To all<BR>I have been lurking and occasionally posting here for several months. Since I don't have much of a support group in my own life, this Board has been something of a lifeline, at times, but I think it's time for me to stop my visits here since I usually leave more upset than whehn I signed on. I want to thank the few of you who have responded to me (esp. Catnip, Jenny) and wish all of you the best.<P>Duranie, <BR> I'm sorry you have had such a rough time, but being a parent is like that from time to time. <BR>As others have said, your perspective has been helpful to those of us trying to heal and cope with the adultery in our marriages. While I respect what you are trying to do in general, I think taking the twins by your ex-MM's house was not a good decision. As Catnip said, you need to cultivate a support network for yourself that does NOT include the ex-MM. Your reaction smacks of a woman who has not let go of the desire for a relationship with him. Had the OW in my case have done that with the OC, I would have been very angry about it.<P>Please don't think I do not support you and value your insight. In fact, you have received far more compassion and kind responses from visitors to this Board than I have, which is one of the primary reasons I have elected to leave this Board.<P> Most here are not dealing with situations as complex and long-running as mine, and have not responded much, if at all. In fact, I would consider it a Godsend to be coping with an affair of 6 months or a year or two with a child we never had to have contact with. That would be a piece of cake compared to my situation. <P>For those of you who have ongoing dialogue and offer support and encouragement to OW posting on this forum, you are far more generous than I am. I wonder if you would be as understanding and supportive if the OP posting were the one who had the affair with YOUR spouse.<P>Anyway, you all remain in my prayers and I wish you all only the best always.<P>anniem <P><BR>

First off, I think it is sad that you are deciding to leave the forum.<BR>But, I feel the need to correct something you said about me..I did NOT drop the twins off to xMM's house! I would NEVER do that!!! xMM's W wants nothing to do with the twins and I respect that IMMENSLY..I dropped them off to xMM's work (which has a park right there). I do admit it was not the smartest thing in the world for me to do. But, it had NOTHING to do with wanting to be in contact with xMM. I have not had (other than verbal with W RIGHT there) contact with him in almost a year. When there is ANY communication with xMM in regards to the twins the W is very well aware of in. In fact, after I dropped the twins off she was the 2nd person I called to let know. She understood...<BR>

anniem <BR>My heart dropped when I read your message. I went straight to search to find some of your earlier posts. I found none. But I will tell you this, If you stay, I will do my best to listen. How about it? I am new here, and don't have much to offer as far as wisedom goes, but I will listen. Whats your story? Or where do I find it? On another note,<BR>you said...<P>"I wonder if you would be as understanding and supportive if the OP posting were the one who had the affair with YOUR spouse. "<P>Well, one of the OW posting here, actually had an affair with MY spouse, and had his oc. But that is really beside the point. I am here to listen, If you need me.

Dear Anniem, <P>I just wrote a post to you a few minutes ago and when I posted I was shocked to see that you are leaving?! I have only seen one of your posts - the one you replied to someone's thread and in which you talked about the retirement plans being awry because of OC/CS.<P>I thought at that time you had accepted the situation, if not, I would think counselling would be good for both you and your H to establish the issues of trust, communications, the future, acceptable boundaries of behaviour and OW, etc..<P>It is precisely the fact that you problem is so very difficult that I find myself unequipped to help. You see, I was pregnant when my WS had a two year affair and when the banshee knived him in public and landed in prison we thought it was pregnant. WE waited a few months and was finally convinced that there was no OC. I post here because I feel for all the betrayed spouses here. I post here because I see that there are very few posters in this forum compared to the other forum I originated from, so I want to give support to the betrayed with OC and lend a ear and say a prayer for the wives. Even then, I still feel like an outsider, and only post when I feel I can identify with that pain or know of someone who had gone through the same. Your pain is incredible, it is like been pierced twice in the heart by the same sword into the same wound.<P>I have got to run, my baby is crying.<P>God bless<BR>weep<p>[This message has been edited by weep (edited October 19, 2000).]

Anniem...I just want to say I am sorry you do not feel comfortable here anymore. I do not have time to post to everyone, nor do I always know what to say. Usually when I do reply it is very short since I do not have much time on here. Just so you know though (and everyone else on here) I pray for each and every one of you each and every night. If you do leave you will still be in my prayers. I hope you will come and visit sometimes..let us know how you are.<P>God Bless....

