</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by wiegee:
<strong>
He was given three options to take care of it, but he refused to do that for a year.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What were the three options?

Thx.

Testosterone can be delivered by patch, gel or injection.

My husband said the patches made his muscles hurt, so that might well be a problem for other people, too.

Gel seemed to be OK; he just didn't want to do it.

Injections work best for him. But for a long time, he simply wouldn't make appointments to go to the doctors office to get them.

Finally, he told the doctor that this problem was putting a huge strain on the marriage and that he needed some way of getting the shots outside the office. I was trained to give them. Made me quite nauseous the first time, but now it's not much of a problem for me to give them.

Give him the choice go to a sex therepist or a divorce lawyer, pick one either way you must solve your problem. You are a woman so get some toys and take care of yourself in bed next to him and see what he does. My bet his testorone level is abnormal and he has no urge to perform. Anyway you need to take control of the situation and become the pants there.

Good Luck and settle for nothing but the best, we are on this planet only for a short time so make the best of it

Toman

Give him the choice go to a sex therepist or a divorce lawyer, pick one either way you must solve your problem. You are a woman so get some toys and take care of yourself in bed next to him and see what he does. My bet his testorone level is abnormal and he has no urge to perform. Anyway you need to take control of the situation and become the pants there.

Good Luck and settle for nothing but the best, we are on this planet only for a short time so make the best of it

Toman

well my thoughts are that 10 yr 5 times ? umm i couldnt doit its atleast 3 times for me a week umm mabey if you can just talk it out tell them that you want it more then that mabey he'll give in if you stand naked with whip cream on you parts..lol give him a tease make him want you or somthing i think it kinda wieard that situation .. i couldnt do it ..good luck ...
just let him know how you feel ....

Jbird I have only been in my marriage since sept 99 and we have sex maybe once every 4-6 months. I have talked to our doctor about this because I thought it was me. The doctor was stumped on why he is this way.

My H is only 35 years old and he finds sex as "Too much work" and doesn't like anything done to him during sex. He doesn't like oral, foreplay on himself and I have gotten it three times in the five years from him. He is not circumsized and says he doesn't feel much and yet the doctor has told me that men that haven't been cut feel more. I am confused. I have tried many things and he still just doesn't want to have sex hardly at all still using the same line "Too much work". He says that because it takes more to get a woman going than just a few kisses on the mouth and then going at it.

So yeah your not the only one going through this. Only mine isn't quite so far in between and we haven't been married that long.

Any suggestions would be great though. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hi there JBird (and all the others sharing the same sinking ship as us).

Without going into too much detail, I will try to be as brief as I can. Its the readers digest version. (backround at bottom)

When we were engaged, my H was living in my (and my parents) basement. Several months before we got married he seemed to get less interested in sex, when I asked about it, he said he felt funny being in my parents house and all...okay I said I understand.
Then we got married and everything went along fine...for a few months. Then he started to turn me down when I initiated sex. (ps, I NEVER turned him down..I enjoy sex) I began to feel SOOO rejected that I would spend hours writing in a journal and crying while he was sleeping. Then we went to a couples sex therapist. My H determined that he didn't like to have sex bcz afterwards he 'felt bad'. Couldn't define it more than that. okay, I said I understand. So we only had sex VERY rarely mostly on his terms bcz he usually turned me down (not always but mostly) Then we had 2 kids. Then as the years piled on, he turned me down more and more and I asked les and less. Sometimes he would still initiate. Then about 5 years ago I was so royally upset about him always rejecting me and no longer initiating it, that I said no more. I will no longer initiate. If we are going to have sex again, it will be bcz HE initiates it. It is amazing the capacity the human brain has to make excues for anyone behavior. I always blamed myself. I am not pretty enough, I am too fat, and when I lost weight too thin, afterall I was heavier when we met. I made excuses for sooo many years. It's kind of appalling now to realize that I allowed him his excuses, was an enabler if you will.
We didn't have sex again. (except for 3 times a few months ago-but thats a different story) Never asked me about it or said anything at all. I finally realized last year that I was clinically depressed. I went to a therapist. After this visit (he went 1 time by himself) we had a talk and I found out that he had sex w/someone he met online in a matchmaker group. Then I tried to point out to him that I realized he had been having an EA w/someone I thought was my friend for the past year. (ps. the EA is alot harder to forgive) The EA is another longer story....
Anyway all this has created so much conflict. Now he tells me that the reason he never wanted to have sex...even back then was bcz he felt that maybe he didn't really want to be here with me. (oh thanks). And maybe the only reason he asked me to marry him was bcz my family was so nice to him. (oh thanks again) So I asked for 2 things from him currently, end the EA and go to therapy. He is not willing to do either for now so he is moving out this month.
Sorry if this is too much info but my real point is...it catches up to you. the pain from rejection goes somewhere when you don't fix or address it. Mine came out in weight and clinical depression. The mind cannot handle all the rejection. Not being touched, intimatly makes you feel ugly, unloved and not worthy of being touched. We are now married 19 years. I wish I could have been a stronger person back then....but I wouldn't be who I am today if I had not gone through all I have had to endure.
We'll see, maybe he will move out realize he has been an [censored] and I'll even let him come home, but....I cannot tell yet which path is mine.

