Well I have been having good communication and sucess with my partner. He changed cell phone number to make me feel less worried. He gets upset when I continue talking about the OW's (chicken heads) he had flings with, because they were merely as he said pit stops when he needed attention. He said to confide in him and move on to make our relationship better. <P>I completely understand, he doesn't want to continue on the past because nothing really can be done about what's been done. He wants us to concentrate on the present and future. He was even talking last night about definitely purchasing a home next year etc..<P>Then why do I Understanding this continue to wallow in the thought of these chicken heads? I still hurt. He has tried to ease my pains with doing what I say to make me feel better, but I am still tripping. Will this every end? I want to move on. I guess when I think about the chicken heads, I should think he is here with me, living with me, helping me to cope by any means, and doing things that help me cope. <P>I still get this sick feeling in my gut and just hurt. Help me stop? What can I do to stop these sick feeling?

I feel your pain also, it is hard to forget betrayal. He also told me that the ow meant nothing and I found out several month's later about his new baby. Take time out and do a lot of thinking about you. I signed my name on the new house (1) day before ow had baby!

Vazquezek,<P>You will hurt for a while. Recovering from a loved one's infidelity is a process - like grieving the loss of a loved one.<P>You ARE grieving. You are grieving the loss of a type of innocence about love where you believed that the intimacy you shared with your H was for the two of you alone; you are grieving the loss of the perfect H that you believed you had who has turned out to be a human being who makes some bad decisions; you are grieving the loss of trust that will be so hard to regain.<P>There are so many things that you will need to readjust -- feelings, perceptions -- some which you have had for a very long time or that you were taught from childhood.<P>And you are angry because you believed that your relationship was fine just the way it was -- you never asked for this "awakening" or this opportunity to take your marriage into new directions. All of these things were pushed on you by your H and a woman you don't even know. They have had more control of the situation than you have had.<P>Allow yourself to grieve and to feel the sadness and anger so that the it will wash out of you. Don't let the anger and sadness get sealed up inside.<P>You are already taking the very first steps towards forever but they are baby steps and it will take time -- usually months -- before you start to feel like your old self.<P>A number of the members advise reading excellent books about surviving an affair and recovering your relationship. I hope that they will jump in and give you some titles that will help you out. I can research past posts tomorrow and see if I can find some of them for you.<P>I found it very helpful to lose myself in these self-help books. It gave me a great deal of hope and self-assurance to learn techniques for dealing with this situation.<P>So, don't be hard on yourself. All of this is new to you. We veterans still ride our rollercoaster of emotions from time to time!<P>One day at a time, that's how you take it. And, in your case, be thankful that your H has fully re-committed himself to you and wants to make an "honest woman of you" !<P>You might want to start focusing on your wedding -- that is certainly a way to get you back on track.<P>- Heavenly