Hello all.<BR>-<BR>I am new to this board as of today, but have been reading the posts for about a week. I cannot believe that this board exists! I thought that no one was in the same situation as I am in. Everyone I have talked to about my situation has said that if it happened to them, they would have had an abortion without telling the husband. It sounds like an easy way out. However, I cannot justify getting rid of a baby that way just because of a mistake I made. Anyway, here is my story:<BR>-<BR>My husband and I have been together for 10 years (5 years of dating and 5 years of marriage). In those 10 years, I have never cheated on him or even thought of it until last April. In the five years of marriage, I tried to be a good wife by doing as much as I could (paying attention to him, all housework, working full-time, shopping, etc.). I did not go out very much with my friends as he was my top priority. We married in the Catholic church (both Catholics) and had a big Polka wedding of 500 people. Three years after we were married, we bought a house. I went off of birth control as we were trying to concieve. I never became pregnant in those two years. Last year, I was diagnosed with hyperthoyroidism and was told that as a result, I was most likely temporarily infertal (until after I would receive treatment). <BR>-<BR>My husband is basically a good person. He loves God and has very high morals which is what attracted me to him. However, he has a gambling problem (gambled from the time he got home from work until 11:00pm), he gets very verbally mean when he drinks and once he starts drinking, he will not stop until he can't see. He had a bank account with his mothers name on it. He never would tell me how much was in it. I found the book one day and noticed deposits and withdrawls of over $1000. He was using this money to bet football. I felt this was wrong because a married man should not have a savings account with his mother's name on it and keep it from his wife (my opinion). Lastly, he never hugged me, and would rarely sit down and talk to me about planning our future. It got to the point where we just co-existed together, and I felt he was taking me for granted.<BR>-<BR>Last January, I became friends with a man from my work. This man talked to me, shared alot of the same interests as me. It was so refreshing to have this attention. I had no intentions of having sex with this person at first. However, we got closer and closer and finally we had an affair (he is not married). After the one-time affair, I felt remorse, sorry for what I had done. I decided that I would never do that again and ended it. At this time, I confronted my husband about the issues that I thought were a problem in our marriage. I told him that I was going to leave if he did not want to try to work them out. FINALLY, he listened!! He wanted to go to counseling. A couple of days later, after missing my period for the second day, I took a pregnancy test and it was possitive. I couldn't believe it-I saw my life flash before my eyes. All this time, I thought I was infertle. I told my husband everything that happened (the affair and the pregnancy). At first, it almost seemed that he was releaved because he then blamed me for hurting him. In other words, he felt that it wasn't his fault (the failing marriage). Now, I do not think that what I did was justifiable. However, he felt that all of his gambling, drinking, etc. was nothing compared to what I did and did not even try to understand that I was hurt for several years!! He was happy because he could tell his family that I was the bad guy!!!<BR>-<BR>Presently, I am 7-8 months pregnant. My husband and I are separated (I am staying down the street at my parent's). I stop almost every day after work to see our cat, help around the house and talk to my husband. Within the past several months, he and I are friends. My husband says that he does forgive me for the affair and says that he knows I would never do it again. However, he saids about 2 months ago that he doesn't want this baby if it is not his. He doesn't believe in abortion. He goes back and forth on adoption. We are getting along great as friends. Sometimes he gives me the vibe that he misses me and wants me to come home, other times he gives me the vibe that he doesn't. As of now, we are going to wait until the baby is born to determine paternity. The OM wants no responsibility (he told me flat out). He would rather have my husband raise him (the baby is a boy). My husband has said that he doesn't want responsibility if the baby is not his. Is it possible for my husband to ever change his mind about this? If he really loves me and if he really forgives me like he says he does and if he is in fact steril, is it possible that he would want to raise this child with me? I am preparing myself to raise this boy alone if need be. The hardest part about this is conflicting emotions: happy to have a baby, grieving the loss of my marriage and not being able to do anything about it. <BR>-<BR>I have a feeling that this is a long post. There is alot more I could add but I better close for tonight. I welcome any comments. <BR>-<BR>Thanks for allowing me to share my story<BR>Neptune

