Okay, I just want to start out with I am absolutely devistated. My Husband and I have been married for 5 years, and he tells me that the last 2 he has been unhappy. He does not know if He wants to grow old with me. I am totally in love with my husband and I realize that people fall in and out of love a dozen times when they are married, but it still really reall hurts. He tells me that he has had sex with previous girlfriends more than he has had sex with me. He tells me that I am beautiful loveable person, but he just is not happy with me. He tells me that I am his buddy, that I have always been his buddy, and he just doesn't feel romantic with me. There is a HUGE story involved with this. I just don't have time to get into the details. I have always wanted kids, and he has always said that he did not want kids. This in a way has made me shut him out, because I have been sad about the no kids issue. Recently he tells me that he DOES want kids, just not with me (OUCH) He says he could change his mind he just doesn't know. A little something about my husband, he is constantly changing cars. He recently traded a Porche 911 supposedly his dream car for a Hummer, after he only had his porche for 3 months. I always got upset with him when he would trade cars, and I always thought he would trade me in one day too. So here we are. He has said a lot of hurtful things the last couple of months, and I have taken them all with stride. Of course, I probably cried too much, which he says I am using to manipulate him. He says I even manipulated him into getting married, wich I totally don't understand, because he was the one who asked me. We started going to a councelor, and found out that he hit on women, so we just switched to another. I am hoping and praying that We will be able to stay together, but my husband is one of those synical guys who think that therapy is a bunch of bull. Any advice out there? I am about to lose my mind.

SashaQ,
Hi, I understand just how you feel. Please read my post under "Just found out" Feb 5th. Then you'll understand what I'm saying a little better. My husband and I have been dealing with his affair since last month now and it just doesn't seem like it's gotten any better. Just today he told me he's been questioning whether or not it's worth trying to work things out. I asked him to chose between me or her and he didn't, but he did say that right now he does want to be with her. He said that he's trying to forget her and fall back in-love with me but that it's hard.
I can't believe how easily men seem to fall in and out of love. Not just that but then they drop the bomb on us when they tell us that they don't love us anymore or we find out that they're cheating.
I know this must so hard for you. Believe me I'm in the boat right next to you.
This site has really helped me see things a little clearer and it's actually made me a little stronger. There are so many people here who care and give such great advice. Hang in there. I really hope things work out for you. Keep me posted. I'm here if you need to vent.

Thanks for your support. This has to be the worst thing I have ever been through
in my life. I really don't understand it. He hasn't said the L word in about 2 weeks
now and it really hurts. I cry really easy, so he says I am trying to manipulate him,
but that is just the way I am. My emotions are very transparent. (I am happy a lot too,
just not lately). I guess He thinks when I am telling him I love him I am trying to manipulate
him then too. I really just don't get it. I started writing him letters and stashing them for
when we (hopefully) are better. I had started writing them when all of this started coming out, because I just deal with it better that way, I can get all my emotions out without crying, or making him mad. Any way that made him mad, he said I was making him feel guilty. Imagine that making someone feel guilty by spilling your soul and letting them know how much you love them. I just don't get it.

I really hope that you and your husband work things out. Is he willing to go to counceling with you?

I really don't understand all of this.

Sasha,

sorry to hear about that, I have the same problem except it is my wife who says she does not love me. Anyway, read everything on this site. Work on you do no worry about him, go to your doctor and get anti D's, they will help you thru this terrible time. I also advise you to join the Gym and work out use free weights and the bikes. that will help you with the stress. Do not cry around him as that makes him feel pity and that you do not want. Always be happy around him, no one wants to be around a misreable person, but a happy one everyone likes to be around. Work on you and maybe just maybe he will see you as desirable as you want him to. But there is no magic bullet and you have to prepare your mind for the worse. Hold your head high and tell yorself you are a worthy person and then do it.

Good luck
Toyman

Thanks Toyman!
The thing about it is I really was a happy person. It is hard to fake it, when you are down.
I will try my best to take your advice. I have been a member of a gym, but since disaster struck, I have found it hard to go. Thanks again.

Get Michelle Weiner Davis book, Divorce Remedy, and go to her web site, divorcebusting.com. I found this site, there. Read the advice from others going through the same problems. I wish I had know about these sites and books when my husband told me there was another woman. He loves me, but not in love with me anymore. We were married 34yrs. His affair had been going on for 3yrs. He left me 3yrs ago, they have been living together, with her 2 children for a year now. She was a younger married woman, at work, who has had lets see at last count, 4 affairs with married men at work(factory). Don't plead, beg, cry, talk about OW, ask him how he could do this to his family, etc, it will just push him farther away and closer to her. Get yourself under control, read, give God room to work in your life. Take care