Kinda a p.s. all o four situations are similar, yet completely different. But we all hurt. My situation might very well have have been a God send, but not bc it is easier than someone else's, just bc it was what God planned. That is what makes it a God send, nothing else. I feel I have been to hell and back way to many times in the short marriage I have been in and I am sure you have been also. Please do not unvalidate my pain.<P>You know what I did to get better? I decided with or without my H I was going to be allright. Period. I changed my attitude. I just decided that was the way it was and that was the way I was going to live. You just make a decision. You will be happy. And you know what...it was amazing how my H's attitude changed right along with it. He respected me more and treated me accordingly. Just make a decision.<P>God Bless...

Dear anniem,<P>Like some of the others, I don't remember you asking for much advice. Your posts seemed to be statements more than questions.<P>And, I have felt since September that you were a bit upset with me because I was not in a position to do research that you asked for about lawyers that might be willing to take cases.<P>But I do believe that everyone here tries to be as helpful as we can -- given our limited circumstances -- to each other. I would encourage you to stay and to be more open about your needs so that we can offer the support that you are looking for.<P>I would be happy to write to you whenever you are in distress or when you are facing a situation that you feel you can't face alone.<P>Please give us another chance?<P>Love<BR>- Heavenly

Anniem:<P>Please reconsider leaving this forum/site...<P>First, I want to apologize for not answering your post on October 5 when you were in so much pain. You were in Jenny's capable hands and at the time I was so depressed myself facing the onset of my two year D-day anniversaries that I chose not to post because of my frame of mind at the time.<P>The reason Duranie seems to get so much empathy and consideration is because she posts daily and as a result we become involved. You need to post more, Anniem...we need to hear from you more and have more involvement from you, too.<P>We share a two year time line here, Anniem. I truly understand what you are going through and how this anniversary is effecting you. I am there as well.<P>Everyone here has special pain, special circumstances and ugliness and tragedy. No one's difficulty or pain supercedes anyone elses...Duranie's pain is not more importnat than yours or mine or anyone else on this site. I guess the squeaky wheel gets the grease.<P>Your situation must be eztremely difficult because you must have interaction wityh the OC and the OW several times a month. I know I could not do it and the constant contact would certainly hamper my recovery...I would be depressed and despondent, too.<P>I believe your depression would lift and your outlook would change if you did not have to face the OW and OC on such a frequent and constant basis. Why, when the mother and stepfather are providing a twopparent family for the OC do you and your husband have to spend so much time with it? <P>In my not so humble, militant opinion I would think recovery would be very difficult with those kinds of situations forced upon one trying to get over such a shocking and life altering situation. While I think it is commendable that your husband wants to be the good guy and 'do the right thing' from his perspective...it makes me wonder...at what cost? <P>I just wish more focus would be on your marriage and each other and put OC down further on the list of priorities as long as OC has a two parent situation. Maybe some distancing would provide a better sense of feeling more special to your husband and you would feel less depressed.<P>As usual, I am totally out of line and saying something that is none of my business but because you are still so despondent and feeling so blue and not coming here often enough to post, just from what I have gathered from what little information we have, it just seems to me that you need to become the priority in order to heal.<P>Love<P>Catnip =^^=

Anniem<P>I too am sorry for what you are going through, and sorry you feel you have to leave. I went away for about a week, and when I came back it was time to go back to work. Things became hectic so I haven't visited as much as I used to. <BR>After reading your post, I know how you feel. The OC also is with us every other weekend so I too feel there is this uncontrolled, undesired, and definitely unwelcome intrusion in my life. I don't feel this way about the OC because I've accepted him, but the fact that my H has to communicate with the XOW to get the OC still gets to me. The other issue I have is that I am not allowed (3 yrs after D-Day) to accompany H to pick up or drop off OC. <BR>I am guilty of not responding much anyway, but that's only because the reply posts are so great that there's really not much to add.<BR>I will keep you in my prayers, and I hope you<BR>will stay or visit from time to time.<BR>Even just reading the posts helps me because I know I'm among those who truly understand.<P>God Bless You!

anneim:<P>I'm very sad to see that you have decided to leave. Please reconsider. Like you, I have felt that this forum has been a lifeline to me. I will admit, also, that I haven't seen many postings from you at all. Some people post more than others and that's fine. I don't always respond to all post, only if I feel I have something to contribute. Any oversite on our part (mine) was not deliberately to uninclude you (is that a word??). I left for a couple of days and I missed it a lot. I know I'll leave on my own when the time is right. I hope you'll stay and let us try to be of comfort and support to you. It's a time when you need support and people who KNOW how you feel.<P>Blessings for peace in your life<P>------------------<BR>Remember the sunshine when the storm seems unending...