Hi guys,<P> Back on the keyboard. (I have no life.) I have read many stories of EMAs' on this site, and most state that when the affair was exposed to the scrutiny of friends and family, it began to unravel.<BR> I have been very protective of my wife since discovery. I even came up with a bogus scenario surrounding my wifes' pregnancy.( That we had been separated for several months, and thats when the pregnancy occurred. Not true, but this is the story we have given family and friends.) I really was trying to help cast her in a more favorable light, trying to help her, maybe lessen the shame she would have to endure.<BR> Did I shoot myself in the foot, did I unwittingly make it easier for her to carry on her affair. I can assure you that was not my intent!<P> God bless you, <BR> <P>------------------<BR><P>Lynton

Eeeew, Lynton. I don't know! That is a very good question...I don't believe I have any advice on this.<P>All I can say is that you were employing the MB principles with the Rule of Protection...and that's a good thing.<P>Others should be here soon to give you opinions...I wish I could be more help, Lynton...I know these early months are plagued with uncertainty...we all walk on eggshells worried we will do or say something that will chase our spouse away and back into the arms of the OP...in your case, you are trying to protect your wife (and you?) from embarrassment and negative fallout. That has to earn your wife's<BR>gratitude at the very least.<P>Keep focused.<P>Catnip =^^=<P>

I don't know that what I am about to say will help you. My feeling is even if my family and friends know the truth about the child if based on that they have a problem then to H*** with them. I am 30 years old and am slowly getting to the point in my life where always having others' approval is not necessary. I would advise that if there is a chance of someone finding out the truth then tell it from the beginning. Our plan is to be honest with the kids first and foremost, then if the need arises to tell others we will. Both our parents know. Mine were visiting us in Hawaii on D-day. (Not good) My opinion, which is derived in part from tiggers parents is that if someone is going to question who the father of the child is Why do they want to know? NOSEY??? Good gossip material. The bottom line is that only you and w and kids need know the truth. I seem to have rambled. I hope this helps. I just realized after I posted that I was on my w profile. Sorry!!<BR>SM59 <p>[This message has been edited by tigger4jdt (edited October 21, 2000).]

tigger and sailorman,<P> i graduated from kahuku h.s. in 93, your guys profiles said you are in pearl city. anyway, just wanted to say aloha from arizona.<P>lynton,<P>i am no expert in this situation, but i too have a cover story if my family ever finds out. it will just be an embellished version of the truth. i don't want them to hate him or anything. but i don't plan on them ever finding out. we have no contact with OC and will soon be paying support when the court gets around to the DNA testing etc. i know our situation probably seems so much easier to you. and it is. i can't imagine how stressful it must be. but you seem to love your wife a lot to try and protect her.<P>but in the end, like sailorman said, to h*** with what they think. i love my H and it was my choice to stay with him and work on our marriage. there are worse things he could have done...<P>so hang in there and stop beating yourself up. glad you found us here. hope we can be of help to you. earlier someone mentioned that guys don't get responses here. i guess for me i am just not sure if things i feel are the same things you guys feel. if that makes sense. but anyway, i will try to post to you guys too. since in the end we are all human. <P><P>------------------<BR>happy_girl

Hi guys, <BR> (still have no life!) <BR> Thanx for the responses. I have been lurking here for eight or nine months, I don't know why I waited so long to post.<BR>You see, I have had absolutely no one to talk to throughout this ordeal. I vaue the opinions and advice here, because you all have "been there". Thank you very much!<P> God bless you all,<P>------------------<BR><P>Lynton

Happy_girl<BR>Sorry Lynton but this is ironic. Where in Az are you? Tigger and I grew up in Tucson, which is where we were stationed before Hawaii. Recruiting!! UGH!!!<BR>Hang in there Lynton you obviously Love your w very much and as someone else said once you rebuild from this your marriage will only be better. Take care!!

sailorman, we are in phoenix. i would trade places with you guys in a second... i would love a day at the beach. and a good plate lunch, or a coconut turnover from zippy's. <P> happy_girl

Lynton I know where you are at with this. My H would suffer terribly if I exposed all this. In fact he would most likely lose his job, professional respect and lots of golf buddies. But I am not sure if it would end him seeing her. In fact, it may even open them up to the freedom to do as they please. You could end up with that same issue. Who knows. <P>I have followed the Rule of Protection because I do not want my H to suffer all the stuff that would come his way. Just because he doesn't care about what I suffer doesn't mean I will stoop to the level that him and OW are at. <P>Basically, as I have stated many times before on this board, I try to make my actions be what I feel are right and honorable. I question my intentions with most all my actions. If your intent is to love your wife and restore your marriage, I think you are on the right path. Don't focus on trying to blow up relationship with OM. Only she can do that, you cannot. Lord knows if any BS had the actual power to control the WS and their actions, we would all be doing it. All you can do is restore your relationship. Focus there.<P>Take care... <P>Carolyn

Takingcare,<P> Thank you. I need objective observations, because, like you, I am constantly questioning my own motives. Am I being selfish, vindictive, manipulative, etc. Thanx for the guidance.<P> God bless you, <P>------------------<BR><P>Lynton