Does anyone ever wonder what the OW tells people when they ask who the OC's father is? Do you wonder what the OW tells the OC's teachers, Doctors, etc. about the childs father? Do you wonder if when the OW fills out forms for the Doctor or enrolls OC in school, does she put our h's name in the blank for father's name? Do you wonder what the OW tells the OC about us or our children?<BR>Do you wonder what OW tells OC about their father? I know I'm sounding a little crazy, but my mind is really playing tricks on me.I think I'm losing it. Is anyone on medication for depression? I've tried Celexa but it made me too tired, but at this point I feel I might need to try something else!!!<P>Thanks for listening!!<BR>Eraser<p>[This message has been edited by Eraser12 (edited December 07, 2000).]

No,I don't think about that. But I'm on tranxene. I only break a small piece off when I need it to stay calm. I take 1/2 at night to sleep 5 or 6 hrs.<P>Exercise helps!!!!!<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

I do wonder about this. <P>First this is a problem and their choose of problems the OW makes when she has a OC with a taken man.<P>In my situation the OW will not test and since my mate did not see OW frequently and he knows of other people she was seeing as far as we are concern no test it not his OC.<P>He said when out of curiosity when he went there, he went to pick up the OC to see if it look like him the OW ran from behind him a took a picture. Now what is she doing with that picture I don't know. It's ashamed that these OW put an innocent OC through this, especially when the WS is not interested in having OC with OW.<P>Well like I said it was the OW own selfish choice, it there problem. Like I said if down the road the OC on its own comes to find us, the OC would have to take a test before any talking about are you my father?<P>If so the OC will be told the truth, even though it hurts. The OC was not wanted, it was a selfish choice of the OW so let her deal with the situation. Like the OW was told there will be no father just on her word it his, and if the test is positive there will be a check in the mail. We do not want anything to do with the OC. He even told her to get someone else to father the OC, find a husband. It's not going to be him, being a father.<P>I believe most of these OW use the OC as a trap to engaged themselves in our men lives, but it doesn't and rarely works. So sad.<P>I wouldn't worry or wonder about it too, much its what the OW says and she will have to go through the OC questions of why?

I think about it almost to obsession. We recieved a claims statement from insurance company showing that OW had listed OC's last name as the same as ours. It is not.<BR>We immediatly contacted our attorney who sent her a letter warning that it was fraudelent and she would be prosecuted if she did it again. Since then, every statement we recieve has correct last name.<P>JCM

In the state where My H's OC lives, if the father's name is on the birth certificate, the child is given the father's last name. So his OC has our last name, which is different than her mom's. I don't care what she says. She made her choices; I offered to adopt the child and raise her with our family. The OW couldn't give up her child to maybe a better life. I know we could have and would have provided better than her mother. She would have had two parents, but.......and so it goes. One day maybe we will meet, but not for a long time. The child is 7 now. Good luck, TG

I know the OW in my H's life is not telling OC anything yet, because OC is only 6 months old (Saturday-and that is also the date I will be separated for 6 months) I am curious what she tells her 6 year old about me..my H, and my children...I think about it night and day and wonder if that child's father is even aware that his child's mother (if you want to call her that) is living with a married man...I wonder what they (OW and H) will tell this child about me? My d and s..and why she doesnt get to see them much...or why my H has been disowned by his entire family and OC will NEVER know his aunts and uncles...We are having a contest in the family now...You see...H mother buys an ornament to put on the christmas tree for each grandchild..we are trying to see who will be the lucky one to be able to steal it off of the tree...All 7 of my H brothers and sisters are participating..I have the easiest access, since I am over there every day, but I would be the first suspect..so it's not going to be me..Anyway...about the medication...I am on several..Prescribed is doxepin.I take a half a pill 3 x's a day...I am also taking One a DAy for Tension and Mood control...That may be an option...it's not too strong, but it does help..I take that when I am too tired to take the "good stuff", otherwise I would pass out on my desk asleep... I try not to take the prescription stuff unless it is an absolute necessity and I CANNOT make it through the day without it!!<P>Aloneandsad (Missy)

i totally wonder those things at times. i also wonder how her family reacts. how can they just accept it like she did nothing wrong. they knew me and had met me too. i kind of think that her older brother who was actually a friend of my husbands probably thought the blame was mostly on her. he never tried to tell my H anything or even contacted him. her brother was nice to me always when i had met him.<P>i wonder what it will be like when the child support is ordered, when all my H's future employers will know, when we have to put her on our insurance. we plan on just getting her a separate policy if they order it, to keep it away from our family.<P>i wonder how she can act as if she has done nothing wrong. how she can expect my H to want to have anything to do with her. how she could say she still loved him, when she knows he never loved her. he never lied to her and she knew it was just sex.<P>i think sometimes i wonder too many things. somedays are worse than others. somedays i even go all day without thinking of the whole thing. maybe when we can get the court stuff out of the way, and it is just part of life, i will be able to stop wondering so much.<P>i wonder why she is constantly in my thoughts, but i never cross her mind. i wonder why i worry about her child being fatherless when she never worried about the children we will have. when she never worried about MY feelings. about MY marriage. i wonder why i care sometimes...<P>sorry i rambled. your posts got me thinking and i couldn't stop typing.<P>i hope one day that all our wonders will be distant memories. that we will no longer be consumed with thoughts of the OW and the OC.<BR>i pray that for us all.<P>happy_girl

