Ohbratti1, if you feel so inclined to help me with this, I'd appreciate your perspective. . . but I'd understand if you preferred not to post/reply . . . sigh . . . <P>What does this behaviour indicate?<P>Approx. one week after first physical relation in the A, OW claims to be pregnant.<P>One mos. later (after H has ended affair), OW claims to be miscarrying.<P>One week later, OW maintains that she's still pregnant and tells H that she will not hold him responsible for OC. Fears retaliation from angry wife; fears H will want OC. H informs her no retaliation on my part, and he doesn't want OC.<P>Several days later, OW claims to be seeing baby doctor; queries about H's relationship with me. H says he's working on it daily.<P>Weekend after,OW does complete 180 degree turn around and verbally attacks H and is furious H is not taking responsibility for OC. (evidently spotted us in public together and is upset that things are going well for us.) Threatens to go to superior. H states that he loves wife, committed to marriage and will not deviate from that path.<P>One day later, OW again attacks H on same topic and questions about H being able to turn emotion off & on. Suggests that he has unresolved feelings for her. H repeats prior statement; refuses to be drawn into discussion any further.<P>One mos. later, OW again tries to open dialogue with H regarding OC and whether or not to abort; is upset H is not participating in the decision. Wants to know if he wants her to promise not to go to superiors regarding situation. Implies that her family members know the situation and are angry. H reiterates that he doesn't love her, wasn't and isn't in love with her, doesn't want OC, but to keep or to abort OC is her decision alone. OW asks that he not share this conversation with me and, again, queries about his relationship with me and wants to know if I know about pregnancy. H confirms again that I know EVERYTHING and reports that while our marriage is doing fine, it's really none of her business. She asks about future; H tells her we plan to relocate, after employment contractural obligations have been met, and move "forward" with life, and that she has option to do same. Nothing more to be said.<P>Regardless of whatever decision she makes to keep or abort, to expose situation to superiors or not, H stands rock solid on commitment to me, our marriage, our children. Nothing will sway him.<P>So, here we are. Are these last ditch OW manupulative techniques? Is there a trump card she's withholding? Why has she refused to take pregnancy test in front of me or H to prove her claims? Why hasn't she aborted yet? Isn't she running out of time?????<P>Or is it that she really isn't and never was, pregnant? This I suspect, but at this point, we have no way of knowing . . . anyone else been subject to these devious and underhanded "mind games"?<P><BR>And, do we have grounds for a harrasement case at this point, should it escalate beyond this? So far, we have been taking the stance of "no reaction", but at what point do we say "Enough's enough--how many more times does my H have to repeat this before you get it into your head?" ??????

I have been subject to this. Have to pick up my kid, but will post later.<P>Enlightened

