I am 43 and Wife is 33. We have a two-year-old girl and have been married 3.5 years. We rarely fight and everything was going great with our marriage I thought. Recently we bought a new house (6 months ago) and finically we are strapped. This was a change, I have a good job, but we are going through a rough and slow time at work. She did not want to work outside the home and she tried several home businesses to keep our child out of day care. They did not work out and she tried several part time jobs, which did not work out also. The reason any of them did not work out was not her doings – Two closed up and two cut back.
Three month ago she when out with the girls for drinks, they ended up in a dance hall. Now she cannot seem to stay away from the night-light. After three out of four weekends of her going out with the girls, I confront her with the problem that this type activity will cause. I did not think she was seeing anyone then because she was always with one of a neighbor’s wife and went to different bars. She said she was sorry and would stop, but that she loved the attention she got. When I asking her to go out dancing with me, she always had a reason not to go with me.
She went to see her family two month ago while I stayed with our baby at home.
She did the same thing two weeks later, I found out she was going to a local bar with her sister (43) & her sister’s boy friend (50) and staying out all night. I asked her to stop this and she agreed and said she was sorry. We never had a fight about this, just discussed it.
Two week later she said she was moving out and staying with her sister to be around her family. Her sister has got her a full time job and she put our daughter in day care four hours way from our home. She says she want to keep going to these bars and that she is just having fun.
Through this all she keep saying she loves me and want our marriage to work, but she had to be around her family.
She has always been close to her family and we had discussed moving closer to them on regular basics before this. - Her family has had a rough go with illness and deaths.
I said we would work this out, but please stay out of the bars. She stays out only to the next weekend.
I travel to where she was living ask to go to this bar, to see for myself why she could not stay away. The mimute we walked in you could tell why she like this place. The minute she walked in she was getting attention from every man in the place. She has always been a flirt, but in the past she had direct most of her attention towards me. But not this night, which hurt more because we had talked before about my doubts. This is a very small town and several men & women inquire when we where getting a divorce. After an hour of this while she was at the bar talking to two guys, I when up and asked her to leave. She finally left and blew up in the car – I had ruined her night and she wanted a divorce.
She later changed her mind and said she still loved me. She is still over there (4 hours away) and wants to stay while I sell our house and move into an apartment here in Texas.
I have told her that I would move to this small town, but she says that I could not find a job making what I make in this small town.
She had keep on most of her weight that she gained at childbirth, but she was still a very attractive women. I never said anything negative about this. She has felt bad about her self and we had talked several times about joining a gym for over a year.
Since moving away she has lost twenty pounds, wants braces, and bleached her teeth.

I love her very much, What can I do?

I am sorry for your pain. You need to find out what her emotional needs are. Please read about these. Most likely they are different form yours. I would then start Plan A. Where there is smoke there may also be fire. She may not be having an affair, but if she keeps up the current lifestyle that becomes more of a possibility. Having a child changes things, you need time alone. Read the Dr. Harley stuff. She is in a fog it seems.

might do better on general board

Thanks Jersey I will

Tread, I feel your pain, I allowed my first wife to quit her job, I worked 2 jobs to allow her to be a stay home mom,and bought a house that really hurt financially, but i thought she was mature enough to understand the financial strain of kids and home ownership, i tried to tell her that when the kids went to school in a few years she could work part time and remove some of the financial stress, but she got"BORED" and started going out, sound familiar?? I TRUSTED her to go to the bar, against my better judgement, but you know what they say, set them free and..... well, she found one of those bar scum bags much more fun than her RESPONSIBLE husband at home babysitting our kids. I've found that when women get bored with you, they feel guilty and try to tell themselves its all HIS FAULT, HOW DARE you men settle down and become responsible and BORING....i may be wrong, and do your best to prove me so, BUT, sounds like she's looking for greener grass, IF you can stand the thought of her cheating on you, {I couldnt, because SHE always said that crap to me, I never even thought of doing that},anyway, if you can stand the thought of her cheating, let her play her game, and tell her to call you if she grows up. I've read the "NEEDS" stuff on this site, YOU NEEDS to have a wife at home being a mother to the kids she wanted so bad, and a wife playing the good wife part, so it seems NO ONE's needs are being met now, are they?? seek residential custody of your kid and get child support from her, maybe some REALITY needs to set in for her. IF you want her back tell her it can all go away if she returns home and settles down. just my thoughts, good luck.

Thanks - for the advice.
I am having a hard time getting over what has happen in such a short time. Work is hard and live has very few bright spots.

Thanks again,

Tread

tread, i know how you feel, I felt very betrayed when my first wife pulled a similar stunt on me, chin up, take controll of the situation and stay focused on your child, NOW your child needs ONE STABLE parent, be there for them, find a way to VENT your frustration , focus on a hobbie, etc, stay in touch with friends and try to find positive things to do to keep your spirits up. as time passes you will come around, dont allow her to ruin your life, its her loss... consult a lawyer SOON, If she gets to court first YOU COULD LOSE the upper hand in this, people will reply and tell you I'm bitter, dont listen to me, and Thats not true, consult your lawyer, he/she will know how to best protect you and your child from your wife's bad judgement, dont wait too long, you will get hurt even worse, If you dont believe me, find a fathers rights group and present your story to them, I'll bet ONE of the guys there will REPEAT your story AND add the horrible ending you can avoid IF you move fast, protect your self. Because MEN are historically the "bad guy" when marriages break up your side needs a judge to hear it fast so that stigma doesnt apply to your case. www DOT facenj dot ORG.