Just wanted to thank you all for your help. I have taken the last few weeks to consider some of your questions in regards to my situation. Your questions were very candid and helpful.<P>I have decided to reconcile my marriage with my wife. The OW had not decided what she is going to do with the OC. She may put it up for adoption, or she may keep it and request child support. I will let the Lord take care of that. Whatever happens, I know that I have made the right decision.<P>I will be clearing my life of all vestiges of the OW; pictures, letters, e-mail, voice-mail message, everything. I am going to request that she only contact me through my wife.<P>I have been doing a lot of reading the last couple of weeks. I think the books that I read and the order that I read them really helped me. The first book was "Torn Asunder". This book really helped me understand how the affair happened. Then I read "His needs, Her needs". This book helped me to understand why the affair happened (what was missing). The last book that I read was a book by Kay Arthur "A Marriage without regrets". This book showed me why what I have done is wrong and helped me make a decision that will glorify God. It showed me God's plan for a husband and wife.<P>God's word is perfect. And he does allow for divorce "only" in the case of adultery. So I could have gotten divorced and sill been in Gods will. But the question is, on the day of judgement when I am standing before the Lord, will I hear him say 'well done good and faithful servant' for divorcing the gift he gave me, or for honoring the convenant I made with my wife before him to love, honor and cherish her for the rest of our lives? I think the answer is obvious.<P>I thank you all for your prayers. I know that everything works for good for those who love Him. I pray that you will have peace in your lives, a peace that transcends all understanding that only comes from knowing the Lord. Only he can give you true happiness, not a husband or wife, or a child.<P>Good bye.

You have made the right choice here, I know it wasn't easy. Please let your w know about this place, the women here can help and support her through through this time.<P>I'm sorry, but it is the betrayed spouse's decion to divorce if they want to divorce for adultery, not the betrayers. Unless your w cheated too. And even then it clearly states that we are only given this option if or because our hearts are hardened.<P>Once you forgive asnd pledge to stay you lose that option, unless the betrayer does it again. I hope this will not be the case with you, you seem to be willing to try to make your marriage work.<P>I wish you the best.<P><P>------------------<BR>Deb<P>Hepatitis C, Please educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In" TARGET=_blank>http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In</A> memory of a very dear friend <A HREF="http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp" TARGET=_blank>http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp</A>

Congrats on the decision to work on your marriage, but I do agree with Deb..It is not in God's will for the betrayer to get to make the decision on divorce..He forgives the one who has been betrayed and allows for divorce in that case. As long as you are right with God and have prayed for forgiveness, you can stand before him on judgement day and be confident that you have done the right thing..for yourself and your family...God bless your wife for giving you a second chance..I hope you realize now what you have in her because if she is willing to forgive something so horrid and painful as your betrayal...ou should thank God every day for your w, she is much more couragous and forgiving than I...Good luck in your endeavors and just keep God at the top of your priorities, and things will be alright, I am not saying that it wont be a difficult road ahead..but God will help the two of you through the storm..BEST OF LUCK.,I hope I didnt sound too bitter or harsh!! Take care and I will keep you in my prayers.<P>aloneandsad

Wow,PT,<BR>Congradulations! May God bless your new life. Another recommendation for you and your wife would be to renew your vows. My H and I did this, to mark our new beginning.<P>Best wishes,<BR>J

PrimeTarget,<P>Your message touched my heart and gave me hope for us all. I can only imagine how painful this decision must have been for you and I will remember you in my prayers that you receive the strength to continue on the road that you have chosen.<P>I would like to emphasize what Bozos_Deb said - let your wife know about this site in case she needs the support. You have both been through so much. You truly have a treasure in your W for being willing to work towards resolving this situation and continuing your marriage.<P>I hope that you will look into counselling for the other issues that you spoke about and to regain an acceptable level of intimacy in your marriage. You have made a truly wonderful decision. No matter what happens, I am sure that God will bless you and guide you. <P>Since I have been in your W's shoes, I would like to beg you to please be patient with her as you both recover from this situation. Her pain must be unbearable yet her love for you must be so much greater.<P>Please post whenever you feel the need because you will also need much support over the weeks to come. <P>God bless you.<BR>- Heavenly

I haven't posted to you on anything yet, due to some personal issues I had with your situation.<P>My brother had an affair and fathered a child outside of his marriage. Later, his wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. They stayed together, although many times I wished she had of had the strength to leave him. His behavior was not nice for many years.<P>My SIL suffered for six years with cancer. In 1999 she pasted away. My brother stayed with her and the last six months of her life he was dedicated to her. She had peace at the end. He is still struggleing with the acts he did during their marriage, but hopefully will be able to forgive himself one day.<P>Anyway, the gift he gave her by staying and finally being supportive was more than anyone else could have ever given that woman. She had no other family, and I don't think she would have lived as long without her love for him. Sometimes the greatest gift we will ever give ourselves in life is giving to others in times of trial. It isn't easy, but maybe that is part of the true meaning of life.<P>Live with yourself in peace with your actions. If this OW and child are meant to be in your life, one day they will be. I know I could never live with a man who abandoned a sick wife in her time of need. Perhaps your friend feels the same and will respect you for your actions.<P>Take care... Carolyn

Thank you Carolyn. Actually, my wife is in remission. It will be 5 years in January, since her surgery.<P>Thank you for responding. At this point my only focus is on my wife and putting our marriage back on track. I am not giving any thoughts to the possibility of the OW and I ever getting back together. That would put a safe harbor in my heart for her and would detract from my relationship with my wife. It is too difficult for me to have even the slightest hope in my heart of ever being with the OW again. It will be hard enough to even have her in our lives with child support and custody.<P>If it is God's will for us to be together, then it will have to be his doing, and his only.<P>Take care.

Great news Prime Target, great news.<P>I'm so excited for you both!<P>Glad to hear of your wifes remission. I lost a friend in late Oct. to breast cancer. It's a horrible disease.<P>May you two have an exciting and renewed holiday season......<P> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....