Love Hurts:<P>I read your post and I must say you are a strong woman with a big heart. May God bless you & your family! I have a question for you about contact w/ OW? You said, "If there is contact with OW, I WILL be present or on the other phone line."<P>How would you arrange this? <P><BR>

Heavenly, Little bird has a thread "I am a fraud" and she wants you to seriously consider.<P>

comfort,<BR>the honesty your H has shared IS the key to recovery. Sharing the most wonderful and difficult parts of ourselves within the marriage restores intimacy. Have you and your H read the 4 things Harley says are critical to a marriage? <P>15 hrs/week paying attention to each other<BR>Honesty<BR>No Love Busters<BR>Meet Emotional Needs (Affection,Sexual Fulfillment, Conversation, Recreational, Companionship, Honesty and Openness, Attractive Spouse, Financial Support, Domestic Support, Family Commitment, Admiration---whatever is highest for each person) <BR>and<BR>The Policy of Joint Agreement!<P>I have to go but I'm happy for your breakthrough!<BR>

LoveHurts, thank you for sharing your story. I also think that your policy of dealing with the OW together is a great one. The OC is something beautiful that has come from a horrible situation -- that is why I have been so torn between my own fragile emotions and her well being. I agree with you so much that life is precious and beautiful. <P>Thanks for pointing out Littlebird's post, Weep. She has given me a lot of food for thought also. This decision has to be as firm as possible before going into the situation. I would hate to begin a relationship and then have to drop it because of my own emotional well-being. That would be so much worse for the OC.<P>Jenny, I think my H is finally learning that sharing the bad news is just as important a part of marriage as sharing the good. He always wanted everything to be "upbeat" and not deal with the bad stuff. It was a hard way to learn a lesson, but I think that he is opening up -- getting more in touch with both his own feelings and ours together -- and it is wonderful!<P>- Heavenly

Hi happy_girl<P>It is through this site that I got most of my ideas (rules) to base the OW and OC on. Everyone here has great insight. I'm only a few months into this. Yes, we are going through the courts. My H and the OW had a custody agreement drawn up already. We want to make sure everything is spelled out from the get go. We want to let it be known with the OW that we will be a part of this babies life and my H is taking responsibility for his actions. You're so right, everyone must deal with it in a way best for them and their marriage. For us, this is the only way. I understand others not wanting to be involved with the OC. I do not look down upon or snub anyone for this choice. <P>Hi amyia,<P>You asked how I will arrange being present or on the other line. I told my H that if he truly wants to work on our marriage, then this is one of the rules! No two ways about it. She MUST know that WE are together and staying that way. I will take no chances with the two of them being alone together. My H understand this and has agreed to this. If my rules were not met, I file for divorce. I love my H very much, more than I ever knew I could. We have been together for 22 years and I want to spend the rest of my life with my best friend (my H!!).<P>Heavenly ,<P>I love your name !! I wanted to let you know that I have been thinking about you since I read your story. This must be so hard on you, not knowing what to do. If you do have contact with the OC, please make sure there are guidelines in place with the OW first. If you have to see an attorney and have visitation spelled out, do it. If you and your H decide not to have contact with the OC, that makes you no less the great person you already are!!! You have to do what is right for you and your marriage. Just as happy_girl pointed out, we must do what is right for us and our marriages!! That is our #1 Priority!!! <P>As for me, no I'm not strong or amazing. I'm doing what I feel is right for the OC. I have prayed about this so much and I feel that we are doing the right thing. It may not work for others, but I pray it does for us. My H does want to be in the OC's life. No, he didn't want to get the OW pregnant, but hey, it happened My hurt is deep, very deep. I have been betrayed, our vows were broken, but we are working very hard to make sure our lives get back on track, in the right direction! <P>My best to everyone who is here. I'm sorry we're all here, but very thankful for everyone here. My heart aches for each and every one of you!<P>God Bless,<BR>Love Hurts