished by him. I just can't take this anymore!Shortly after the visit he called to gloat and say "if you would just talk to me it wouldn't have to go this far, we can still be together, stop this game you are playing and I'll stop mine". I just can't take this!!!! Sorry guys I just needed to vent or something I guess..<BR> I hope everyone here is o.k. I'll try to respond to some of you guys instead of being so worried about myself. Sorry.....<P><BR>

Duranie:<P>If he's stupid enough to be calling you and telling you this stuff, I'd suggest that you start taping all your calls. Once you get evidence, a lawyer, the police, or social services will be very happy to put this guy in his place.

I completley agree. Its reasons like this that I think some Social Service workers miss the "real" cases. Because of pissed off ex's trying to make things harder for the custodial parent. Buy a tape recorder. Call him up and maybe try to get him to talk about it. <P>Then play it back for him and tell him if he doesnt back the *F* up you are playing that tape for his wife, the police and over the loudspeaker at his job. <P>Some people just make me sick sometimes.<P>Good Luck and keep us updated please.

Thanks guys but,police are not an option in my case (several of his family are in the force). I have tried before and literally gotten beaten up for my efforts. That is one of the reason we had stayed together for so long (fear mixed with a warp sense of love).<BR>Who knows, maybe social services will be a blessing in disguise although I doubt it. It might end up backfiring on him. I just see no light at the end of the tunnel. I just can't take this anymore,part of me wishes that my health problems will just take over..I hate this crap.....

Hi Duranie...good to hear from you...sorry about what you are telling us.<BR>I do agree with everyone about recording this psycopath threatening you. Am I correct in saying that social services doesnt have to bow down to the police? Play it for social services. I dont suggest playing it to xMM. No need to play his game. Youll only encourage him. Plus threatening someone who has proven himself to be dangerous is probably putting yourself in danger.<BR>Go above the local police if you must. Heck...maybe you should find a shelter for battered women. Take your kids and go underground. Even if you do not think he is dangerous to your kids...if he ends up killing you where will your twins be?<BR>Please protect yourself Duranie and your children.<BR>BTW does his W know he is still obsessed with you?<BR>I will be praying for you. Please keep us posted.<BR>May God Bless You Duranie.

Durnie,<P>I am so sorry. I agree tape him, not only for the police and social services, but for his wife. If he is still playing her then she should hear from his own mouth what is going on. It is just better if you have proof of his abuse towards you. <P>babstr.

Duranie,<BR>You are in a horrible situation. I agree with BrokenWings. Don't play his game, document everything you can(!), and ask for shelter if necessary. This man is dangerous. Hopefully social services will be on your side SOON!

Duranie:<P>How about a restraining order? File a complaint. When the wife reads that her husband is harassing you and read the information you cite in the order, you may not need police protection, he will...from her.<P>If she has no idea that he is trying to force you or involve you in a relationship with him, perhaps alerting her to his threats would be 'inspiration' enough for him to back off.<P>Tape every conversation, document everything in a notebook, date, time, situation, witnesses...whatever. Keep a journal and a calendar and keep it up to date. Legal aid may have some suggestions or better yet, a shelter for battered women as already suggested.<P>You have lot's of options although it probably doesn't feel like that for you right now with your health in a tenuous state. What he is doing to you could jeopardize your health further, and you cannot allow that to happen. You have too much to deal with, Duranie. Take some offensive overt action. And take care of yourself. You sound like you're all alone in this...do you have any friends or family that can help?<P>Catnip =^^=

Duranie,<BR> I agree, tape him on the phone, and play it for his wife. Every time he contacts you by phone, make a tape of it, especially when he says things like "we can still be together" and things of that nature. I am sure that she will be interested in hearing that from him, in his own voice. Make copies of them, and keep them someplace safe in case he catches on to what you are doing. You don't have to put up with his crap. Be strong. Don't let him get away with it, no matter what you have to do. You have such good advice when it comes to protecting ourselves, protect yourself anyway that you can. Good luck to you, and i hope that things get better.

Guys, thanks for the replies...On the taping issue, it is a very good idea. But, what would I honestly be able to do with the tapes? I can't give them to the police (he has mucho family on the force) and, I could NEVER play it for his wife. My attitude is "why hurt her again". Letting her hear the tapes would hurt her and their kids all over again. She is finally starting to get past this (via info. from mutual froiends) and this would make her re-live it all over again. She doesn't need that right now either.. Besides that, he is a very good b.s'er and he could and would turn it around to make me look like the "pursuer". <BR>That in turn would cause me lots of trouble. She has already threatened me and the twins and cause physical harm to the oldest twin. I can't put them into more jeopardy.. I am just going to cooperate with social services and hope beyond hope that this plan of his will backfire. I just feel stuck between a rock and a hard place...I just wish I weren't so alone.It stinks............<P><BR>

Duranie,<BR>Don't let not knowing who to give them to keep you from making the tapes, getting signed statements from people, or any other documentation of his bad behavior!! IF (and we all hope it doesn't come to it but) IF social services has some concerns about your situation, maybe your health problems, you want to have that documentation to prove that the father/wife is in NO BETTER condition to take custody!!!! Based on what you've told us, that is definately not in the kids' best interests. Trust your instincts and don't use the police, don't involve the wife, but keep documenting in case social services/courts get involved. Do you have any legal help? Can you get some? Hopefully this man doesn't have the whole town wrapped around his finger...<P>Best wishes,<BR>Jenny