Wow, that's seems to be alot of harrassing by the OW. You know the old saying "an empty bucket makes alot of noise".<P>I have not been through or as deep a situation you have, I was not aware until the alleged OC was one years old. But the playing games and actually just being a predator baby having type who will do what she can to keep herself engaged, emotional blackmailing type I do know.<P>First OW is saying she is, then not, then miscarrige, then not and is pregnant. Well seems to be alot of drama. <P>Your H has stated to this OW ( if it is his, which I doubt)how he feels about this whole situation. He seems to have tried to severe all communication. What type of communication does she have, phone, work etc..? But regardless, it is her responsiblity. Woman who have A with a taken man take all responsibility of birth control. So like if the OW knows how the H feels, she should take the full responsibility to make the decision to have a child from a A that will not flourish into a amicable relationship. Or even if she proves it is your H, the only legal responsibility will be financial support. You can't make someone be there. <P>The OW has given herself full reponsibility to have the OC clearly knowing what is at stake (H reveals feelings), raise it all by herself and cares for OC and be both parents to OC, PERIOD!. I am very adamant about this because the OW in my situation, claims my H is the father, but does not want to submit to a dna test. He did have unprotected sex and before telling me, he was worried of her suing him, so for about 5 months help her with diapers, shoes and a bit a cash for food. But once he told me I was like if she does not submit to dna test NO HELP!! OW said no because it already been a year and she doesn't want my H money. But of course she is a predator baby having type to do anything she can to keep herself engaged. Sorry for OW because she (H knew of others) was having sex with other people too. In my situation I think she is afraid of test, because if it comes back negative she has no leverage to tried to stay in our lives. <P>OW calls my H at his work number, of course when she knows he is not at work, so he won't reject her because she know this. The last message she left was to see if we were doing ok, that she hope (yeah right) that we were ok and that if ever wanted to know about the OC he could call. Still trying to engage, keep doors open. WON"T WORK. I hope the OW gets the message, because he does not want anything to do with her, like his says to me all the time "I AM THREW WITH IT, ONLY THING SHE CAN GET FROM ME IS A CHECK, NO TIME, NO DADDY. Hopefully she will stop calling because he is not going to call her back.<P>Your H should restrain from calling or communicating with OW when she tries to attack. Hang up, walk away, whatever it takes. If OW has other people calling, doctors or whatever, you should explain to them he has no envolvement and not to call or you will report them for harrasment they will stop, they are not going through that for a friend or patient.<P>To start any legal procedure with OW keeps her engaged. I know it hard but keep up the not retaliating, don't react. That's her way of keeping herself in your lives. So what if she tells superiors, they probably tell her this is personal issue and they will not get involve. We can't keep the OW from calling his work, but we know any other proceeding she will try she wil see us together all the way, I really don't think she wants to see that, she will be completely rejected/crushed. We decided we will fight her together no othe way.<P>Some people have no idea what coffee or roses smell like, what a shame. They love to play games, I know the OW in my situation will continue to play games until she gets tired of not being responded to, or if it comes down to it get a dna test as a last resort. We are ready for her come on. NO ONE can make any be there as a father, especially since in the beginning this has been clarified. The only obligation is financial support. So if this is not the real issue, like in my case, Ow tried selfishly, cruely, no matter who she hurt, even OC to keep my H engaged in her life. NO WAY!!!<BR> <P>Keep strong, be together in all involvement with OW. Just don't react to OW,that's her way of winning.<P><BR>

Sad Heart,<P>It sounds to me like this OW is playing games. It also sounds like she’s doing a whole lot of harassing. Has your husband thought of getting a restraining order? I would. As for the pregnancy, I would demand proof of pregnancy, which her OB can readily give her. Aside from that, I would just hold firm and let her know that, until the baby is born, you have nothing more to discuss with her. She brought that on herself by playing games with you and your husband. The wife in my situation was the one to initiate all communication with me. The understanding between her and her husband was no contact without her presence, or knowledge (at the very least). The OW has no business in your marriage and your marriage is none of her business. If she’s not being reasonable then it’s time to get tough. Don’t take a sideline to her machinations. Let her know who you are and that you are there to stay.<P>In my opinion, the OW’s claim to pregnancy is a desperate act to hang on to your husband, and she’s getting more and more desperate each time your husband rejects her. I don’t know about a trump card, but be careful. Desperation can make a person mean and nasty.<P>I was very forthcoming with details when it came to my situation. Whatever his wife asked of me, I answered. I provided the proof of pregnancy. I didn’t ask questions about them or their marriage because it wasn’t my business. I respected his wife’s request that I not attempt to contact him. As a matter of fact, I didn’t call unless called first, and I always addressed my messages to her. Regardless of the circumstances, I respected their marriage and her place as his wife. But, it’s a never ending ordeal. I had my baby two weeks ago and have been attempting to play by the rules/boundaries she set. Apparently he’s not. He has called me several times since the birth of our son. I was under the impression that she new about it and that it was just to get details about the baby, which is what I kept the topic to. I just found out today that she doesn’t know he’s calling and he’s asking me not to tell her. I have very mixed feelings about this. On one hand I don’t want to get mixed up in their problems, but on the other hand I feel she has a right to know. Something for me to sleep on.<P>Anyway, Sad Heart, be strong and stand firm with this woman…and your husband. A lot of what your husband is saying to this OW was also relayed to me through the wife, and yet her husband is now back-peddling and telling me that it wasn’t true and that it wasn’t what he really wanted.<P>I wish you hope, strength and endurance.<P>

