I just want to make sure I advised my son the way I should have.<P>My granddaughter was born 8 months after her mother returned home to our son after disappearing with the OM for a month. The estimated due date was almost a month after she was born, and I believe this, as I saw it posted on the hospital wall chart when my DiL was in labor, and my granddaughter was a small baby (5-1/2 lbs). I also believe that this child IS my son's child, because she looks very much like my son did as a child and has some of my own family's genetic characteristics. Also, her blood type is the same as my son's and mine (I don't know what her mother's blood type is.).<P>Anyway, as far as our son and our family is concerned, it makes no difference who her biological father is, she is <B>OURS</B>!!<P>Yesterday, my son saw something on TV (Divorce Court) where a husband was ordered to pay child support to twins who were not his biological children because he had married their mother, knowing that she was pregnant by another man, and voluntarily taking on the role as their father.<P>My son agreed with this, and said that he thought it was low of the guy to decide, fter raising these kids as his own, that he didn't want to support them. He then added that he would never reject his little girl in any way, even though he wonders every day if she is really his child. I told him that I thought she probably was his child, but that if it bothers him so much to wonder about it, he could always get a DNA test. He said, "No, because I don't want to know if she's not mine. I guess it really doesn't make a difference, because I'm her daddy, and she's my little girl and always will be." He then went on to say that the OM had made a remark to him about the baby being his and suggested to the babysitter that she bring the baby to his father's house next door so he could get a look at her, and our son told the OM that he had never asked the OM for anything and didn't want anything from him in regard to the baby and that he had better stay away from his family or else...that the baby is HIS, both legally and in every other way that matters.<BR>I should add that this little girl thinks her daddy (our son) hung the moon!<P>Anyway, I told my son that whatever he could live with was fine; that I strongly believe the baby is ours, and that DNA could prove that, which might ease his mind. I agreed with him that she is our daughter and granddaughter in every way that matters, but whether he wants to know the truth is up to him.<P>I know that it just tears him up to think that she is not really his biological child. What can I say to him to help him feel better?

Sweetpea,<P>I think you "advised" perfectly---what a terrific mom you are!<P>There's nothing that you can say that will take away some of his doubt: your son would either need to have the DNA test done (no doubt), or eventually come to the realization that it really just doesn't matter (and he seems to be 95% there).<P>The only issue I'd have is that the OM is in such close proximity to your son's family that he could try to coerce the babysitting to bring the baby to him. That's troubling. I'd probably be thinking about moving away if I had to deal with those kind of worries. A restraining order might be appropriate, but it'd probably be better to put a few hundred miles inbetween the family and this man.

Hi, K,<BR> Thanks! I was worried that I might not have been reassuring enough.<P> My son and his wife subsequently divorced (at her insistence) after she took up with yet another man. She married the other guy, and a year later, he divorced her....for cheating on him! She's really been messed up, but at the moment, she seems to be trying to turn her life around.<P> The OM is either on his way to prison or already in prison (I'm not sure) for drug-dealing, so I don't think he'll be a problem. Even if he was going to be around, he's scared of both our son and my H. Our son still lives next door to the OM's father, but our ex-DiL lives about 25 miles away. Our son and his ex share physical custody of ALL the children..with a morals clause built in, but our son retains legal custody due to the situations their mother has previously placed them in. This allows him to remove the children from inappropriate situations without delay. It's all legal, as our attorney drew up the agreement, and the judge approved it.<P>I do hope that our ex-DiL continues on the path of trying to get her life straightened out. Basically, she had to hit rock bottom and lose custody of the kids before she made the change. Knowing that she could lose the kids again if she messes up may be what keeps her trying to do right. She and our son are actually pretty good friends now.<P>Anyway, we all love our little girl to death. She's 4 years old now, and is just full of beans! Reminds me of myself at that age! She is so "growny"! LOL!