Neptune,<P>I think you are expecting too much from H. "If he loved me and forgives me... he would accept this child". He might but I don't think you really understand the pain here. On the most primitive levels of the human mind (procreation) you have betrayed him.<P>Have you read Floored's posts here? Or Slothwoman (Postive Outlook)? If not please do so. I suspect their posts and others within them will give you some idea of what your H feels.<P>Having said that there are men here who are raising OM's child. So there is hope, but many things are going to have to change, and you are a major instrument of this change.<P>Don't be surprised if the baby is OM's to see your H pull away and maybe even file for divorce. However, if you have patience and don't blow up at him, you just might see him come back around.<P>As for the OM not wanting anything to do with this, well I guess this tells you alot about him doesn't it. He will be responsible for the demise of your marriage and the baby if he is the father. And he has responded so well. <P>I know you realize the mistake that has been made. But I also hope that you realize that your future is not completely ruined. There is always hope that you and H can work it out. But it will be tough for both of you.<P>Have you read any of the literature on rebuilding a marriage on this site? I hope so. If not you should definitely do so. Also read His needs Her Needs. This information and the books listed in NSR's welcome post on the "Just Found Out" portion of this site will help you greatly I suspect.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

<BR>Neptune,<P>Your husband is subject to the notorious assumed paternity laws that state any child born of a marriage is automatically assumed to be the husband's.<P>The net effect of these laws is this. If your husband decides to remain in the marriage, and the marriage later dissolves, then he will be held financially responsible for a child that isn't his. Maybe he would be willing to take this risk, but overcoming infidelity involves regaining trust. And by the time he knows whether he can trust you again, he will have forever squandered his right to rebut the assumed paternity law in your state.<P>Another option is to deny paternity up front, and require you to litigate paternity against the OM. This tactic empowers the OM to enforce visitation with the child, which is probably destabilizing to the marriage (i.e., continued contact between you and the OM could reignite the affair).<P>Your husband has no children with you, and you are gainfully employed. Because of this, he stands to lose little in an equitable divorce; her certainly would pay no child support and probably no alimony, either.<P>IMO, his best option is to deny paternity and divorce you. I realize that hearing this probably hurts, and I also realize that others in this forum disagree with me, but you've placed him in a no-win situation. His best bet is to financially protect himself. He should not have to risk hundreds of thousands of dollars in child support payments for another man's child in order to remain married to someone who recently betrayed him - yet that is exactly what you're asking.<P>Bystander

Neptune:<P>I would suggest that you run out and get copies of some of Harley's books, including <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6010_give.html" TARGET=_blank> Give and Take</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>Surviving an Affair</A> (you can order these from the website).<P>I would suggest that you try to sit down and discuss the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>Policy of Joint Agreement </A>with your husband. The Policy of Joint Agreement states "never do anything without a mutually enthusiastic agreement with your spouse". You need to discuss this child and your marriage, and negotiate a settlement using this policy.<P>Abortion is out. Adoption is certainly a possibility to save your marriage, if your husband is unwilling to accept this child. Divorce is also a potential option, although for practicing Catholics it would not be consistant with your faith. You've got hard decisions to make, especially to get to a <I>mutually enthusiastic agreement</I> on. You probably can't imagine giving up the child. He probably can't imagine raising someone else's baby. And although it appears that you've made some strides during your separation to recover some of these feelings you had for each other, you probably both have significant issues that need to be fixed for your marriage to thrive. And there's no guarantee to that. Throw in the fact that your Catholic and divorce isn't recognized by the church, and top it off with the financial liability issues that your husband faces should he try to recover the marriage and raise this child and fail---see any "enthusiastic win-win" solutions yet???<P>But still, the two of you must try to do this. I'll guarantee you if you can apply the POJA to this situation, you'll find issues like the gambling to be a piece of cake to work out. If you need help in learning these skills, or in devising a plan, I'd highly suggest counseling with one of the Harley's by phone for a few sessions (the office is 888-639-1639 for appointments). Steve and Jenn are Dr. Harley's children, and they're both terrific counselors. I know this first-hand: Steve helped me through my wife's affair (and she became pregnant with the OM's child too---our third), and Jenn is counseling my wife right now through her issues with self-esteem and self-forgiveness. I wholeheartedly recommend them.<P>These are really difficult issues to face. Although Bystander and I agree on most issues, your husband isn't in a "no-win" situation here---but he would have to be a big gambler to take a risk with accepting the baby and trying to restore the marriage. But hey---he IS a big gambler, so maybe there's some hope! Seriously, the two of you should brainstorm every option and reach the best conclusion that you can. That's probably going to be to work on the marriage (potentially with the baby being placed for adoption), or you divorcing and going it alone (in which case you should sue the OM for child support, if you can't work out something reasonable out-of-court). If your husband would want to attempt to raise the child, but is leery of the child support issues that Bystander brings up, he could divorce you (and prove that he's not the father by DNA testing), but the two of you could remain "married" and work on the marriage in this context (the Catholic church recognizes the need for civil divorce in some cases, and this would probably be one of them).<P>God bless.

