Well everyone I am in a tricky Catch 22. My finally after five months of working with a headhunter group got a offer for another job. It is not a huge jump in income, and it would barely cover our bills. But right now we are short $600 a month, which is what the child support is. I quit my job to stay home with our daughter, and by doing that we live check to check. So needless to say when all of this came out there was no way to pay it.<P>If we move, which I guess we have no choice, we will not gain anything. It is a huge move basically putting me farther away from my family the one thing I didn't want to happen. <P>But my biggest dilemma, if we move, and she comes after us for the "proper" amount of cs, we will be right where we are now. It is a roll of the dice. We do not have a court ordered cs yet. We stopped the appeal a while ago. So here my h could be leaving in less than two weeks. Once his notice is put in, she will know. If she beats the paperwork, she could have them investigate his possible new job amount. Her cs would then cost us over, $800! So what should I do? Even if we had the court order she can challenge it within two years. I would just hate to leave everything I love here, for less than what we have already, to end of in the same position. Is it worth the risk? I hate the thought of moving. We have to somehow come up with some money to buy myh clothes for this new job, money to get another car, and moving expenses, where all of that will come from I have no idea. I FEEL THE STRESS BREATHING DOWN MY NECK.<P>By the way, my h would be in another state, new company, and new home for over four weeks before my daughter and I would get there. Like I don't worry enough after all this, to have him away from me that long, and not knowing what is "really" going on. <P>Any advise would be appreaciated. Thanks<P>babstr.

Babstr:<P>Just need to know a couple things...are you moving within the state you live in or to another state? <BR>Is the CS calculated as an overall percentage of your husband's salary or is your salary included in the equation as well?<BR>What is the percentage rate you and your spouse are dealing with?<P>If you are experiencing anxiety over your spouse being alone for four weeks and have suspicions about his behavior while you are apart, I hope you have conveyed this to him and asked for his reassurance. During those four weeks, I would send him cards and phone him daily.<P>If you are concerned that the OW will march down to the court house to have the amount bumped up, she may do just that. It's important you realize this is a very real possibility. <P>I am going through a faux divorce just so the OW can't take any more away from me, and I realize this won't work for many, but it something to consider.<P>Babstr, I understand your anxiety and wish I had some great advice to give you but I can't think of anything except drastic measures that could just cause you even more anxiety and upheaval.<P>I guess the only thing to do now is pray. I'll pray for you, too, Honey. I know you are upset and worried and having a tough time deciding what the right move would be. Let go of it for a while and see where God leads you and let him direct you.<P>BTW, how many children do you have?<P>Catnip =^^=<p>[This message has been edited by catnip (edited September 19, 2000).]

babstr,<BR>from what you just described, it doesn't sound like this move would put you very far ahead...depending on moving/new job expenses, maybe further behind. If the XOW is as predatory as she sounds, good bet she'll go after the increase in income.<P>No answers here, just reflecting what I hear.<BR>What do you want to do in your heart?

Babstr-<BR>My opinion, for what it is worth....<BR>I would NOT move.. Talk to your H about other alternatives. It sounds to me like you are VERY apprehensive about this move (being away from family, $, 4 weeks, etc.) You need to be where you can have emotional support near you. If $ is a major concern have you considered working part-time (so as to not take away too much time from your daughter) in the home (maybe medical transcription, baby-sitting) so you can still be with your daughter? If it is under the "table", it can't be touched in terms of CS (it can't be proven). If this OW is as predatory as you say she is, when she finds out about the new job, etc. she more than likely will go for the additional CS which will put you back to "square one". Think everything through and discuss your concerns with your H. Good luck to you....<P>

Babstr, look into what Catnip says about divorce. While I'd hate to do this myself if it would help our financial situation I'd do so. Is your income included in the CS? If so think about this and then you could stay where you are. <P>Is this "move" decision based upon a possible increase in income in order to pay CS and your bills? If so and you are now saying it wouldn't make a difference then I too wouldn't move. If there were other reasons you need to weigh those as well.<P>Also have you checked into consolidating your bills? Using the equity in your home to combine your other payments? I'm currently looking into this because OC is due in February and we just bought our first house and I don't want to have to sell anything just so we can pay that. I hate to do it but don't have much of a choice. Keep us posted Babstr. I hope you and your H are doing well otherwise. I haven't heard from you in a while. Take Care. <P>------------------<BR>Lost Soulmate<P>"Character is doing what's right, when no one is looking"

Everyone,<P>The move is from Illinois to Ohio. My h right now works with this woman still, in the Army! His job is at a stalling point also, and he hates to go to work. She obviously also lives here in this town. Right now the Army sends my h out of town every week so there is no way for me to work and have someone to watch our daughter. I quit my job as a Criminal Research Scientist, when I had our daughter, who is now 2, the same age as the OC. <P>Basically he was trying to find something so that we could get out of here, and away from her. The job offer wasn't as much money as we thought. I know for a fact that the OW thinks that as time goes on she thinks that eventually there might be contact with the OC. But I am sure she is going to have a fit when she hears that we are moving. <P>A divorce won't help us, otherwise I would do it. I am at home, we can't afford childcare if I did go back to work. Because she went into get child support first, than I would get less than what she does even if we divorced. <P>Right now I am 3 hours from my family, I would then be over 7 hours away. <P>The bottom line, I wish this would all go away. If we were moving to better ourselves than I could be happier. But we will basically be moving so that we can afford the child support. <P>Obviously the biggest advantage is getting away from the OW/OC and I know most of you would agree that is a huge thing in the healing process. Especially with them working together still. My H is in the Army so basically the only change that will provide enough money is going into the private sector. By the way it is based on 20% of his take home pay. We consolidated all of our bills when I quit my job. And we rent our apartment, we can't afford to get a home of our own. <P>So there is more details thanks for your input.<P>babstr.

Babst, my H is also in the army and let me let ya know moving away from the hussy was the best thing we ever did.<BR>Is he getting out? Either way 7 hours is still close enough where you could make the drive in 1 day. Its not so bad. I am 3 days from mine (at least thats how long it took us with a u-haul..lol).<BR>My prayers are with you...I know how wonderful (sarcasm) the army can be.<BR>God Bless...

Dear Babstr,<P>Its a great deal to sort out and making the<BR>right decision isnt so clear. I dont have<BR>much to add except I'll keep you in my <BR>thoughts and hope whatever decision you make<BR>works out best for your family.<BR>Personally I'm all for putting as much <BR>distance betwn myself and ow - it'd be great<BR>if they had to pick up and go! But we're<BR>just getting by for now. Good luck to you.

Babstr,<P>I also believe that getting away from the OW/OC would be well worth the inconvenience of moving. It cannot be a comfortable situation for you right now - with your H working with the OW. <P>The OW in my life also believed that -- as time went on -- my H would be drawn to the OC. And, it almost happened exactly as she planned. He did start sneaking around to see the OC. Luckily I found out.<P>7 hours away from family is not so bad, but keeping him out of the OW/OC picture is priceless in my opinion.<P>Maybe you could look at the move as making a fresh start rather than moving to pay the CS. Good luck to you. I will pray that you make the decision that is right for you.<P>- Heavenly