this is my story not all ow/oc should be forgotten to work on a marriage. I don't agree. Although I wish that my kids father would do just this. I'm 24 y.o. I was involved with a married man. The thing is I didn't know he was married. For a year we were friends and dated I even lived with him. His parents, sisters, family no one said anything. After I move in and get pregnant he tells me he has a wife and 3 little kids(2,4,5) I was devastated and then when i was 6mths. pregnant he tells me he wants to try one more time with his wife. i said fine and left him I didn't see him until the baby was born he came to the hospital saw him he was with wife and left. He tried contacting me and i disappeared for a while. Well when my son was 6mths. old he decides he wants me back and is getting divorced. So I say okay you want another chance prove it to me file. Well, he does even better me him and his wife meet she tells me it's over and they never should have tried in the first place she files i take him back get pregnant again( on bcontol and use condoms) find out when i'm 4mths. pregnant.Six mths. pregnant he decides he wants her back and she says okay he has to move out if they are going to make it. He moves in with his parents, she lives with hers, and I have my own place. He's been trying to get back with her she says he says no. I'm not with him sexually at all and neither is she. I see him every evening his mother babysits the oldest and my family babysits the baby. He is a good father and always sees and takes the kids for weekends. She spends the night on the weekends with him sometimes. The thing is he is trying to get back with me. I'm not doing this anymore i'm tired and want to be happy. My older son who is 2 1/2 is in love with his father so I'm stuck. So I don't think all children should be forgotten.

Your situation is different. this man has been heavily involved with you and your children. No one is saying that children should be forgotten. But within marriages that are trying to work and when there has been no contact with the OC, then it is better at times for both sides to move on. Your children have lived with their father, and seen all of you as a family. I think it is cruel to take a father away from a child when that father has been there constantly from the beginning. Your problems are a lot different than what most couples here are facing. I think it is great that the wife, yourself, and the man have been working things out in regards to the children. It is obvious that you have strong emotions running within your own personal relationship, I hope that your emotional roller coaster will end soon. I know living in a state of what if can be very difficult. I hope you all will be able to come to some type of personal decisions, I am sure everyone is feeling the pressure. Just like in your life feelings and emotions run high here. Many OWs are threats to the families, and why many feel that having extended contact with the OC/OW just make things worse. Please don't take offense. Like I said your situation is very unique. <P>babstr.

Ditto Babstr. Yours is a unique story. Despite his continued relationships with them, I think it's a cruel thing this man's done to his children...the children of BOTH women. He's made both families impossible! He sounds like the only party who knew exactly what was going on and continued to do it anyway. If I were you, I'd certainly be leery of continuing a relationship with this man. He needs to understand what the underlying problems are that make him think such lying/cheating/back-and-forth behaviors are acceptable and be willing to work on it, or he will continue this pattern. <P>Just my thoughts...<BR>Best wishes to you and your little ones. Sounds like a very painful situation.