Replies to Just Learning and Bystander.<BR>-<BR>Just Learning,<BR>I do realize how much I have betrayed my H. Not a day goes by that I do not continue to repent for what I did. I guess what I was trying to say is that I know for a fact that I would never do it again. He has also said that he knows I am sorry many times and he has said that he knows I would never do it again. So, if he knows this and trusts me, then I can only think that it is not so much the infidelity that bothers him, but rather this OC. When I first found out I was pregnant, I thought of having an abortion without telling my H or the OM. If I would have done this, I would have saved my marriage. However, that would be committing another sin to cover up the first sin and as a result, our marriage would actually be based on the death of a baby. I knew I will/would have to answer to God someday for it. Regardless of how concieved, I feel that God has a purpose for all children. He loves them all the same. Therefore, God has a plan for this child. All I can do now is try to be a good parent and raise this child in a loving home. As selfish as it sounds, I would also like my marrige to work out. The only way that can happen is if my husband can accept this child. If he cannot, then I guess that is God's will. In the meantime, I will keep going home and helping my husband and just try to be there for him until the end "Having done all, Stand".<BR>-<BR>Yes, I have read Floored and Slothwoman's posts. They have been very helpful. Thanks!<BR>-<BR>I wanted to mention: I went to the lawyer and had him print up a Separation Agreement. I took it to my H and said that if he wants to be legally separated to let me know and I would set up an appointment. The paper has been sitting on the kitchen counter for 3 months-he hasn't read it or wanted to sign it. I do not know if he doesn't want to sign it or if he just doesn't want to deal with it right now.<BR>-<BR>The OM wanted me to have an abortion. I really was fooled by him but I guess it serves me right for what I did to my H (what you sow, you must also reep). I am not going to go after him for CS in any case. As far as I am conserned, he is free of this. I will take full financial responsibility for the child if it is in fact his. <BR>-<BR>Thanks for all of the good advise. <BR>Take Care<BR>-<BR>Bystander,<BR>Yes, I know about all of the laws as my lawyer informed me of them. My husband and I have talked and decided that if we do go our separate ways, we will do a dissolution. We have already divided everything and are in agreement. I am also ordering a paternity test to be performed after the delivery.<BR>-<BR>For him to risk alot of money in order to remain married to someone who betrayed him IS asking alot. Indeed. I am not expecting him to do this however, which is why I went to the lawyer who answered my legal questions and ordered a paternity test. If course, I would be happy if my husband did decide to stay with me. I do love him and repent every day for what I did. Whatever he decides to do in the end is up to him and God. Maybe, by some chance, the baby is his. <BR>-<BR>Thanks for your response and God Bless<BR>Neptune

<BR>Neptune,<P>Out of curiousity, does your husband know of the assumed paternity laws and magnitude of the financial risk he would take by staying with you? If he is unaware of these, IMO you are morally obligated to inform him.<P>I like K's suggestion of your husband divorcing you, proving non-paternity via DNA testing, yet remaining married in the eyes of the church. I don't think your husband should ever bear any financial responsibility for the child, unless at some future point in time he decided to legally adopt the child. And the only way of assuring no financial liability is to divorce you and legally deny paternity. Its his best option.<P>Bystander

