HI
im so glad i found this site. i had been praying for something like this. been searching for a while I finally feel like im able to understand what whent wrong with my marriage. im just going to tell my story and see if anyone has advice or encouragement ok?
I metmy husband in high school fell in love with each other after two years we finally got together as amatter of fact the anniversary for that is 3-29 and ive been with him ever since. he has always been my best friend we were married 11-22-86 we now have 5 children who we both love dearly my family is the most important thing to me i have been a house wife and mother for as long as we have been married ,16 years this past november we were always very close in my heart i just knew this was it.we have been very happy .being together just came naturally. but something went wrong somewhere and my whole world came apart 11 27 02 five days after our anniversary.
I knew something was wrong so i confronted him and he admitted he was having feelings for a girl at his work.and they had gone to lunch a few timesbut he hadnt done more than that he said he had feelings for her and he was pretty sure she felt the same.i threw him out iknow now it was the wrong thing to do. he was gone one night and i begged him to come home but he said no i told him we would work it out but he said he doesnt love me as much as he used to.he was gone about three months then he finally came home because the kids begged him to i know we can do it he says he still loves me alotand he said he doesnt think he should have to try it just come naturally like it always did .we were both in withdrawl for awhile until we had our last arguement then we agreed not to fight anymore.then i found this site and every thing seemed to make sence i finally understood what went wrong and i know how to fix it the only thing is can i do it by myself? he doesnt want to spend time alone with me because he said he just doesnt feel like it he seems like he is to scared to try and not have it work out, i asked him please just give us a chance he just says what do you think im doing here? and meanwhile he is still with that girl for 8 hours a day at work what do I do im so scared to lose him especially to someone else ,he says it is not her but i wonder if she werent there meeting his emotional needs he would be turning to me. i try to tell him im here waiting to give you whatever you need but he hasnt really let me back in yet what do you think ? is there hope has any one gone through this and come out with a happy ending??
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Hi, I am going through a similar situation. am learning and realizing that communication is very important. I feel for you in your situation because of your feelings and for your children. I do believe that you and your husband should meet with a counselor who can help the two of "repair and renew" your marriage. It's worth a try. The counselor my H and I met with was excellent. The counselor taught us that we had good points as a couple and how our relationship affected the children. I believe this is very important because children have a way of knowing when things aren't right between their parents and they sometimes do things to get our attention. So I'll keep you in my prayers and I wish you well. Keep in touch.
wkdk

hi winkydink
ive asked him to get help even begged him we just end up fighting,i get so frustrated with him he says he is trying but i just dont see it i know the kids know we talk about there dad and pray for him all the time that he will realize he doesnt want to lose us. we all dont want to see him unhappy im so scared if he leaves then we will never work out our problems.all i want is for him to give us a chance i know we can do it together we can do anything and im never going to give up on him even though he is already thinking about divorce after sixteen years and he is willing to give up that easy, he makes me so mad like all those years meant nothing. he says im still his best friend and he still loves me alot, he still wants me to be a part of his life.
i just hate this i want things to be better already i want my life back things were always so good between us i cant believe we are actually going through this. thank you for answering it helps to know there is someone there. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Hi-
I realize I don't know enough of your situation to "give advice," but just from the outside, it looks like your husband wants everything to "come easy" and- if it doesn't- he doesn't expect to do any work to change it. Meanwhile, YOU are the one doing all the work (and putting forth all the effort) to try and salvage things.

You've got FIVE kids? Why WOULDN'T he let you do all the work? He KNOWS you need HIM more than he needs you. Meanwhile, this other woman is an easy way to "get his mind off things." How much easier than to have someone he doesn't have to commit to, who probably doesn't require ANYTHING from him? Who can compete with that? If you asked him to come back right away and he refused (?) it shows how quickly he was looking for an "out."

I would tell him (I KNOW this is tough) that you are not going to beg any longer, and you are not going to be the only one putting forth all the effort. I'd tell him to think about what he wants, make a decision, and do it. I don't see any other way for him to quit looking for the "easy way out." He will NEVER confront issues this way.

Once he realizes what he's losing (16 years of life/love with you, paying child support for FIVE kids, someone who adores him even AFTER seeing all his bad traits,) he's likely to change his attitude. Right now, it's too easy to keep treating you as though he doesn't care, because he doesn't HAVE to care. You do all the caring FOR him. Make him squirm a little- he's not the only one with needs. This guy needs someone to knock him on the side of the head!
Catch.

catch
i really do hear you and i know exactlly what you mean im finally starting to realize that i seem to be the only one hurting the only one who sees what we would both be losing our last fight i talked to him and i told him you need to decide what you want i need to know what to plan for my future he says he doesnt know what he wants, then i try and push alittle more hoping he will say ok we will work it out,but he always ends up saying he will just leave and he thinks he will need to divorce me because he doesnt see his feelings changing.after finding this site i see now that it can be done and it wont even be hard. i just realise the more i push the more it makes him want to leave and the more he turns to her.
he says he wants to leave not because he doesnt enjoy being here but because he feels like he is taking advantage of me because i still love him as much as ever and he doesnt love me as much as he used to.but he is still here he hasnt made any kind of effort to leave,he hasnt done anything about the divorce hes been thinking about that since january.ive just been trying to make as many deposits into his lovebank as possible hoping he will start to feel that his feelings can change.he says he is going to go but he is so afraid he is going to lose me and the kids forever he just cant do it.i cant force him to stay and i cant force him to leave all i can do is show him much i love him and hope that will be enough for him, ive tried everything else the begging the crying, yelling at him fighting with him we have never had that kind of relationship so i didnt see any reason to start now, I am the only one in his life that is trying to understand him everyone else is mad at him i hope thatwill count for something.he doesnt understand either why this happened he is more confused than iam .he wrote me a letterto me a while backand something he wrote to me always comes to mind when iam getting frustrated with him and the way he is behaving ,he wrote, you are one hell of a good woman. hes got that right! and i know i will be ok with or without him .