I'm sure OW acts the victim and friends and family are sympathetic. She probably mewls about how he "done her wrong" and what a roaring bi*** I am. So what? Who cares?<BR>She is there and we is here!<P>When OC is old enough to ask, "Where's Daddy?" What will OW say? <BR>"I met a man who was married and I didn't care a lick he had a wife and family, never gave it a thought who would be hurt, and did not care... so I selfishly engaged in and affair that lasted three weekends and voila' here you are! I was too selfish to give you to a two parent home where you would have stability and advantages because I needed you to garner income shares for me and to make the MM and his BS suffer for not leaving her and coming to me. And I obviously don't care if you live with this stigma or are embarrassed I behaved like a whore because as long as I get what I want when I want it, that's all that matters. The fact is, I really have no morals, but, hey, it's the new millenium and decency and dignity are oh so provincial."<P>Does it really matter what is "said" or "thought" or what and who think or feel about any of this? What the OP has done to our families and the OC is so despicable and so disgraceful, they are diminished in the eyes of all who know them. When the OC is an adult and look back at the circumstances of their birth, it will be a heartbreaking embarrassment that their parent behaved like and alley cat. A true humiliation. <P>This is something I consider a 'non-issue' because we had absolutely nothing to do with any of this and the sin is not ours. There are far more compelling issues to deal with including a new life and a new marraige to nourish that has nothing to do with the OW/OC and their friends and family and what they may think or feel. Who cares what they say? The OP is the one who has behaved in a selfish and dispicable manner destroying the foundation of your home and annihilated your heart forever. It has changed YOUR life.<P>When you look at the Prez, do you feel proud or is he a jerk you have no respect for? This is more like the way the OP's friends and family really look at them. Unfortunately, people look at our WS in much the same way if they know what has happened. The respect is gone or diminished and no one sees them quite the same again. A huge price to pay for...what? A roll in the hay with some skank. Not to mention how utterly stupid they look for not putting a sock on it and preventing a pregnancy for God's sake.<P>So, it's a horse a piece. I may "wonder" about what the OW says to people or OC, but they are not my people and I don't know them and the wondering is only fleeting. Even if I did know them, I would just try to maintain my dignity and not buy into the OW's justifications because they would be hollow and everyone would know this anyway.<P>If you were a teacher or a doctor, what would YOU think of someone who came into your office and told you their child was a [censored] and the bio dad was married? Probably not much. You would probably look at the woman as if she were "less" or lower in stature than that of the other women in the waiting room who were in blessed marriages living a moral life of dignity and integrity.<P>Catnip =^^=

Bravo Catnip! I am right there with you. Nope, I don't give her 2 seconds a day in my thoughts. I am sorry, maybe I am cold, heartless, etc. But I try to only allow my energy to go in a direction that is positive for me or my children. I only think about OW and OC when to do so benefits me and/or my children. Example, if my H and I stay together I will have to think about OC and her possible interface with my family. Other than that, nope... don't think about her.<P>Whatever the OW is saying, doing, telling is most likely warped, since every action she has taken so far (affair with boss, pregnancy, etc.) has been warped. Who would give 2 cents for info on what she says or does? She can claim virgin birth or spacemen as father for all I care. <P>Medication: none until about 2 months ago. I didn't really feel stressed, but I realized slowly that I was not functioning well. Had memory issues, chest tightness, etc. Remember, outside of dealing with my H at this time I am raising my neice and dealing with my brother (her father) who is out of a job, doing drugs, drinking, DUI's, facing jail time. If there is ever a person ready for medication, it was me. I broke down on the phone one day to a co-worker and at that point realized I was stressed! So Dr. put me on 50 MG of Zoloft at night. I have not had side effects and feel like I can breath again. So much for better living through chemicals! <P>Take care... Carolyn

Thanks again gals!<BR>You have all gotten me through another day knowing that I'm really not going crazy. I know I am obsessing over something I have no control over. I read something on another forum - <A HREF="http://www.affairs-help.com" TARGET=_blank>www.affairs-help.com</A> - about forgiveness. It was posted by Karen Dewitt. It's under the heading of Closure and Forgiveness. It is very inspiring. Please look it up if you haven't read it already. It's really great having you all to vent to. I wish we could all get together and have lunch! Wouldn't that be a vent-fest.<P>Have a good day!!!<BR>Eraser

Although I like catnip's reply best, this is something I've wondered too. <P>I think in this age of single mothers it must be pretty easy to just act like the OC's father is divorced (from the mom) or was never married, and unless they live in a small town, the married man aspect may not even come up! I would hope they(XOW) might downplay the mm part for the OC's sake(!), in terms of how the kid is treated by others, but if XOW do not, that's not my business! (Go ahead, OW, show your true colors!~)<P>Good luck Eraser. (No meds here so no help there)<BR>J

You are not alone. I wonder about it all the time. In my case the OW tells the truth. We live in a small town and everyone knows becase OW tells them. Go Figure! I have tried anti-depressants, but tooo dangerous for me because I started thinking bad thoughts and did not want to be declared crazy if I hurt someone! Wanted to stay sane