To K,<BR>-<BR>Adoption is the subject that has me the most confused. When I think about it, many questions come up in my mind: What if I give the baby up for adoption and then my H decides he still wants to leave? Is it right to give my child up for adoption to save a marriage? I am 31 years old, what if I never have a chance to have any more kids? My H and I were thinking about the possibility of adopting because we thought I was infertal and found out that he is possibly steril. So, I we reconcile our marriage and give this baby up for adoption only to adopt another baby a few years down the road, how would God look at that? Lastly, my husband brings adoption up alot. At first, he said that I brought this child into the world and therefore, I must "carry my cross" and raise this child on my own. Then a few months later, he said that he thought adoption would be the best option so that the child could have two parents. He said that adoption would give me a chance to "start fresh". He never actually came out and said, "If you give this child up for adoption, then I will take you back." He did say once, "You gotta choose between me and the child and you have to choose the child." He goes back and forth and I cannot tell how he is really feeling from one day to the next. <BR>-<BR>On another note, last week I asked him if he was dating someone else. He said, "If things do not work out between us, the last thing I want to do is date someone." Sometimes he gets very depressed and wishes that God would strike him dead. He said "that way, you would get the insurance money and the house..I would be a better help dead that alive." He said one time he was golfing and a thunderstorm came through. He stood under a tree with his golf club not caring if he got struck by lightening. I know he would never hurt himself, but he sometimes gets depressed enough to think about dying. I feel bad when he says these things and I always try to be there. I do not know what else to do for him. Sometimes I think that he wants to take me back but is afraid of what other people will think. I have talked to two of my inlaws and they have been very nice to me. They were upset with me at first but know that both my H and I did things wrong in the marriage. Maybe there are some other inlaws that are telling him to not take me back. <BR>-<BR>Well, I am babbling. It does feel good to let my feelings out. Thanks for your advise. I will check out those books you mentioned.<P>Take Care<BR>Neptune

Dear Neptune, <P>I read that you can take the cells from the cord right after birth to test for DNA paternity so that the baby doesn't have to be pricked by a needle.<P>Take care<BR>weep

Bystander,<BR>Yes, my H knows about all of the laws. I have been up front and honest with him about everything since the day I told him about the affair and pregnancy. He knows that the courts see him as the legal father until proven otherwise. He is not planning on being present at the delivery because the odds are that the child is not his. Every time I have gone to a prenatal doctor visit, I have told my H the details (if the doctor moved my due date up, possible age of baby). This is because if I happen to be 1 month further along in the pregnancy than originally thought, the child would most likely be his. The last ultrasound I had at six months showed the baby opening and closing his eyes. This is not supposed to happen until the seventh month of pregnancy which means there is a possibility that I am further along. I just tell my H the facts. He is to decide what he wants to do. I do not pressure him one way or another. The biggest fact is that we are not going to know for sure who the father is until the DNA test.<BR>-<BR>Take Care<BR>Neptune

Weep,<BR>That is why I do not want to find out through amniosentheisis (spelled wrong). I do not want to [censored] the baby with a needle. What I was told is when the baby is born, the doctor will run a Q-tip gently on the inside of his cheek to get cells. That is all. Then, of course, the possible father will have to have blood drawn.<BR>Thanks and Take Care<BR>Neptune

Neptune:<P>God is going to forgive you for whatever choices you make, if you ask for His forgiveness.<P>I think the real issue is that you and your husband have to start communicating about these issues in a respectful (and loving, if possible) way. Without <B>Lovebusters</B>: Angry Outbursts, Disrespectful Judgements, Selfish Demands, or Dishonesty. You need to figure out where you both stand, and try to make decisions based on what's best for your marriage. There are certainly no easy decisions in cases like this, and what works for one person (me raising an OC) may not work for another. But the key is not that there's a universal solution, but rather that there's a universal PROCESS to arrive at good solutions. That process is following the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3900_rules.html" TARGET=_blank>Four Rules for a Successful Marriage</A>, and a keystone of that is the Policy of Joint Agreement.<P>If the two of you can commit to trying to recover your marriage through this path, I'm pretty certain that you'll be successful. But I think you're going to need to start making some moves towards this reconciliation.

Neptune,<BR>Just want to say your H going back and forth every 5 minutes is totally normal. When you are in his shoes one second he is thinking of all the love he has for you and the next he is thinking of the ultimate betrayal. One second he is thinking of all your good memories and that will lead to him thinking of you thinking of memories of OM. He also is probably thinking maybe he could handle OC then again thinking maybe not...yes I could...no way on Gods green earth..etc. This is a very painful process to go through.<P>It IS VERY confusing. If he is still married to you and doesnt want anything to do with the seperation papers then it sounds like there is hope. Is there ant chance this baby is his?<P>My suggestion...pray, and be confident that God will answer.<BR>Good Luck and God bless you...

