Hi, guys<P> My wife (WS) and I had a few sessions with Jennifer. Of course she recomended that my wife end all contact with OM, as well as with OC. My wife is adamantly opposed to this. She feels it is not right to deny the child seeing her father. I know she has strong feelings about this, because her parents are divorced, and she was denied contact with her father untill she was about 8 years old. The OM is someone she had a relationship with before we met( he was married, she didn't know, when she found out, she broke it off)<BR> Now he is divorced, with no children. Nothing pulling him the other way. <BR> When we decided to repair our mariage, she told me if I had any problems with OM seeing OC, we might as well not even try. I told her I had no problems with OM seeing OC, but I had a big problem with her seeing OM. The baby is three months old, now, and the problem is that because of the babys' age, she has to take the baby to see OM. Another reason for this is our seven year old daughter. She doesn't know anything, and we're not sure she's ready to know everything yet.<BR> Am I an idiot to allow this? What do I do?<P> Thanx,<P>------------------<BR><P>Lynton

Lynton:<P>Harley's principles state that neither party should do anything without the consent of the other in the Policy of Joint Agreement.<P>In order for your marriage to survive, it must come first and foremost. Her only responsibility is to you and your marriage.<P>She should not see OM without you present under any circumstances and she certainly should not drag your daughter into this situation. Do not underestimate the wisdom of a sever year old. I remember well what I knew at seven that would curl my Mother's hair if she knew I was completely aware of what went on in our family.<P>Her argument is weak in the sense that OM has no children...so what? That's not your problem or hers.<P>I hope Jennifer can convince your wife how terribly, terribly important it is to respect you and your wishes first and protect your daughter.<P>God speed, Lynton. Stay strong.<P>Catnip =^^=

Catnip, <P> Thanx,<BR> <BR> I have told my wife in a couple of very non-confrontational discussions that I felt that if the marriage was not first and foremost, we wouldn't make it.<BR>Her usual response is that maybe it would be easier if she would just go off and be by herself. She has told me all along that she is unsure of the "right" thing to do. I know that her feelings for OM are the real stumbling block, but if I tell her this she gets angry, so I back off. I hav tried to "get her to come around to my way of thinking", but of courseit failed myserably. Although she is living with me, and we are "going through the motions" of being married, I know there ia a big time struggle going on inside her. I know she still has a huge amount of guilt, and I don't know how to help her. It seems the more understanding I am, the worse she feels.<BR>All I know to do is t back off and talk when she feels like talking. A real catch 22. <P> " I like that little cat face"<P><BR><P>------------------<BR><P>Lynton