Could really use some advice! My H of 15 years is a real do-it-yourselfer, and a good one, I will say. But he doesn't always do things the safe way and he does want me to help. Take today for instance - out in subzero weather on an extension ladder, chipping away at ice-dams on the roof; me trying to hold the ladder and protect my head from chunks of flying ice (and me with the 'flu also, so not entirely steady to begin with). Not a safe situation, especially as there was no good even place for the ladder.

All kinds of websites about ice-dams say not to do this, but H knows better. He says just not to help so he doesn't have to hear me complain. Would be safer for me, of course - but much riskier for him. He says "don't worry about it", but how can I not? And he does not understand that I wasn't exactly complaining - I was point-blank totally trying to talk him out of it!

As we get older, I can see this becoming more and more of a problem (I have this feeling we are NOT going to agree on when he - and I! - should stop doing some of the heavier tasks). H just goes ahead and starts them, and it's either help as much as I can, which usually makes it a bit safer (two to carry heavy stuff, hold things, etc.)and hope any injuries will be minor - or leave him to it knowing that if anything goes wrong he could be seriously hurt for lack of something I could have done.

Suggestions on how to reach a compromise plan of action(and stick to it when he sees a task that needs doing) would be appreciated!

Sounds like you can chalk one up for "Annoying Habits". Any behavior that bothers you this much is up for negotiation; HOWEVER, you must be careful in the way you negotiate. The way you negotiate has a big impact on his willingness to negotiate with you.

1. DO NOT tell him what to do.
2. DO NOT try to control his behavior via Selfish Demands, Disrespectful Judgements, or Angry Outbursts.
3. DO NOT focus on his behavior.

1. DO focus on your feelings. "It really scares me when you take risks like this. I would love it if you would take more safety precautions."
2. DO make Thoughtful Requests (see above).
3. When there is a disagreement (and he will likely disagree) BEFORE YOU START ARGUING OR NEGOTIATING, make sure you understand how he feels about it.
4. When you negotiate, use respectful persuasion. If it starts to turn into an argument, table it for later.
5. DO read the book "Love Busters", which explains these techniques.