Well, apparently while I was typing my post and dealing with a 2 yr old, which makes posting a longer process, you answered my question about the possibility of your baby belonging to your H.<BR>It is the thought that counts though...right? <P>God Bless....

Neptune,<P>I hope you didn't think I was trying to be harsh. First let me say, you are hearing from the best on the board, K. Both he and Bystander are giving you very good advice to consider.<P>I do think that you do misunderstand something, or perhaps it is just the written word not conveying everything.<P>You said: <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>So, if he knows this and<BR>trusts me, then I can only think that it is not so much the infidelity that bothers him, but rather this OC. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I think it is still both the infidelity and the consequences of it, your child. I would bet that he fears the child will be a constant reminder of the infidelity and he won't be able to get over it. Deep down he may fear that the child will always remind you of the OM and that you chose him over your H and your vows.<P>Why do I say this? Most adults love children, and babies, well what can I say. Those little rascals are not defenseless, they can get to your heart whether they are yours or not. <P>But your H has deep doubts about himself, is my guess. Will you really love him, obviously you found enough flaws in him to do this? Will you always pine for the OM, after all you aren't interested in seeking child support if it turns out to be his and you two divorce? Will he ever look at that child and feel joy and not sadness? I am sure he wonders if he can stand for people to know that he is raising another man's child via infidelity. So many "what if's" so he moves back and forth.<P>You know the solution that Bystander offered, divorcing and then remarrying may be a possible solution, if some of the things I said are right. He is relieved of some financial things. He would be married to a single Mom with a child, not his. THis is accepted. etc.<P>I am not advocating any of these approaches including adoption. Those are such personal choices and choices you and H will live with for the rest of your lives no matter what happens. There is a story in NSR's notable posts section, that may be of use. It is very sad in many ways but very uplifting in others. I will try and find it and book mark it for you. Perhaps it will give you and H some additional ideas of how to handle this situation.<P>Neptune, listen to K and Bystander, others also, but they do really know what they are talking about. Especially, listen to K about reading the 4 rules and POJA sections. Talk with your H and pray. I am sure you will find the best solution to this situation.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

K, Bystander: I read it but do not not believe it. Are you really suggesting the "civil" divorce but staying married in God's eyes?<P>This is great for the "healing" or figuring out what to do, but what about the child? What if a few years down the road he decides he doesn't want to be a part of this, or that he can't handle it. What happens to the child that loses the man he's called Daddy?<P>I realize that for a healthy marriage the marriage must come first, but we also have a responsibility to the innocent children. I guess sometimes the gray area is the hardest to see. Perhaps I am too black and white. I don't know, the concept just doesn't sound right.<P>I guess a positive could be they solve their problems or at least find ways to love each other and work on problems and therefore raise the child well or make the choice on adoption. Of course negative is that this goes on for extended period of time and child gets hurt.<P>I will assume the positive and hope that that much time does not go by before things are decided.<P>Good Luck and God Bless<P>P.S. My little one is doing well and loves his Daddy. <P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.

Hi Paul:<P>Yeah, I'm suggesting that a divorce would be a way to remove an impediment (financial responsibility) to Neptune's husband so that they could attempt a reconciliation. <P>It's obviously not the one that I chose. Nor is it the one you chose. If Neptune's husband can't see reconciliation as a way to go---then the child will grow up fatherless (at least for a while). If they try reconciliation and then fail and divorce; of course the child will be hurt. I'm all for the scenario where Neptune and her husband reconcile their marriage, make it strong and terrific, and raise this child in a loving environment. But that takes everybody stepping up to the plate---and it's not always successful.<P>I'm with you on being concerned that they've waited too long to try to decide a plan to follow. They need to get working on this NOW.<P>And it's good to hear that your son is doing terrific. Noah's almost two now, and he's a "Daddy's boy" as well. What a terrific gift from God...<P>

