O.K., what I am about to post might come off as arrogant, nasty, whatever..Take it how you may. When I came onto this board I was VERY upfront about my situation, was very honest about my feelings for (now) xMM, and for the most part I was welcomed into this forum because I-<BR>1-REGRET what I had done with my life, 2-RECOGNIZED that I hurt people, <BR>3- Took RESPONSIBILITY for my actions.<BR>4- gave a POV without trying to be hurtful to the members here who are trying to heal.<BR>The members on this forum are NOT here to validate or "o.k" what WE as OW have done with our lives. The fact of the matter is that as a non-wife, we had ZERO business in THEIR marriage. I was involved for 11 years with a MM. I was selfish becuase I feel in love. But, now that it is out in the open (I ended it when I became ill, he is STILL attempting to reconcile with me, YUK!), as an XOW you owe it to the wife to RESPECT her NOW. Make it up to her. If she wants to set boundries, than DAMN IT ABIDE BY THEM!!!!<BR>There is no "whining" at this stage.<BR>As an OW w/ an OC if you choose to keep your child, than you need to accept responsibilty for it. You might as well accept the fact that you are going to be a single parent. Having the child is NOT going to get the MM to leave his W. It is not going to make him love you any more or any less. Once you accept what your "fate" will be it will make your life a lot easier emotionally, physically, etc. Being a single parent is hard as hell. Truthfully, I didn't plan on my twins and I sincerely wish the siutaion concering thier birth were different. But, I love them and I am GLAD I had them. But,I made the decision to keep my twins.Because of that, I felt that THEY are MY reponsibility. Yes, their father is responsible as well. But, in a different way. He has other people to answer to not to mention his own conscious. I have choosen not to accept C.S. from him. If I need anything from him ($ for sports, etc.) it is APPORVED by his W.<BR>I FIRMLY believe that once the W has knowledge than SHE calls the shots. That is just how it is. xMM's W drops him off for visitation, picks him up, etc. There is ZERO contact with us unless it is necessary and unless she is right there on the phone extension. I prefer it that way. I am done PLAYING this GAME. WHen children are involved you need to look past your own feelings and do what is best for THEM!!!!! Whether you as the OW knew he was married (as is my case!), or if you didn't (as is the case of some here), you need to accept responsibilty for YOUR actions..<BR>If this is coming off way too harsh, sorry.<BR>It is just that this is a very sensitive subject and I do not like to see little kids be used as pawns by adults. A lot of the women here are hurting like crazy and it is just not right to "why me" them. It is just not right...<P><BR>-Duranie<BR>who is in a very bad mood today............<P>

Dear Duranie,<P>You continue to amaze me and my respect for you grows with every post.<P>Of all the stories that I have read in this group, you are the person who would be most entitled to say "why me". Life and a really skunky MM have dealt you a series of sharp blows that would have sent others reeling off the edge.<P>But you are the best example I know of "making lemonade out of lemons". We are all victims in one way or another -- the Ws, the OWs, the OCs, and the children of the marriage. But what makes us all stand out is how we handle the situation and what we do to turn from "victim" to "victor".<P>You are a real winner, Duranie. And your twins are the biggest winners of all because they will grow up with love and without animosity.<P>I don't have to say, God Bless you, because I know He already has.<P>Love,<BR>Heavenly

Dear Duranie,<P>You continue to amaze me and my respect for you grows with every post.<P>Of all the stories that I have read in this group, you are the person who would be most entitled to say "why me". Life and a really skunky MM have dealt you a series of sharp blows that would have sent others reeling off the edge.<P>But you are the best example I know of "making lemonade out of lemons". We are all victims in one way or another -- the Ws, the OWs, the OCs, and the children of the marriage. But what makes us all stand out is how we handle the situation and what we do to turn from "victim" to "victor".<P>You are a real winner, Duranie. And your twins are the biggest winners of all because they will grow up with love and without animosity.<P>I don't have to say, God Bless you, because I know He already has.<P>Love,<BR>Heavenly

.<p>[This message has been edited by weep (edited October 13, 2000).]

duranie,<P>thanks for worrying about us W's. i haven't wanted to really read or post here lately since the arrival of the 2 newest OW's. i don't feel they are actually here to anything but stir up bad feelings. and they are succeeding. i especially feel bad for noodles, she should be able to come here without dealing with the very OW that slept with her H. <P>noodles- i feel for ya. <P>you of course, have earned our respect and i have no problem with any of your posts. anyway, just wanted to say thanks. although i am starting to feel uncomfortable in a place i used to come to for comfort. hint hint, ladies, start an egroup or something... <P>(un)happy_girl

<p>[ May 24, 2002: Message edited by: echo ]</p>

Duranie<<P>When I first read your post, I wasn't sure what I thought about you...as the OW. In the past few weeks, I have come to at the very least respect you as a woman who has totally owned up to her responsibility and the part you played. You have been open and honest, and I respect that. I couldn't agree more with your latest post. Thank you! I agree with Heavenly, you have made lemons into lemonade. God bless you.<P>Happy_girl: I posted to you on ohbratti's tread just now. I agree with you. And I know there will be some who'll say "all are welcome here, blah, blah, blah..." What get me is why would OW want to be here in the first place (with exception of Duranie who has earned the respect of most of us). It's as though they are here like you said to stir up bad feelings. Me, personally, think it stinks and is like rubbing salt into an open wound. I've got enough to deal with in real life...I came here in virtual life to seek support and comraderie..not to be "mocked". There's already been enough pain.<P>Strong: One side?..what you mean is you were hoping to bring us around to YOUR side and possibly justify what you did. You were hoping for WAY too much. From my point of view, as a cheated on wife, there is only one side...MINE. I didn't ask for the lies, I wasn't part of it and I didn't ask for that OC to be born. The OC was born out of lies, betrayal and deception. No amount of "justification" is going to make that right.<P>Comfort

Duranie,<BR>My respects to you. Think I need a break from this board too!!<P>Best to all,<BR>J

Duranie,<P>I don't post here often because I don't have the time, but I felt I needed to write to you.<P>As a cheated on wife whose H now has an OC on the way, I just wanted to tell you that I wish all OW were like you. In some cases, I wish you were my H's OW. My H's OW won't leave him alone, won't stop calling and dropping by his place. He moved out a few months ago, filed for divorce, then moved back home and the divorce was stopped. When OW started calling all of the time, telling him 'he did this to her,' the OC 'needs a daddy,' etc., etc. he started feeling guilty about the OC. Never mind that we have children of our own. He moved out a month after being back home to 'think.' <P>I know what my H did and I forgave him and excepted the fact that there is an OC on the way. I do NOT except her and never will. I almost wish she knew about this site and could read your posts and get the hint... My H's OW KNEW he was married and still spread her legs to him. They are both guilty in that department, but she lied to him, telling him she couldn't get pregnant. He has told me that the OC is in the wrong place, it should be in me. Oh, how I wish that were true and I was having another baby by him, but the fact of the matter is, he got HER pregnant. How in the world he believed her that she couldn't get pregnant, I'll never know. I DO know that when she met my H, she wanted him right from the start. They worked together at the time and she told my 'friends' all of her dreams about him. Why didn't my 'friends' tell me?? Who knows... I just wish they would have, then maybe, just maybe we wouldn't be in this situation.<P>Take care and God bless, Duranie!<P>Love Hurts