ANYONE who is in a similar situation, and wants to chat more indepth, please feel free to e-mail Just be sure to put MARRIAGE BUILDERS in the subject line so I don't delete it thinking its junk mail. :-0

So yes, I have lived the sexless marriage game. Not that any of our friends could tell. They have always told how the wish their mariages could be more like ours, bcz we get along so well. I always thought, if they only knew, but was too humilated and embarressed to EVER discuss it.

Well, my thoughts and prayers go out to all of you.
Timeslave

Married 5-27-84
2 kidds, 16 and 13
found out IA 1-21-03
found out EA 2-4-03
2-17-03 H and I reconnected through communicating
2-27-03 H told me he didn't know if this is what he wants and needs time to think about it.
6-28-03 had to tell my family and our kids that dad is moving out

**G-d grant me courage wisdom and strength to get through this lifes lesson**

<G>
**G-d put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things, right now I am so far behind, I will never die.**

Hello everyone. I'm so glad SOMEONE posted this topic, although I'm very sad that I or anyone else should have to post on it. I've been married for almost 12 years, and my H and I have NEVER consummated our marriage (except for oral-99.5% for HIM, unfortunately). I spent the entire decade of my 40's unloved and practically untouched. And yes, my H did suffer from low hormone levels (he stopped wearing his patch years ago); the pump didn't work; and neither did the "little blue pill". I have to BEG for a hug, and kissing? Fuggedaboutit! We sleep in separate BRs now, becaue I have to get up a lot earlier than he does, and he watches TV until 1 or 2 am-and I've given him the option of sleeping with him with the TV off. He prefers the TV. Of course, he had NO problem having EAs with TWO women,one of which is still occurring somewhat (and she lives right around the corner and is a former GF, OH Joy!). To top it off, she's retired and he's retiring in August, so he can just trot right around the corner of the block to fill his ENs, while mine wither in the dirt. And hey, to top it all off-he's got cancer now, and just had his second surgery-so even if he COULD perform, it just ain't gonna' happen-probably ever. I won't cheat on him, and I won't abandon him in his illness, even though he's emotionally abandoned and betrayed me twice. At least one of us might as well keep their vows, I figure. I get so lonely sometimes that I think I'll scream or break something-in fact I'm crying right now as I'm typing this (and I'm at work too-good thing everyone took off early for the holiday weekend). Anyway, I don't want to have a "pity party" here, I just wanted to say THANKS for everyone else sharing this problem and speaking up. Like I said, I'm sorry we're here, but it's good to know I'm not the only one to live with this situation. And BTW, we LIVED together for two years before getting married-my H had me thinking it was MY problem that he couldn't perform, because I wasn't attractive enough, or because he was angry at me. He also has a problem with porn, and now that he's home he can look at it on-line all day-on MY computer yet! he's especially fond of bondage, and my face gets red even thinking of the ridiculous outfits and poses he'sput me into, or the "toys" I've bought for him over the years, just to try and get him interested enough to accomplish ANYTHING. What a waste. I hope someone will respond, because his present depression with the cancer is making it so intolerable to be with him, as well as being lonely and unloved anyway, that I am becoming a depressed person. And trust me-I had a brain tumor for FIVE years and had excrutiating headaches, and never got depressed then, so it's really getting bad now. I do take ADs for chronic pain due to an injury, so they help some,; and I've been to IC, but it's just the long years ahead. I'm actually afraid I'll get in a car wreck or something or die before I'm ever touched again-geesh, how loony is that? Sorry I got so long-winded; I guess this is just a 12-year long "vent". Take care, "Desperate" all. :teary: :teary:

Oh gosh-that was my first post. Pls excuse the "teary, teary" at the end-I had mistaken put two "gremlins" in, but thought that I disabled them-duh! "Desperate"

