Just wondering, poss a day late, as I sit here at work with soreness from my vasectomy I had yesterday, what affect a vasectomy does to a marriage.

My concern is that my wife may no longer have the same feelings for me since I cant give her any more kids. We talked about it like a normal couple would, we have 2 kids, and I was very much done, she still had some reservations about a 3rd, but didnt want to nag me about it or put me into a situation that would force me to have a 3rd.

For the past few years, our B-control was basicaly Coitus, which bothered her since she would try to manipulate the sexual situation to have me finish inside of her. So, now, that my ability to even "possibly" make her preg is gone, I worry that a number of things will occur. 1. Her desire will deminish (which is not high in the first place) 2. She will become distent and cold to me since she cant get preg.

Any thoughts on this issue? Women? Please let me know what happens in a womans mind post vasectomy.

It's been 11 years since I had my vasectomy and even though I am now divorced (for different reasons not related to my vasectomy), I don't regret having it for one second.

Some women do seem to be affected by the fact that they will no longer be able to become mothers via their husbands, but it's usually a sign that there are some other issues going on in how they view themselves and their marriages.

If you want to hedge your bets why don't you get in contact with a sperm bank and see if you can have some of your sperm frozen. Since it takes a month or longer after a vasectomy for all the viable sperm to die, you may be able to have a viable sample stored for another time when you and your wife do decide to have another child.

One of the most important MB principles is the POJA (The Policy of Joint Agreement) which states that nothing should be done without the enthusiastic agreement of both spouses. If you are unfamiliar with it, please read this site and the Harley books 'His Needs Her Needs' and 'Love Busters'.

Good luck.

My womanly Opinion --

I would have loved for H to have gotten done, but, after birth of our 3rd child I was the one that put the brakes on having any more children (tubal). Sex is GREAT. because I have no worries about getting pregnant. More freeing .. have it when ever the mood hits (no worries about condoms, taking pill, or other inhibitors).

It sounds like a real concern. It may not show up in the bedroom at all, as you are expecting. But I am guessing it will show up.

It doesn't sound like she was really for this and just gave in as she didn't want to bring a child into the world that the father didn't want. You two have a lot to talk about.

You might even consider CoffeMan's suggestion. I know many people who are "done, done, done" and then long for another only to not be able to. The two of you may change your minds one day.

We are in a similar situation as my H wants to stop and I don't want another baby for several years (we have three small children) as I am quite overwhelmed now, but really feel like I would want another child 5-7 years down the road.

He wants a vasectomy and I feel like I have to go along with it because his reactions to the birth of our children and my pregnancies are not pretty - the kind of stuff that ruins marriages forever. He loves our children dearly - it is me that he takes it out on.

I've told him that I will consent but that I will also probably resent him someday so we are at a standstill on the surgery.

Talk to your wife about this, talk to her alot. The two of you should be able to get through it. Perhaps adopting an older child someday? There are many ways to love a child.

Thank you Nursebetty for your reply.

My wife and I talked a bit about this issue over the weekend and it does appear that there are some issues that she may have that we never talked about BEFORE my vasectomy, such as the fact that the only reason we would have sex now is only for sexual gratification, which doesnt sound like a big deal on the surface, but it does change things after 14 years of marriage in which some of the motivation from her part to having sex is the potential of getting pregnant.

If she ends up having resentment about this issue, what are some signs?

Sex is great after a Vascetomy for this wife. We don't worry about pregnancy. Very fullfilling. I feel free to enjoy it!!

It may not be so for your wife if you did this without her "approval". It could be a big issue to deal with in the future.

ranchohappyman ,

I guess this depends on the woman. I never had any problems with my H after him having a
vasectomy. Sex was more relaxed and my desire never seased because of the fact that I couldn't get pregnant anymore. It was rather the other way around. I didn't have to worry anymore.

It only got to me when my H had an affair. He too, didn't have to worry about anything happening! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

take care
bb