I'm so greatful that I found this site!!!!<P>My husbands ex ow came over last night and said she is 5 1/2 months pregnant. We were seperated at the time because of this affair but are now back together trying to rebuild our marriage.<P>My husband knew about the baby but couldn't get up the courage to tell me.<P>Needless to say I'm in shock. I don't know what to do or how to feel.<P>She wants him to be with her and that is making things hard. He did tell her that it is over between them and he is going to be with me and our children. (said this in front of me)but he does have the guilt of all of this resting on him.<P>I know that there are going to be legal issues that we can not afford. <P>I'm having a hard time with the fact that we are going to have to tell family and friends about this and I really don't know how to do that since we kept so much of this quiet. Now I will have no choice to tell them because you can't hide a baby!<P>I thought that this affair would eventually be something in the past that we survived but now this will always be a part of our lives. I really don't know how to cope with that thought.<P>I could really use some help and advice.<P>Thank you!

Dear CBT:<P>This stunning discovery will have you feeling off balance for quite a while.<P>I hate to welcome you to our sad little group, but we do welcome you. We welcome you with concern and support, love and guidance. And we are all so very sorry you have to be here, but you did come to the right place to deal with these life altering issues.<P>One thing you wrote that sounded very positive was that your husband wants to remain with you and your family and told the OW this. His guilt is normal, CBT, but his first and foremost responsiblity is to you and to your children. <BR>When you two decide whether or not to have contact with the OC, you will feel more settled about the future. Right now is not a good time to make any decisions, you've just been hit with one of the most devastating blows a spouse could endure.<P>Take this time to reconnect with your spouse and together read the Harley principles, and get his books and study them. Fill out an Emotional Needs questionaire and begin to practice the Policy of Joint Agreement, the Rule of Honesty, the Rule of Protection and the other prinicples mapped out on this site. you'll be miles ahead of the game if you do.<P>As far as the family finding out about the OC, that is really your decision and your husbands decision if and when to tell. You two get to determine how to tell others. If you have no contact with OC, you don't need to do it until you are both ready.<P>Others will be coming along shortly to offer support and to welcome you. We are all here for you and will do whatever we can to help you get through the next months.<P>I'm glad you found this site, too. It's been a life-saver for me and even though it is getting close to the time when I will leave soon (I've been here nearly two years), I doubt I could have survived all this tragedy without it.<P>Post often, tell your story, and study the principles.<P>Warmest<P>Catnip =^^=

Hi there!<P>I am the one that told you to come here, I am so glad you gave it a try. This place has been a life saver to me.<P>2 1/2 months ago I found out my H had a one night stand back in May and the result maybe an OC. Now ever since the initial confrontation with the OW we have not heard a word from her, not even sure it is my H's or that she is even pregnant. I hate this being in limbo while we are trying to heal.<P>My H is deeply remorseful and wants to make it up to me for the rest of his life. He is so scared of losing me and our girls. In so many ways our realtionship is better than ever. We are so in love and love our family life. Now I am just so afraid we will heal and get strong and then we will hear from her and I will crash. So I feel like I can not completely move forward.<P>I hate the thought of having a constant reminder of this horrible betrayal and there is so much other pain for many reasons I will not go into right now.<P>Again I am so glad you came here, but so sorry you had to come here.<P>My thoughts and prayers are with you, keep posting. I read everyday, I don't post as often.<P><P>------------------<BR>Carrie

CBT,<BR>I second all that Catnip said. You have come to a place where you will find all the support you need right now. Pray a lot about the decisions you and H are facing. Remember no matter how you handle this thing it's going to be dificult. There is hope and most of us here can testify to it. <BR>If your H is willing there are lots of other WS's around this site who are willing to give him help and support. <BR>You are in my prayers. <BR>Ladygirl

Can't believe this is right!!! <BR>You are in a whirlwind of emotions but we can all attest to the fact that it does get better with time. Come here for guidance, advice and support. We are all here for you and to help you with anything we can. Welcome and remember to live one day at a time.

CBT...<P>It's devastating to find out this sort of news. I know. We ALL know. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this all. It's painful and hurtful. The confusion, disappointment, anger, etc are all normal, so don't feel like you're going crazy. Betrayal is heartbreaking. This is a wonderful place to come for support and advise. I'm lucky to have found it, too. Come often. We're all here to help you get through this. You're not alone. Read lots of the posts...as many as you can. It will help. Pray and ask God to help you and your h through this, together and to make decisions that will bring peace to you and your marriage. You'll be in my prayers. Sorry you're here because I know it was betrayal that brought you here. But welcome all the same.<P>Comfort

cbt,<P>The most wonderful things that you will find in this group is unconditional support and emotional education. No matter what you are feeling, one of us or all of us have felt it. <P>Here there are no rules for feelings. Some days we are sailing on top of the world and the next day we are locking up all sharp objects. All of the feelings are perfectly normal.<P>Even though you and your H were separated, the existence of an OC makes it so difficult to put your problems behind you and start fresh. <P>You will also become tremendously educated in relationships. Dr. Harley's principles are fantastic and will enable you to build a relationship that will endure.<P>So, do as the others have suggested. Read a lot, write when you feel like it and, search your feelings to find out what is right for you.<P>Welcome and God bless you.<BR>- Heavenly

cbt,<P>Welcome to our sad group. I really can't add much more good advice, just ditto what everyone said. Concentrate on your family and your marriage. If you separated, and made your way back to each other, you can survive this. Also, you are very lucky to have been there to witness your h telling the ow exactly how it is. That way you do not have to worry if he is going back and forth. Keep praying, and keep coming here. <P>babstr

can'tbelievethis,<P>welcome to our little family here. but sorry you have to be here. glad you found us. i can't even imagine how i got thru all this before i found this forum. i agree with what everyone else said. not much to add, read back all the messages when you have time. it will help you get to know all of us a little better. take care and again welcome.<P> <P>------------------<BR>happy_girl

I'm sorry you're here, but welcome! The pain in the early months is intense. Lean on us... Recovery is possible if you're both dedicated to it.<P>We're all here for each other.<BR>Best wishes,<BR>Jenny--two years into recovery--woohoo!

CBT, welcome. The OW in my life is also about 5 months pregnant. Due in February. As everyone has said you will go through so many ups and downs that you won't know which way is up anymore. I feel sometimes as though the wounds are still fresh although I know I've come a long way.<P>The most important is to heal your marriage. My H had decided that he does not want contact with the child. And in turn does not wish to tell anyone about the baby. If your H decides to have contact then of course you will most likely have to tell your friends and family, but it is your decision and one you and your H should make together.<P>Start counsling and start to heal your marriage immediately. You will need each other during the next 4 or 5 months. It will be difficult and try to remember that your H will also be riding this roller coaster and may go back and forth with his intentions where this baby is concerned.<P>Keep coming here as the people on this board have become very special to me and I'm sure they will become special to you as well. Take Care of yourself. Maybe we'll end up leaning on each other in February. Good Luck. Keep us posted. Take Care. <P>------------------<BR>Lost Soulmate<P>"Character is doing what's right, when no one is looking"