A month ago, my H admitted to being in love with a coworker. He promised to end it with her, which he DIDN'T. I found out a couple weeks ago. I phoned her at work and confronted her about it. Of course she feels no remorse whatsoever about breaking up my family with 3 children (ages 6, 8 and 10). My husband was severely pissed off and told me he would leave, but he didn't. He recently went on a trip to clear his head. He come back saying he is willing to try to make it work. But he is REALLY down and feels really bad about what this whole terrible ordeal has done to me. He does not want to be here with me and goes out to play hockey with the boys. He says he doesn't love me and doesn't know if he ever will feel love for me. He just sleeps and mopes around when he is here. He is absolutely no fun to be with and I'm starting to wonder whether this is worth it. I'm receiving counselling, have had to take time from work and am on anti-D's and sleeping pills. The whole thing has totally devastated me to the point of feeling suicidal. Why did he do this to me? He asked me to love him and in return, he fell out of love with me. Is this the reward I get? Ultimate rejection?
I don't dare to ask if he has totally ended it with OW for fear he will become angry with me and just leave. Could it be that my husband is incapable of being emotionally involved with me although he fell entirely in emotional love with OW? I don't understand it.

(edited by Murphy)....oh and good luck

Stupid, Please stick to the topic at hand or start your own thread if you have an issue. Thank you.
Murphy

<small>[ March 30, 2003, 10:31 PM: Message edited by: *Murphy* ]</small>

Rockergirl - not sure where Stupid is going with that post, but i felt it appropriate to welcome you to MB. There is a great deal of information here to read. Please spend time reading the emotional needs section and all you can in the concepts section. I will try to help you when I have more time. There are lots of great people here who can answer your questions.

rockergirl, Ignore stupid, stupid is a stupid says. She has never posted any good comments to anyone. She is in such pain that she either enjoys reading others or wants them to be in as much pain as she is. I feel nothing but pity fr her. i hope she can find happiness within herself. Anyway, read everything about this site. Also you will get more responses by posting this in the emotion section(first one). You need to wok on yourself, Go to the gym and work out(free weights not just the bikes and such) Make your self a better person, when you are around him always be happy. This will be extremely difficult but you must, no one wants to be with an unhappy person. If he sees you as a happy and engaging person maybe he will see the light.

Anyway good luck and post it in the emotions section you will ge great advice. Just ignore the ones who are hateful and such. There is another site. www.divorcebusters.com read the section about why the spouses leave and such.

Good luck

Toyman

Thanks a lot toyman. I'm trying to keep my head up, but I'm reminded every day of the fact my H doesn't think he wants to try to make this work or can he even get his head around making it work. I'm also reminded of the fact he loves the OW and not me. But, he's still here.

Hi Rockergirl-
Boy, it sounds like you and I have so much in common...I am pretty sure that my H has been near to or having an EA for the past year. I too expressed concerns over this woman, because she just did not feel right. She too was about to seperate from her husband and I think looking for someone to latch on to. Well my H was ready and waiting. I had recently been very down due to my Mother's continuing battle with Parkinson's disease. She has been hospitalized a lot in the past 2 years and there are many financial and emotional issues that I am required to deal with due to her many problems. We have 2 girls, ages 7&9 and I run my own business. I always worked so hard to make everything "just right" for him, but think that I just started spreading myself too thin. I guess I always thought that I could lean on him. He gave me no indication that he was so unhappy. Basically I discovered him always checking messages on his cell. I had friends tell me that they would see him chat away happily on his cell in the grocery store! I confronted him and he lied for awhile-thru catching him at lies, he finally admitted to me that he and she had been discussing what happens in marriage. How people lose the connection. No wonder, it is hard to keep a connection with someone that total disconnects with you and is sneaking around behind your back. For the past 7 months we have been each going to ICs and he has finally gotten up the nerve to tell me that he does not love me,that his feelings for me are gone and that they are not coming back. Oh yes, he also say that he questions whether we ever had a connection. He still will not admit having any relationship with this other woman or that she has anything to do with this. After reading a lot in books and here, at this site, I realize that many of the things that he is feeling and has said to me are the things that people say when they are involved with OP. I agree with another response to you: the divorcebusters website is great. The book is great as well. Whenever I feel as though I am going to slip, I read it...Over...and Over again...I am trying to follow through on the tactic of giving him his space and being a positive, happy person. I want him to realize what he may be losing if he doesn't get his act together. I have been going out a lot at night and being pretty vague about where I am. I am not talking about our relationship or the idea of the OW at all.(which is almost impossible!) And whenever I get frustrated-I get back online and read about other peoples experiences and their advice and pull myself together. Believe me I know this is all so unfair. It is so hard to imagine that the person you have attached your whole life to is hurting you in such a major way. From what I have read-they just don't get it. They are in such a bizarre place and they just can not think straight. I know that it really doesn't help us...but I guess that is just the way this goes. Try to stay strong and remember that you can only control your own actions, not his. You be the big person and no matter how this plays out, you will know that you have done the best, and tried the hardest for your family. Good luck and keep in touch!

Go for,

Hey sorry to hear that, get into the gym and work out that furstartion, works for me, Anyway the grass is not always greener. He will be in a world of hurt when she gets rid of him. He is a rebound and by that time you might be gone as well. Just work on you, if he is there ok if not ok, Prepare for the worse and if it does not happen then good for you. Nothing makes a man more jealous then his women starting to look real good and dressing up and gong out; then coming back home in a great mood.
He will sart talking to himself and start to realize that maybe he is on the way out not vice versa.
Good Luck
Toyman