To everyone who has the reoccuring theme of alcohol in their lives....<BR>My H is an alcoholic. It is hard to say and obviosly even harder for him to admit. He does not think he is an alcoholic bc he doesnt get drunk everyday. Talk about denial..<BR>He got a dui at the time of the seperation (bc of army) and the affair. Ow is the one he called to come get him. Actually it was her car he was driving. Anyway, bc he is in the army he had to go to adapc which is their version of AA. He told me when he was going that he was going to try and use it and quit drinking. Yeah right.<BR>Before he left for Arizona when he would drink he sometimes became violent. Now he doesnt do it so he doesnt see his drinking as a problem. <BR>I work at night and he is with our daughter. I would be so angry sometimes when I would come home bc he would have been drinking. She is fine, she is safe..that would be his reasoning. My thing that I tried to explain to him is that I would not leave her with a babysitter who had been or will be drinking while watching her. Why should he be any different? Bc he supplied sperm? I threatened to take her elsewhere to a actual babysitter, butnever did. She has somuch fun with her daddy. It took our sporadical (sp) counseling to get it through his head that if something were to happen to her while I was at work and he had been drinking...whether he was drunk or not...then our baby girl would be taken away. From him bc he is the "alcoholic" and from me bc I would b ethe neglectful mother bc I left her with an alcoholic. He then promised he would not drink unless I was here.<BR>The major problem with that is then I get angry bc anything that has to do with ow an dthe affair flares up all the emotions. he was drunk nearly the whole time he was with her and so his drinking will make me think of ow. Is that crazy?<BR>Those of you who live with alcoholics how do you deal with it?<BR>I brought home a bottle of champagne on the 14th bc it was our fourth anniversary. As I was driving home I thought maybe I shouldnt be doing this. It was 1 bottle and we each had 2 glasses. Is this a major no-no when one is an alcoholic?<BR>I have struggled with this issue a long time..any help would be greatly appreciated.<BR>Thank all of you and God Bless...

BW,<P>My current H is not an alcohlic, but my first H was! That's why he's my ex and he drank himself into an early grave. We were only married for 1 year before I packed up my stuff and my daughter and got the hell out dogde! DO NOT bring alcohol to your H if he's an alcoholic. You're sending mixed signals. Working is hard enough...working at night is harder..but worrying about your child while you're at work is unthinkable. You can't concentrate on your job if you're worrying about her saftey. You would think that being with her own father she'd be safe. And maybe for now she will be. But do you want to take that chance? I would follow-up on my promise to find a more reliable babysitter. I realize this may mean paying someone and can get expensive if you don't have other family around. But when you think of what the alternative could be...the money is WELL worth your daughter's saftey and your peace of mind. I would insist on my H getting help. Don't be a co-dependent to him. He's your husband, but he's still a grown man. I tried and tried to help my ex-husband. I went to meetings with him and encouraged and supported him. Still to no avail. I realized QUICKLY that he didn't want my help. Alcoholics don't stop drinking until their ready...period! Get help for yourself and keep your daughter safe above everything. AA has co-dependency programs also. Go to one, they can help..but remember, nothing will help your husband until HE'S ready. First, he has to admit he has a problem and then be willing to get the help that's out there for him. Good luck!<P>Comfort

Broken Wing:<P>I concur with everything Comfort told you. <P>As you know, my husband is an alcoholic...a raging alcoholic, a full-blown alcoholic. He can never have another drop of alcohol again under any circumstances.<P>When my husband drinks, his personality and his behavior takes on another more sinister and destructive persona. It also exaggerates his bipolar disorder and the recklessness and havoc begins.<P>In order for your to understand the alcoholic personality, I encourage you to attend Alanon so that you can learn what you must do to save yourself, protect yourself and your child and the necessary steps you must take to learn not to enable your husband. <P>If you wanted to celebrate your anniversary, buy sparking cider, or make a nice dinner...or better yet, go out. But do not bring alcohol into your home. You're setting him up for relapse and enabling him to continue his destructive path and giving him permission to continue drinking. Tell him you do not want him to drink because it sets the stage and opens the door for every kind of destructive event imaginable and you two have been through enough because of the alcohol.<P>I, too, have a problem with my husband's drinking as he contends that none of this (the OW, the fling, the knock-up, the finances, the business problems) would have happened if he hadn't been drinking. Naturally, when my husband drinks now, it immediately conjurs up insecurities, images, fears, resentments and I wait for the other shoe to drop. I wait for something tragic to happen again. <P>We have all experienced such trauma at the hands of our spouses that we have developed a "cause and effect" kind of reaction to their behaviors and actions. If the catalyst of the problenm was exacerbated by alcohol, you can be sure that any active drinking will send your recovery back days, weeks, months. You will become suspicious and frightened...and rightly so.<P>To get through this, to understand the alcoholic mind and to save yourself, Alanon is a great place to start. You'll learn how to handle the alcoholic and his behavior and learn how not to buy into the insanity of it all.<P>Give it a try and learn how to free yourself from the craziness and actually become more attractive by the changes you will make within yourself and inspire your spouse to want what you have attained...peace, serenity and sobriety.<P>These former wayward spouses are so high-maintenance. I am sure we all feel that we are endlessly doing all the work to keep the marriage together, the family together, our spouse close to us, usually doing the most work restoring the marriage, (when we didn't do any of the damage--it isn't fair!!) and then dealing with alcoholism is an extra burden that sucks the life right out of you...so much work for so few rewards...unless they get sober and involve themselves in a program of recovery. Only then is all this worth it. <P>Audrey is an old timer here on the forum who's husband is a practicing alcoholic struggling with sobriety, as is my husband. They also have an OC the same age as our OC. She lurks occasionally and may answer some of your questions and give you some good advice. She's pretty grounded and has a lot of experience living and coping with an alcoholic spouse.<P>Audrey? You around?<P>Catnip =^^=<p>[This message has been edited by catnip (edited September 23, 2000).]