I am very disturbed this morning by the recent posts of Happy_girl and Comfort41 who have said they are leaving our group because of statements made by new members.<P>Happy and Comfort,<P>I hope you will peek in one more time and read this. The two of you have been very important to me. Happy because you have succeeded in getting to the place I want to be - you are on the road to recovery - and you have given me hope that I can get there too. Comfort because you have understood the spiritual dilemma that I find myself in about my harsh feelings for the OC and you have given me guidance in resolving those feelings.<P>OWs on this line (except Duranie), if you read this, the difference between the BSs (betrayed spouses)on this board and you is that we are trying to accept the hand that God and our WS's dealt us. That acceptance involves trying to COPE with the feelings that we are feeling. We are not trying to justify our feelings and we are not trying to prove each other right or wrong. We are just trying to listen and put ourselves in the place of the person who is writing and see what we can offer that will help make a difference in their life.<P>When each OW posted here, we did the same with you -- until you started ARGUING us down that we were all the wrong ones and you were the right ones.<P>Some of you have been badly betrayed just like us. Some of you knew our spouses were married and just didn't care. But, while you have various histories and you had various options (keeping the OC or not) - we all have one thing in common - NO CHOICE AT ALL. <P>We have had to sit by and watch our lives unravel because of the selfishness of other people - our WSs included. But rather than sit and whine about it, every betrayed spouse on this line has decided to try to find the best way to deal with what has happened and to make a decent situation out of a bad one.<P>If you stay on this board then all we ask is that you come here with real problems and dilemmas and that you have respect for the delicate feelings of the betrayed spouses here. <P>You may wish to say that the MM were the wrong ones, but an excellent point was made here by several members. Ultimately, birth control would have solved the problem. And I don't buy for a minute that everyone was using birth control methods that failed.<P>You may wish to tie yourself to someone else's spouse for the next 18 years, but let me assure you the betrayed spouse neither desires nor welcomes your involvement in their marriage and family for the next 18 years.<P>Ohbratti1,in particular, you have not even given birth yet. You have no idea what is in store for you and the married couple that you are involved with. Most of us have already had experiences trying to half-parent an OC and believe me it takes all the faith and courage you can muster.<P>Can we please make this board what it used to be? Can we please try to post real concerns and not point fingers? And can we please try to have respect for the very delicate balances that have been created by the betrayed spouses who walk a tightrope every day that they never asked for?<P>Happy and Comfort - don't take our happiness and comfort in your presences away! If you would like my e-mail address, please write back to me and I will send it so that we can keep in touch.<P>Love and courage to all who are truly suffering,<BR> Heavenly<BR>

Well said heavenly!!!<BR>I couldn't agree with you more. This forum is a safe haven, it is a place we all come to vent or simply to be surrounded by people who understand. I personally have no problems with OW coming here as long as they are respectful to everyone else on this board and that they do not portray themselves as victims. We are all grown woman here and unless God forbid you were raped you were not a victim. <BR>It upsets me that two wonderful contributors to this forum no longer feel comfortable in coming to this board. That is not going to happen!!!! They must return. Everyone who wants to be a member of this board is welcome as long as they understand that respect is a must as well as responsibility. Come here for concerns, questions even thoughts but be woman enough to take responsibility for your actions past and present. If you simply came to this forum to point fingers then kindly leave, this is not the place for you.

heavenly,<P>thanks so much for all you said, you always say things so eloquently. it seems it has become a trend and some of us just have lost that sense of it being a safe haven here. i don't plan on leaving forever. just want to give some time in hopes that the calm will return. i had overcome so much, and here i am again with all those thoughts i fought so hard to get rid of. i know i will make it back to where i was. but being here lately has hindered that process. i will miss everyone dearly, as i at least lurk daily. don't always post, but always am here reading what all my friends are going thru.<P>take care. and thanks leelee for your post too.<P>love, happy_girl

Heavenly & LeeLee:<P>Thank you both for your kind words and always for the support you've shared with us and each other. You're both very special. I, too, will miss being here daily. It was hard just staying away today, as it has become a place I looked forward to coming...like a wonderful support group with lots of caring, strong and resilient women. I'll be back, also. Like Happy_girl, once I feel comfortable. Love and Hugs to you both<P><BR>Comfort<P>------------------<BR>Remember the sunshine when the storm seems unending...