Well, I am almost at the end of my rope. My husband drives an 18 wheeler. He went from making over $100 a year to bringing home about $400 a week...when he decided that he did not want to be over-the-road for 3weeks at a time or so. Kudos...to him for making a decision. However, we had just bought a house, a suburban, and I was not working...I "was" a housewife...tending to three children under the age of 4. So, I went back to work.

He had to file bankruptcy, because things got really tough. He would work here and there, but no where for more than a month or so.

He tried partnering with family members who also drive trucks...like...they would give him 40% of the trucks gross and keep the rest of what the truck made. Needless to say, the two times he tried that ended up disasters...in a matter of three to four months.

In January of this year, he stopped working all together. Our bills fell way behind. I filed taxes separately to be able to use the refund to catch up the house. He told me about three weeks ago that his father was going to give him a truck so that he could get back to work. In between all of this...he has had numerous companies offer him employment...however, he would not take it.

I have thought about packing up and leaving many times...because, of the confusion and stress it is causing. Not so much the money, but him not making good decisions and not wanting to talk about what we are going to do.

I feel that since he is off work, he should be able to help me more with our kids. Maybe watch them while I cook. Or, start dinner. Or, give my son a bath. Or, take out the trash ever now and then. Or, something "a little extra" since, he is home allllll dayyyy long. Now I work 10 hours a day, four days a week. I get up at 500am to get myself ready...which I rush to do because as he is snoring...I get three kids dressed and packed up to go. I have one in public school that has to be there by 730, otherwise, she has to be walked into school...which means getting out of the car and going to the front office and walking her to class. Which is not a problem, but when I have to get to work by 830am...it's a little tough...so...I'm angry at him everyday...because of this daily routine.

Well, one week ago...he got the truck that his father gave him "running". It's a 1980. No problem. Kudos to him for staying focused and getting it done :0)

So, now he is back to work. Yeah! Good move. And, although we are about to lose our house and car...I'm still hanging on and waiting for him to do something. I've given my ideas. Like moving to a smaller place, or apartment until we get back on our feet and then starting over. Filing Chapter 7, maybe...and getting from under the Chapter 13...which was a mistake to do in the beginning. I told him that since he filed the bankruptcy by himself...and, since my name is not on the house or the car...that we could put everything in my name next go round...if we couldn't do it together.

Oh, forgot to tell you...we have been married 1-1/2 years....kids before we were married...and, a little shacking <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> (

So, here we are...I'm still frustrated. He will not make a decision on what we are to do. He still snores while I rush every morning with the same routine. I get absolutely no time to myself. I have kids with me when I take a bath, cook...try to clean...there is one next to me know as I am typing this email...trying to get me to look at her artwork. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> \

He disappears on the weekends to his fathers house, by saying he is going to work on the truck...when I actually believe...he's just trying to get away from helping at home...or, he's doing something unfaithful...which puts a knot in the pit of my stomach...everytime he leaves.

I've started to prepare myself to leave...I've opened up my own savings account. I've started to look for an apartment. I feel...I'm doing it myself anyway...why carry the dead weight of an adult that can be alleviated???

I do love my husband, but he angers me each and every day. I don't understand how a parent can be so unwilling to do their part. He does what he wants to do...when he wants to do it. I wish I had that luxury...even on if once a week...heck...I'd take once a month.

Well...I've taken up so much space and time...venting...thank you all for listening to me...I truly needed to get it out. I get tired of arguing with my husband over the same things...especially since things never change.

Thanks again...any suggestions will be greatly welcomed...

First I want to say, I understand your frustration and It's good to hear you say you love your husband , yet its difficult to understnd why he will not be the father and friend you need him to be. It sounds as though your husband likes to withdraw when problems arise and you like to pursue the answers and solutions to keep moving forward. You may try a special date with your husband and then give him a letter not condemening him, but encouraging him in his responsibilites and also forgiving him for not taking the action you see as important. Then express your earnst desire to work on your marriage and ask him what he sees for your family in the future and ask is he willing to commit to getting the help neccessary for him to become a more effective communicator, husband, father and friend. Give him time to respond even a week. Tell him you would like for him to respond within a week, set a time and place to discuss things. Listen first and repeat back what he says,even if you do not agree, do not interupt and then share your thoughts and feelings, without accussing him. I know it seems like you have to do all the work, but you are the one aware of the problem and the one willing to do something about it. hang in there and don't complain, just pray. Change what you say about him and to him and find a good church to become involved in. You can read 1 corinthians 13 and I hope this will help you. Continue to be patient. you are a winner. and a great mother and wife.

I forgot: Also remember your husband is used to being gone quite a bit. So really you have been the one raising the children, even though you had more time to do this because you were not working, he probably does not know how to do what is required. Maybe he is ashamed to admit. Did he give you a reason for not continuing in the truck driving job, and were you supportive in his choice to change career paths.(maybe there were reasons he did not share with you)? Its' sounds as though he is depressed, has low self esteem steming from his ability to please you or perform as a father. I am sure you have tried to support him, sometimes our gretest effort seems to not be enough. Just wanted to throw out these questions for thought. Bless you.