My husband of 20 yrs. has had an emotional affair. This has been very distressing for me because I have trusted him more than anyone in my life and for almost half my life. We are working it out and all seems to be going well. I do however have a problem I need some advice with. Many yrs ago I did the same thing he just never found out. It is eating me up inside and I want to do the right thing and the biblical thing. Do I tell him and beg his forgiveness? I believe I can't let go because of the guilt I feel over this. He is a wonderful man that made a mistake, he accepts that resposibility and is doing all he can to win my trust. I love him with all of my heart and believe he is worthy of my forgiveness. What do you think?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by donna35126:
<strong>My husband of 20 yrs. has had an emotional affair. This has been very distressing for me because I have trusted him more than anyone in my life and for almost half my life. We are working it out and all seems to be going well. I do however have a problem I need some advice with. Many yrs ago I did the same thing he just never found out. It is eating me up inside and I want to do the right thing and the biblical thing. Do I tell him and beg his forgiveness? I believe I can't let go because of the guilt I feel over this. He is a wonderful man that made a mistake, he accepts that resposibility and is doing all he can to win my trust. I love him with all of my heart and believe he is worthy of my forgiveness. What do you think?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

dear donna ,
i have been with my husband for 18 years,if you tell him you will only make things worse.Ask for forgiveness and god will forgive.you will hurt your husband if you tell him now ,let it go you know that it was wrong ,all you will be doing is getting rid of your guilt. i hope you sort things out .good luck
lisa

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lisaba:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by donna35126:
<strong>My husband of 20 yrs. has had an emotional affair. This has been very distressing for me because I have trusted him more than anyone in my life and for almost half my life. We are working it out and all seems to be going well. I do however have a problem I need some advice with. Many yrs ago I did the same thing he just never found out. It is eating me up inside and I want to do the right thing and the biblical thing. Do I tell him and beg his forgiveness? I believe I can't let go because of the guilt I feel over this. He is a wonderful man that made a mistake, he accepts that resposibility and is doing all he can to win my trust. I love him with all of my heart and believe he is worthy of my forgiveness. What do you think?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"></strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Hi Donna,
I wish I could be more wise in the advice I give. I think it boils down to the fact you know that you should tell him but the fear of the consequences weighs you down. (Perhaps also there is the natural human response that while he is the offender you have a bit of leverage over him, or a sense of being on the moral high road. -- I know I have felt that way about other things.) Let me offer this hint, fear is a tool of the devil. If you can't conquer your fear through sense of duty, then you'll have to conquer your fear through faith. The faith that once you and your husband are following the principle of complete honesty you will reap the rewards of a beautiful relationship. As long as you keep this secret, your relationship will be built on a sandy foundation and not on rock. Also, it is better to have it out now, then at the final judgement day. Best of luck and my prayers go with you!

Yes, you do need to tell him. If you ever want to have honesty and openness in your marriage (the #1 deterent to these things, btw), then that means you too. We were doing MB, and it turned out that there was not true honesty. That 'recovery' blew up in our face and we are now working on another one.

Bottom line is that you need to be honest. If you make excuses for not telling him, you have no one to blame but yourself when it blows up in your face, and it will. I've seen it out here dozens of times.