My story played out much like yours.<P>Three months after discovery, I found that H was still carrying on his affair. I made arrangements to leave him and relocate to another state. At that point, he decided to finally end it for good.<P>Well, within 48 hours of his notifying her of this, she announced that she was pregnant. From what I knew about her and her devious ways, I thought she was lying. H and I had already agreed to try to make our marriage work so we held firm. <P>After a week, she called him @ work to tell him that she lied. He again made it clear that it was over. A week later, her friend called H at work to tell him that OW "lied about lieing" and that she was really pregnant and did not want to "burden" him. Friend suggested/demanded that H call OW. He refused and told friend that he needed to see medical proof of pregnancy and that he and I would decide our position in the matter from there. He also told secretary to not take any calls from her or her friend.<P>This infuriated OW and she began to tell anyone who answered at his office that she had "test results" (same results she cannot provide to him) to send to his office manager if he did not call her. To avoid a breaking office scandal, we pursued and were granted a restraining order. Have not seen or heard from her since (this was over 4 years ago).<P>This OW was just plain devious. The pregnancy was just the icing on the cake among many other devious acts.<P>I agree w/others. Stand united w/your husband. This will probably continue to irritate her, but eventually she will realize that she will not come between the two of you. <P>Other fueling the gossip mill, I don't know that going to superiors at H's job will have much impact.<P>I also think you have grounds for a restraining order. If there is a pregnancy, there are legal channels that can mediate the custody, visitation and support aspect (talk through the lawyers). In the meantime, if H does not want to speak to her, she is harrassing him because she is causing emotional distress.<P>Stay Strong!<BR>Enlightened<P> <P><p>[This message has been edited by Enlightened (edited November 30, 2000).]

OW has contact with my H through work; she is his superior in office. H has communicated with her on only work-related issues; she always initiates communication regarding the ended A, whether or not to abort OC, etc. He has not made any demands towards her regarding abortion nor whether or not to report to superiors, but, when she has threated to go to superiors, H has indicated that this would only result in both losing jobs and virtually eliminate chances of future employment in same field, particularly for her.<P>Our situation is a delicate one: Given employment contracts, it is not possible for us to relocate for another 6 mos. For my H to request release from contract to seek employment in same field, would require providing clear and specific reasons. Same reasons COULD make it difficult to obtain employment in same field elsewhere.<P>FOR SAKE OF OUR CHILDREN, we are strongly in favor of not making an already messy situation even uglier, and are attempting to "survive" until employment contract is fulfilled/terminated. H does not intend to go to superiors, unless OW does so first, in order to defend his position.<P>If OW were to reveal situation to her superiors, it would result in her being fired, given the "harrassment" she has demonstrated and would make it virtually impossible for her to obtain work in same field again, and would also be grounds for strong lawsuit against both her and employer by my H, if he were also fired.<P>Is it possible to obtain restraining order and still avoid it becoming public knowledge? And, as I've never done this before, exactly HOW does one go about seeking a restraining order?<P>Another dilemna I have is, would it be wise to inform OW via written means or other, that if she continues to pursue communication other than work-related issues while in office with H, that we intend to pursue restraining order? Restraining order is not something we want to resort to, but, if OW does not cease non-work related communication, we may not have a choice. . . <P>Ohbratti1, and others who replied, I thank you so much for your insight and comments. You gave me the tiniest ray of light in this hopeless tunnel my H and I sometimes feel so trapped in . . .

Sad Heart-<P>I better understand your dilemma. <P>Our restraining order was the first and last time I EVER dealt with the legal system, so I am certainly no expert. In our state, we had to first apply for an emergency order of protection. Go before the judge that same day and plead our case. As she was not there to defend herself, judge approved the order. It was not considered "in effect" until she had been served by the sheriff.<P>The emergency order was in effect for 30 days until an actual hearing could take place. At that time, judge hears both sides and rules. Order was extended for 2 years. (I believe she is also charged with a misdeamor harrassment charge.)<P>As far as I know, these orders only become public knowledge if the parties disclose it themselves. We disclosed this to our day care to ensure that she had no dealings with our children. (You never know)<P>Her being his superior is a tough one. My first thought is, how would one enforce only work-related communication. But in reality, its really no different than a sexual harrassment case when for example, a superior flirts with a subordinate and the subordinate files a harrassment claim. So the way that two individuals can continue to work side by side after a sexual harrassment claim, I suppose is the same way a restraining order can be enforced. The "overseer" is the courts.<P>I personally would not want to be under "control" of OW so I would not pre-warn her. But that's just me and I have nothing at stake. To be honest, at this point it appears that she is abusing her position of power.<P>"Surviving" the next 6 months seems like the best option. Keep in mind that this can most likely be done WITH a restraining order in place, should you feel its warranted.<P>Good Luck!<BR>Enlightened<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Enlightened (edited November 30, 2000).]