Broken Wings, Just Learning and Paul Moyers,<BR>-<BR>Broken Wings: Yes, I can understand his swinging back and forth. Especially since there is a possibility that the child might be his. As far as him wondering if I would go back to the OM or have feelings for the OM, I told him many times that I would never. I know it will take time for him to trust me on this. I told my husband how the other man seemed like such a good friend when I felt like the marriage was going no where and how the OM did an about-face when I begame pregnant. My husband said to me once, "tell him he is a piece of sh-t!" I did!! Anyway, it has been several months since the OM and I spoke. I do not know what else to do to prove to H that things are over with OM except go through time.<BR>Are you in this situation also? Are you taking care of an OC? Thanks for your response.<BR>-<BR>Just Learning,<BR>No, I do not think that what you posted was too harsh. As long as it is the truth or what you really feel, it is good enough for me. I actually expected posters here to be more harsh with me at first because I was the one that cheated. Anyway, I am really stuck on the adoption issue. If I have the baby and give him up for adoption, doesn't my H have to be envolved as well being that he is the legal father? My husband is out of town on a business trip this week. I am staying here in the house to take care of our cat and just be in the house. My husband and I both love our cat like a kid. H did not always feel this way. When I first left to live with my parents, H called me all the time when our cat, Zack, did his business outside the litter or thru up on the carpet. H couldn't handle the responsibility. Now, H loves Zack and doesn't want him to ever leave. I know a cat in not near as much work as a child, but it is a start and a positive sign.<BR>Thanks for your reply.<BR>Take Care<BR>-<BR>Paul Moyer,<BR>You are in the situation of being a father to OC, right? How are you handling it? Before I read your post (even before I logged back onto my computer), I was thinking the same thing about the innocent child. I can fully understand all of these posters being hurt and upset by infidelity and OC. However, what of the child? I was crying thinking of this. The child has no voice in any of this. I wonder how many more children are aborted because of this very reason that we do not hear about???. I think that that is why adoption is also unsettling to me. I listened to a tape set by Joyce Meyers called "The Battle Belongs to the Lord" a few weeks ago. I basically cannot fight this battle, I have to let God. In the mean time, I do all I can to asure my H that I am sorry and that I want our marriage to work out and do my best to bring this child into the world safetly. <BR>Thanks for your post.<BR>God Bless<BR>Neptune

<BR>Neptune,<P>In the interests of full disclosure, you shouldn't pin your hopes of the conduct of K or Paul Moyers. Their situations were different from yours, if only in one very relevant way: They *already* had children with their wives.<P>Why should this make a difference? For the answer, go look at the CS guidelines in your state. The first child costs a LOT in CS, and the remaining children are only a marginal addition in CS. So the amount of money they were risking by staying married was perhaps 10-15% of the kind of money your husband would be risking.<P>Thus, his best option is to divorce you, legally deny paternity, and then perhaps remarry you. This is the only way he can prevent being nailed to the income shares cross in the event your marriage later ends. Morally, he deserves this protection, IMO.<P>Bystander<P>

K: Always more than initially said. I must remember that. Isn't it great to have Daddy's boys? I think it "kills" my wife. <P>Neptune: You'd have to dig a little to find my story, but I'm doing well. There has been bumps along the way but it has never been because of our new son. Except for the time my W was going out to eat with some relatives/friends and I told her I didn't want him out that late and that he could stay home with me. She threw a "fit". I think because he was young and she wasn't ready to let him out of her sight yet. <P>Everyone has their moments of doubt. I didn't know if I was doing the right thing, or if I could accept the child. That is where trust comes in. I trusted the Lord and I knew at one time I trusted my W. So I decided to renew both. I knew I loved my W and with the Lord's help I would love the baby.<P>Show your love for your H. I'm sure he sees that you do. Mend this, and hopefully the other will follow. When you two grow back together the answers about the child will present itself. I agree completely with K in that things need to be done now. I'm not saying put pressure on, but try to get a feel for where things are heading. That way you can give the best to your marriage and the child.<P>P.S. K, He has already setup times during the day which are Daddy times. He will cry and whine until I get him and then he laughs and giggles and annoys my W even more. I think she loves it though. <P>Good Luck and God Bless<P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.

Bystander: I see your point, but I ask you this...if things work out and they live the rest of their lives together and raise this child, what do you tell the child when he asks why you denied him at birth?<P>If she does not go on welfare and she knows the baby is not his, unless all trust is gone, couldn't they use the POJA and say that if things don't work and they part ways then the CS would be a non-factor? I know there are no legal protections for him this way, but as K said...he is a gambler.<P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.