Since you all have been in my husband's shoes, I am wondering how you felt when you first found out about your wive's infideltiy and the OC. What feelings did you experience at the beginning, several months later and now? Were any of you separated (separate living quarters) for a while? How did you find out-did your wive's come out and tell you the truth? <BR>-<BR>I do not mean to be nosey. I am just trying to further understand.<P>Thanks in advance<P>Neptune

Dear Neptune,<BR> My wife came to me and told me she was pregnant as soon as she found out.<BR>The thing that hurt me the most was that she was in love with another man. There arn't words to describe the terrible, deep pain and sadness I felt. However, these feelings were soon overshadowed by the realisation that I might lose her. I really had only a few doubts about raising the child, because I've done it before. I raised a stepson in a previous marriage. I was more afraid of the OM becoming a part of our lives, and maintaining contact with my wife. If you have severed all ties with the OM, your husband will have to deal only with his feelings for the baby. All I can say is, once the baby arrives, it is very hard to feel anything but love for this innocent little baby. At least thats the way I feel. It will take some time for your husband to work through this. Keep<BR>reminding him that you love him, thats why you're with him. Tell him that the child is totally inocent in all of this and shouldn't have to suffer for the actions of adults. Fathering a child and being a father are not neccesarily the same. Pray, and don't give up! God bless you.<P>------------------<BR><P>Lynton

When I found out, my W and I were seperated. I found out she had left for OM and was now pregnant within a short time period. My initial reaction was of course anger. Anger at the infidelity and anger at the pregnancy. I didn't want anything to do with it. Fortunately the love for my W and the sadness of her not being there quickly overcame the anger.<P>As the pregnancy progressed I became more "nervous" about if my W would leave after the baby was born or if the OM would try and be a part of it.<P>Towards the end with support from my family and friends "mostly here" and the love shown by my W I knew that neither would happen.<P>The baby was born and all was well. The only "hard" times as far as he is concerned is when people "mostly inlaws" try and say he looks like me or has some of my features. He actually has none of my characteristics but I think they are afraid of me leaving my W or not loving the baby if they acknowledge he's not mine.<P>What they can't seem to get through their heads is that he IS mine. I think your H can grow to love the baby through the love for you. That is what you must grow, his love for you. That's all you can do, let his feelings for the baby come natural.<P>Good Luck and God Bless<P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.

Neptune,<BR>Hey that's no fair. I asked the same question and got no response. Minus the separation I went through many of the same emotions that Paul describes. Of course there was more to our situation. Read tigger4jdt's post "our full situation fyi" I really hope that your h comes around. Take care and hang in there!!<BR>SM59

Thanks for all of your replies. It is evident that you all love your wives very much (Unconditionally). My husband and I have been separated for about 7 months (not long after I found out I was pregnant) and he still does not want me to move back home. He says that I can stay the night there if I want but to not expect him to stop what he is doing for me. I sometimes think that my H just doesn't love me enough. I put up with being hurt from him for over 5 years by his drinking and getting mean, gambling, etc. Yet, I make one mistake (which I know is a big one), and he cannot forgive me. He cannot look at himself and realize the hurt he caused me and try to work this out, or so it seems. Anyway, time will tell, I guess. I will stick by until the end. <P>Thanks again for your replies.<BR>God Bless<BR>Neptune

Dear Neptune, <P> Again, I am envious of your husbands' position, because you sound like you are very repentant and have expressed this to him. You said you are both catholic. So am I(Irish), but I grew up in an Italian Neighborhood. Just a thought, but there may be some strong cultural-ethnic issues he is dealing with. I know I have some. <BR> I also know that I was Plan-A-ing so hard that my wife felt smothered. It's very hard to know what's too much or not enough.<BR> This is where a session with the Harleys may be very helpful. They are excellnt coaches.<BR> There is one constant thought that has carried me through this, through my confusion, despair, convouluted thinking, and self pity, and it is this......I mad my wife a promise before God. What she may have done does not change the promise I made, and I intend to keep it. God will take care of the rest. <BR> God bless you,<P>------------------<BR><P>Lynton