Enlightened,<P>Food for thought--I thank you for sharing your experience.<P>I will do more investigating on restraining order; H and I have discussed that if she broaches the subject again (she always corners him at work, which, of course, makes it easy because I'm not there, never calls to our home, etc.) that an appropriate response will be "I feel like you are harrassing me; do NOT communicate with me any more, other than work-related matters."<P>H feels that perhaps that's now what she needs to hear, the term "harrassment", to make her back-off. She's had ample opportunity to tell him what she thinks of him, express her anger, etc. Which is more than she deserves. He allowed it out of fear that she would do something rash like going public and getting them both fired. He admitted, too, that at the time, it was also out of guilt towards hurting her, because he felt so despicable and ashamed of himself for having the A in the first place. He does not feel that way any more.<P>During these attacks, he saw a side of her he didn't realize existed during the brief A--very dark, selfish, manipulative, deceitful, ugly and hateful. She has revealed her true self. She laid on the guilt trip very thickly, and with a great deal of venom. . . won't bore you with ALL the details, but it was very underhanded.<P>At this point, altho I have avoided conflict and a scene by avoiding the office, I'm beginning to think that perhaps my presence there, unexpectedly and often, would give her cause to feel uncomfortable. I'd like to corner her and say<P>"Let me make something clear: he wants nothing to do with you and he's committed to me and our children. Nothing you do will change his feelings on that. You can choose to have the baby, raise it, and give it a happy, loving home or you can choose to abort it. You alone are in control of that and you alone will make that decision; my H wants no part of you or your decisions, and no part of the OC. You need to stop harrassing him on this issue and communicate with him on work-related matters only. You and he are in the same boat with regards to employment contracts. You can choose to escalate this into an uglier mess or you can choose to 'survive' until your contract is fulfilled. If you choose to make it uglier, be prepared for when the smoke clears. You will have lost the most because you will still be alone, but also without a career, and without future employment prospects in this particular field. Whatever happens, my H and I will have each other and we WILL move on and forward in our life together, and you will NOT be in it."<P>This would give me a great deal of emotional satisfaction, however, I doubt it would improve the situation and might make things worse, given her state of mind and the unpredictability of her behaviour. . . <P>Any votes on this particular action on my part?

I usually don't post re: how to deal w/OC as my only experience is what I have already described. So I will only speak to the possibility that this is a game that she is playing, OK?<P>"This would give me a great deal of emotional satisfaction, however, I doubt it would improve the situation and might make things worse, given her state of mind and the unpredictability of her behaviour. . ."<P>I think you are right. If she is manipulative, hateful, etc., she most likely sees you as the "enemy" I don't think she would respond well to any comments from you. Should you decide to speak to her, be prepared to NOT get the reaction you would like.<P>Others who have gone through a "real" pregnancy can advise you better, but perhaps those thoughts in a letter from him to her will work. This could include a caveat that upon providing proof of a pregnancy, any communication re: OC will be done through your attorney. <P>Enlightened

I am no where near your situation, but I have two initial reactions:<P>1) Your husband needs to stay strong and NOT discuss any personal matters with her. If he needs to get restraining order, so be it. I think using the term "harrassment" is good. And he needs to physically remove himself from any situation when she starts talking to him in this way.<P>2) IF she is pregnant, and IF she decides to keep the baby, that doesn't mean that your H is the father. I would suggest that he not even acknowledge it unless she forces him (by legal means) to. And even then, I would suggest that he force her to have a paternity test at that time to prove that he is the dad.<P>Until then, keep as far away from her as possible.....both of you. Also, you H should be documenting (dates, times, places) the times that she harrasses him.....he'll need that I think. If she ever sends him e-mails or voice mails...keep copies of all that.<P>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O<BR>

The fact that she is his superior puts a whole new spin on things. She has certain, irrefutable obligations to provide a harassment free work place. It's no longer just sexual harassment. Your husband is protected from what is called a "hostile work environment" under state and federal law. I would recommend contacting the EEOC and ask for remedy to this situation. You don't have to file a claim with them. Just ask some questions about your husband's rights and what course of action they recommend. Once you have that ammunition, hit her with it. Let her know that you will pursue a claim with the EEOC, who will prosecute her and the employer for hostile work environment. In addition, threaten to file a civil suit against her and obtain a restraining order. Your standard restraining order will not allow her to communicate with your husband in any way and will demand that she not come within 100 yards of him. If she does, she can be arrested. She's using pretty heavy tactics to get to your husband, it's time you do the same.

