Things are going great right now and I am so scared. I'm scared I'm going to push my H away. At least twice a week I accuse my H of another A. I can't seem to stop myself. My mind just goes wild and i find myself accusing him of sleeping with anyone and everyone. I hate this! <BR>Yes, I know I have a right to worry but I'm going crazy. My H is very good about reassuring me that nothing is going on. Maybe I just need more proactive reassurance from him. I don't know. <BR>Maybe I'm just trying to push him away so he can't hurt me again. <BR>I worry about every little change in his behavior. I know it is over with the OW but i worry that there is someone new. <BR>Thank you for listening. Any advice on this would be appreciated.

It is perfectly normal the feel the way you do. For me and my H, we have both been the WS. We have agreed that each of us has the right to know where the other is at any given time of the day, and understand the mis-trust that we each have. We are both working very hard on our trust for each other. And maybe this quote will help you as much as it has helped us. "Today is the first day of the rest of our lives!" That statement is so important to us, that we have it scrolling on our screen saver. I hope this helps, even a little.<P>Tigger

Ladygirl75, I think we have have all been there. I know I ? every thing my husband does be it possitive or negative. I hate it too. Iam sure in time it will pass and we can start trusting again. I dont usually say anything to him though because so far Ive been wrong in my nutty thoughts. I have to laugh at myself sometimes. You have every right to be that way he put you there. But try to come here and let us help you instead of accusing him of things if he isnt doing anything to make you mistrust him. see ya ,flowerseed

I have done the same things but I tried no tto do it to his face. Instead I went behind his back and snooped to my hearts content. I am not saying I recomend this approach, but eventually,when I found nothing, I got bored and cut it out. There are a few times when I made accusations but they were mostly bc i was still angry about his A and he wouldnt let me talk about it...so I gave myself something to yell at him about.<P>Eventually I told him why I was doing it and he allowed me to vent for nearly 5 hours. I felt much healthier after releasing all the pent up anger. I still get ancy sometimes but I just remember that in order for him to build up a lot o ftrust I must at least give him a little. <BR>God Bless...

ladygirl75,<P>i know how hard it is to trust once that trust has been broken. i remember thinking "i had no idea, how can i trust him now, i trusted him before and look at what happened". but i remember when we first dealt with the whole affair thing, which was about 3 1/2 years ago, i told him that i was going to give him back the trust he had violated. and the reason was that if i felt if i didn't, he would have a reason to say, "well, she doesn't trust me anyway, might as well do ...." you get the picture. so i just started all over again and tried as hard as i could to trust him and to show him that i did. it was hard, and sometimes i slipped and would question him, but it worked for us.<P>try to give your husband the benefit of the doubt. give him a little trust. we got that book called "adultery the forgivable sin" and it helped a lot. i told him right away that i was going to give him back the trust he didn't really deserve. he also knew that we had made a promise that if he ever cheated again, that it would be over, no if's, and's, or but's. i have total trust in my husband now. i even let him go talk to OW a back in july alone, because i know he won't do it again. he has shown me and proven to me that he is sorry for what he did. for all the pain that our marriage has suffered, that i have suffered. i love him and trust him. and that has made a big difference. like that saying goes, when you fall off the horse, get right back on again. we did. and it worked for us.<P>take care and hope you can eventually learn to trust your H again. by the way, what does 75 stand for? i ask because i was born in 75 and wondered what the numbers mean to you...<P>happy_girl<P>

Dear LadyGirl<P>Trust is the most fragile emotion in a relationship, love being the most enduring. Little surprise that BS like us are always afraid to be hurt again. I also believe that you are going through anger and disappointment at what your H did to your marriage, and you need to express that to your H in an assertive, diplomatic manner. Please go to "Just Found Out" and click "NSR's Notable threads/posts" to read about other perspectives to help you deal with anger and depression and trust.<P>God Bless you<BR>weep

Thank you all for your support. The reason this is so hard is that i did completely forgive and trust again 5 yrs ago. This is his 3rd A. <BR>2 wks before D day I asked him if he was the reason my friend hadn't sent me a baby announcement and hadn't even called since the baby was born. (she was the first A he had. It was also a one time quickie) I just had a bad feeling about her distancing herself. He basically told me not to worry. He even knew that the Paternity papers were on the way. <BR>I keep having that feeling. There have been some other things that just don't feel right. <BR>I know I have to give him a little trust in order for him to prove he is trustworthy and changing. It is just very hard right now.

Happygirl,<BR>Yes, the 75 is for the year I was born.<BR>Ladygirl