I also have dreams with others in it. In fact for the past five years I have never had a sexual dream with my H in it at all. When I do have a dream with my H in it he is leaving me for someone else every time. Sure would like to get my H to have sex with me somehow whether in awakeness or in my dreams. lol

WOW!! I've just spent the last couple of hours ~~ on & off ~~ reading these 2 pages on this topic ~~ I'd honestly about decided I was all alone out here!!! Well, actually, I guess I am (as far as I can determine) ~~ I'm in my mid-60s ~ and I've been married for 45 years ~ sexless since mid 1970s!!! The reason is not "Any of the Above" however ~ and I hope I'm not breaking the rules by telling it. If I am, I can only hope someone will delete my post or whatever needs to be done.
Okay ~ here it is ~~ H is no longer interested in sex w/me because he'd rather take care of it himself ~ he runs around as much as he can w/o any clothing ~ he shaves off ALL his body hair regularly ~ he takes naked pix of himself ~ he was arrested for indecent exposure within 24 mos. of us being married ~~ and I learned 2 years ago he'd molested our son when son was early teen. I'm still with him ~~ I am 'mobility challenged' ~ have been for over 10 years ~ so I'm making him pay for depriving me of a normal life in every way I can!! No, not really ~~ but I figure he owes me ~ so he gets to take care of me financially and provide transportation etc. I'm not sure why I stayed with him after his arrest in the beginning, except our son was just an infant ~~ and 3 years later I had our daughter ~ and these 2 kids are such a gift from God!! In the early years I stayed because I believed marriage was forever ~ besides, I truly thought his 'idiosincrasis' were my fault for not being 'woman enough'!! I'm not stupid ~ I'm college educated ~ retired R.N. ~ and, also ~ I'm a born-again, charismatic Christian (Roman Catholic) for 50 years. Why am I posting now? Because I found this site ~ because I'm lonely ~ because I've got NOBODY to talk to about this ~ my wonderful shrink died of cancer 2 years ago ~ and did I mention I'm lonely?? Not generally ~~ I've many friends, and I'm active in civic affairs and prayer groups ( both on and off line) and Bible studies and church and social stuff ~ I just thought it would be neat to have some communication(s) with others who might understand my situation. I'm sorry to have been so wordy ~ maybe (??!!) I just needed to vent!! Thanx, anyone/everyone for 'listening' ~~ God bless you all ~~ Cath

I can not believe so many women have this problem...this baffles me. I have gone to parties and stuff like that, and the women complain that thier men want it all the time yada yada yada. I hate to hear that.

Anyway I'm shocked by the amount of women in these kind of relationships, and thier men have had pa's and ea's. Why didn't they show us that they wanted us, makes no sense. Except for the fact that maybe they didn't love in the first place. I'm interested to know from some of you how much attn/affection does your h show outside the bedroom. Mine doesn't show it in the bdrm or outside the bdrm..it's like I'm being taken for granted all of the time.

My h is also full blown into porn, he needs to make up his mind. He like sex or not? None of his excuses that he looks at porn because "he's still a man" last time I looked I was "still a woman".

I would very much like to get in contact with any of you that would like to start talking about this. So many people I know don't have this problem, not with the porn, not with the lonliness. Blondesarenteverything@yahoo.com
Thanks for sharing your stories...I don't feel so alone anymore.

Hi Timeslave,
You said if anyone wants to chat about this same situation to email you. I would love to but I don't know your email address.

Sincerely TN3

Hello everyone, I am a man and i'd just like to make a few comments and suggestions...I don't know the ages of some of your Husbands, but I know one is 34, i'm 33, if they never have any sexual feelings then there has to be something medically wrong with them and need to seek some help, if they refuse then they are not considering your feelings or really don't see the severity of there action's or inaction there case. Also if your Husband's are looking at porn, they are not being truthful with themselves or you because Porn in itself is nothing but sexual, and they're probably masturbating while looking at it.. As for the W whose husband is viewing gay magazines or images and says that he's just reading the articles, that's the lie that men tell when they're looking at playboy, the articles are interesting but that's not what kept Hugh Hefner so wealthy all these years..there is something definitely wrong with that, next time you catch him looking at it check and see if he has an erection....ok i'm babbling so i'll check back later.

Hi Tennessee3...

Sorry about that I thought my e-mail showed up on the bottom of the post...I have been away for a short time so haven't seen your post...

Contact me at Sillysods@hotmail.com

Will try to get back to you soon. Make sure the subject says the MB sign on name or at least refers to it so it doesn't just get deleted.

Timneslave :-)