She sounds like a desperate woman making last-gasp attempts. Some great ideas here re: harrassment! But I'd say you'll need good documentation and witnesses to pursue it, legally; might be good for getting her to back off! But don't make empty threats. She sounds unstable and, you never know, could be a danger. I don't think there is anything you can do legally re: whether or not she's pregnant; time will tell. <P>Sorry you're in this position, but congradulations on being in recovery!

I am in a similar situation as far as employment goes. My H had affair with his direct report (he is boss). She pursued him, but it still does not matter. He will be fired on just the implication of harassement. But most likely she will too.<P>Basically, I would say that this woman is just manipulating any way she can. Who knows why. Maybe she is scared that your H will report her and if she is "linked" to him somehow via a supposed pregnancy then maybe she feels more secure. Who knows. Don't even bother trying to figure her out. You cannot figure out folks whose thinking is so screwed up to begin with.<P>You probably cannot get a restraining order, due to work replationship. To my knowledge an order cannot include some contact & exclude other contact. It is all or nothing. <P>I did only once contact OW and told her that if there was any more contact outside of work I would get restraining order. Of course I could not. Only he could & he didn't. Too messy & same issues you have... exposure & loss of job. She still calls & leaves him cell phone messages. I guess she now laughs at me since she knows I cannot do anything. Please don't confront her. You are too good a person to fall into that trap. It just brings you down to her level. <P>You can file EEOC claim, but it will be on record and could impact future employment, just the same as all this coming to light via any other means. I know all these things are supposed to NOT follow you and cause negative impact, but there is always a chance. <P>If OW in our case ever does anything to cause my H to lose his job I have considered what options I have via legal system "after the fact". Example: file suit on her for false prosecution since I have evidence that she willing participated in affair. Or perhaps file charges of intent to cause harm to my family. All this is subjective though & my laywer (like most of them) has told me it just isn't something worth doing. But I guess what I am trying to say to you is, just live with it for a few months, try to forget her, and don't pursue legal action until she has done something to warrant it. You will get through it. <P>Take care... Carolyn

Actually, from my experience with restraining orders (unfortunately it's rather extensive), you need very little in way of proof to obtain one and to have it put in effect permanently.<P>Basically, once your H has made it clear to her that he wants no involvement with her other than what is absolutely necessary for work, and she continues to contact him regarding personal matters, that is harassment.<P>I think it varies county to county, but where I am, when you fill out the initial paperwork for the order you don't even see the judge. The judge reads the paperwork, and generally will give it for at least 2 weeks automatically. Then you go back to court and appear before the judge and basically restate what you wrote in the original filing. Generally it is extended. If the respondent does not show up for court, it is pretty much automatically extended. <P>Our latest order was granted indefinitely.<P>I would suggest that your H find a way to have no dealings with her at work unless there is at least one other person within ear shot.<P>I doubt this woman is pregnant. It's a ploy. If she were, and has seen a doctor she would provide proof if he has doubts. OW #1 pulled the I'm pregnant when she told me and found that it wasn't going to get him back. She called him the next day and said "I'm pregnant". He called her the next day to discuss it, and she admitted it was a lie. I think it's pretty common. OW #2 claimed she had thought she was pregnant that month when she told me. Turns out she hadn't had sex with him in over 3 months, so she would have missed more than one period.

Thank you so much for all the advice--all of you.<P>Ohbratti1, belated congratulations on the arrival of your precious little one--may he bring you all the joy your heart can hold! And, I sincerely wish you both everything that is good in life.<P>One of the things that saddens me, if OW should decide to keep OC and not terminate the pregnancy, are some of the things she said to my H in her angry attacks. "How will I tell this child that you abandoned us and didn't want it?" Regardless of "whose" child it is, all I could think was, "If you cannot love, protect, and care for this child, please do not condemn it to a miserable pain-filled childhood/life."<P>I was absolutely horrified that a mother would ever say such wretched, hurtful things to an innocent child. . . <P>Well, I'm off to do more research; they say knowledge is power. So, I guess I'm empowering my H and myself for whatever lies ahead!<P>Thank you, Jenny, for the good wishes on our marital recovery . . . our relationship is better than it has ever been before and all I want for Christmas, is for it to continue forward in a loving, positive way, always growing, always loving, always committed. I truly believe it will with all my heart, because I want it more than anything and so does my H. For that, I am so grateful and so happy. He completes me.

