We are on our 4th year of recovery and I feel emptier than I ever have. My H gives me nothing. He is encapable of compliments or really being close to me. At one point for a long time I really felt hope but he has buried himself in distance and a real void of passion. I know life is not like romance novels, but I get nothing. When I try and share my emptiness I get responses like maybe I am unable to show love,or compliments. Not to mention he hates holidays and does everything he can to sabatage (SP) them. I finally told him last night to grow up , his excuse is that maybe he is not a tradionalist and buy into all the holiday huplay. BS........... I told him this is such a copout and another way of being emotionally attached and committed. My example to him was, what if I handled our children on the holidays the way he does me. He would be all over my case. But yet it is okay for him to overlook or almost insult me with the type of holiday jestures he does make. I am so empty and I have told him this, his first ? was , Am I going to have an affair. I don't want that, I have had enough emotional emptiness in my life while being single as well as married. Why would I go looking for the love I truly want from the man I love? It to me is just a vicious cycle. I already have enough sad cycles.

CT

CT, I have no advice. But please know you are not alone in feeling this way. I feel this way every single day. Just to "feel" like I am wanted, loved, attractive or anything special to my h & I would be so much happier. Good Luck.

Hello. I feel the exact same way that you do. I never get any complimets or affection from my H at all. I think the last time he told me he loved me was when our daughter was born and that has nearly been 3 years ago! I give him compliments every once in a while, but I still get none from him. I have told him several times that I need these compliments and affection from him because I am very unhappy otherwise and he just says that he cannot do it. What am I supposed to do? Live with it? Have an emotional affair to get what I need?

Dear Missy,
What not buy your husband "His Needs Her Needs" by Harley?
Most men can not appreciate how much a woman needs affection. Harley's book may help wake them up.

Good luck.
Mengott

Ok, a guy has logged on...my perspective now. In my circumstance I was sold a bill of goods when I was married 15 years ago. My wife had three jobs, weighed 105lbs, and could do no wrong. Now, I am Mister Mom and Dad, I am married to one of the if not the laziest human I have ever met. She ways a good 150 (on a 5 foot frame), has zero work ethic, gave birth to her kids, thats about the extent of her interest, is shocked when they curse (taught by mom), she doesnt cook interact with the kids at all etc etc etc. Now, I have no interest in her because of what she has become. Granted obviously men go down this path as well but its supposed to be a relationship, 50/50 I thought, and I am having a real difficult time staying sane.