This is one of those days. I can't stop crying. I wonder if I will ever be able to deal with all of this. I don't think I can put any closure to this because my in-laws won't talk to me about it. It's been over a year that I found out, but no one has ever really sat down with me and told me what went on. They all want to act like nothing ever happened. Believe it or not, I was VERY close with my in-laws and now I'm lucky if I get a phone call every once in a while. And God forbid if I bring up the subject. My father died about 4 years ago and I swear I feel like I'm greiving for them like I did for my father except they're not dead. Then sometimes I just wonder why I just can't get over this and quit feeling sorry for myself. I have 3 beautiful, healthy children, a H that would do anything for me and he really is a good H - believe it or not. I guess that's why I was so shocked by the whole thing. Well baby's crying, gotta go.<P>Thank you, thank you, thank you!<p>[This message has been edited by Eraser12 (edited November 20, 2000).]

I am sorry you are having a bad day today but please understand that these feelings are here TODAY and by the grace of God you won't feel them as bad tomorrow. The old saying "one day at a time" is so very true in this horrid situation. You have to take it one day at a time and every day take care of you, your children and your H. Please make sure you do not let this consume you. It is a horrible heart-wrenching situation but as you mentioned you have so much to be thankful for. YOU ARE BLESSED AND YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS. One day at a time Eraser and tomorrow will be better until there are more good days than bad days...I promise. My thoughts and prayers are with you tonight

Excellent advice from LeeLee. <P>She's right, Eraser. I have black moods and days when all I do is cry, rage and just stare into space immobilized with the pain, but magically, the next day I am in better place. It's a process we all have to go through. Each time we survive these bouts, we get better, and stronger.<P>These feelings are very real, very normal and very cyclical. Give yourself a break and accept these negative feelings as part of the healing process. As far as your in-laws are concerned, I am confused as to why they are pulling back from you, unless it is their own guilt and their own inability to face what their son has done.<P>What the WS's have done is very humiliating and embarrassing for the family. No one knows how to behave under these peculiar circumstances, however, time has a way of putting things in perspective.<P>Be grateful for your husband's remorse and desire to repair the marriage. Trust me, his involvement in your recovery and healing process will accelerate with his kindness and willingness to get close to you and make amends. Let him do this for you. He owes it to you.<P>Your in-laws will see how well you have handled this, that you were strong enough to forgive your husband and you will become close to them again and you will garner their admiration. Just give them some time and get your support from other sources. This place is a good place to start. it saved my life and brought me three wonderful friends...like Leelee and two other special ones who listen to me, and walk me through the shadows.<P>We are each others' angels here. And we're here to help.<P>Blessing to you<P>Catnip =^^=<P>PS Don't forget the holidays are a tough time for many of us as it is. Compound that with what we are all going through and you've got situational depression. The bad news is that you feel like hell, the good news is that it will pass.

Thank you LeeLee and Catnip! I really do feel better today. I guess that's just my personality to want to confront everything and deal with it and the way that everybody is avoiding the situation, OW and H included, I can't. With all the secrets and lies, I sometimes wonder if there's just more to the story that no one wants to tell me. My husband says I'm just making myself crazy and I guess what could be worse than the OC. Well thanks for the support. You all are truly angels.<P>P.S. I'm not familiar with all the abbreviations. What is a WS?<p>[This message has been edited by Eraser12 (edited November 21, 2000).]

Eraser12, I believe WS is wayward spouse . Hey dont feel alone, I make myself crazy at least 100 times a day. I think the not being honest about things has to be one of the worst parts of all this. They seem to think if they dont talk about it it will just go away. Try to tell your husband that if he would answer your ? than you wouldnt have to try to figure things out. Easyier said than done. Have to go for now hang in there with love flowerseed<P>------------------<BR>Carol Ann