Sad Heart,<P>I feel for you and your pain..It sounds to me that OW is making a desperate attept to get your H back..whether she says it or not. Since H works with her, he should make it clear that he will not discuss personal matters with her...That it is now a business relationship only...I have no other advice on this matter as my H lives with his OW...All I can say is good luck and I hope this misery will go away for you and your family...I am praying for you..Just stay strong!<BR>Aloneandsad

Sad Heart,<P>I know your head is spinning from all the advice that you have received but I would like to add a few words of caution.<P>The most important thing for you to look at is your objective. It would feel great to storm into your H's office and speak your mind to the OW. It would also feel great to file formal charges against her and take her to court. But as others have said -- although it is not how it should be -- these things can cause negative impacts in your life that you may not be prepared to deal with.<P>It sounds like the OW is an annoying pest who is trying everything to get your H interested in her again. That alone, I am sure, is driving you crazy. But, it seems that you and your H have re-committed to each other and right now the most important thing to you both is the REST of your life -- not these six months of hell dealing with the OW.<P>If she is pregnant, then time will tell the tale. And, if the child is your H's then, at the proper time that will be determined and decisions will be made accordingly. But, for right now, it is probably in your best interests to play the situation down.<P>I think your H is doing a great job by not giving her anywhere to go with her questions. He is frustrating the heck out of her. And, his reminder that they will BOTH lose their jobs is an excellent way to keep the situation in check.<P>The hard part for you is the uncertainty because let's face it, your trust has taken a pretty bad hit. To know that this woman is throwing herself in your H's face every day is not easy. The best way to deal with that is the keep the communication with your H open. He has to understand how difficult this is for you and make the extra effort to give you the extra support and encouragement that YOU need while you are waiting out the contract to move on.<P>If you file a suit, it is absolutely true that the heavier responsibility for the harassment will be levied against the OW as the supervisor. But, your H will not escape innocently either and the record may follow him for a long time.<P>So please, think it out carefully, and most importantly, talk openly and honestly with your H -- it's his career and your future together that is at stake.<P>God bless you and give you the wisdom to make the decisions that are right for you.<BR>- Heavenly

Heavenly,<P>Thanks for your perspective. Yes, my mind has been reeling. Right now, I'm in a "gathering information" mode. I feel that it's important for us to be prepared for what MAY come, if she goes public or to superiors. You know, sort of getting ammunition ready for a legal battle, if it should come to that.<P>My H and I spent a night away from kids, talked long and deeply about our situation, and actually came to the same conclusion as you suggested. I know we need to remain calm and level-headed to protect our best interests. We made an incredible amount of progress . . . it was a much needed escape and great relief to be able to talk freely and openly without worrying about the kids overhearing, etc.<P>We know we still have a lot of work to do, but we are so "together", united. And so committed to surviving this and moving on to a richer and better marriage. I believe we will succeed.<P>We are doing all the right things, according to SAA, so we feel very good about the direction we're taking. Right now, we feel inclined to follow what is in our best interest as far as the future and total recovery are concerned. We are working on strategies to make it through the next 6 mos. until contract is up and we can relocate.<P>I guess, I have been hoping that someone might tell me that "yes, this is possible; it's going to be a tough road, but if you and your H are committed to this, you will make it through and move on."<P>My H is very committed to doing ANYTHING I ask to reassure me during these next 6 mos., as we both work at rebuilding my trust with him and I know that will help me through this difficult time.<P>Everyone's support on this board has also been very helpful and much appreciated. I cannot express my gratitude for the concern, helpful information and personal experiences everyone has shared with me. I only wish I'd known so long ago what I've so recently learned so this would never have happened to us. . . but, I also know I cannot dwell on that and should channel my energy into recovery, because we'll have a better marriage than ever before and this knowledge helps ease the pain and sadness that sometimes overwhelms me.

Sad Heart,<P>Yes, it is possible -- the road will be tough at times but if you and your H are committed to each you, you can make it and move on!<P>There are many of us on this board who are living proof of that. You seem to have a very positive attitude and your H seems to have fully realized what his mistake could have cost him.<P>You sound like ideal candidates for "forever". <P>Try to keep that in mind when those little sad thoughts try to break in. We all make mistakes -- some more serious than others. But, I am so glad that your H is willing to work on regaining your trust and keeping your love intact.<P>Good luck,<BR>- Heavenly