hi all. just posting an update on us! to refresh your memory we are almost 4 years into recovery from he told me about the affair. and a little over 3 from when we knew for sure she supposedly had his baby. only about 6 months into the whirlwind of her taking us to court for child support.<P>our marriage is great. we are truly better than we have ever been. we have both grown so much. we have learned how to communicate and deal with eachothers emotional styles. we are committed to our marriage. my husband is still totally aware of what he could have destroyed. he is my best friend, i talk to him about everything. he never gets mad when we talk about the whole OW/OC thing. i couldn't ask for a better husband.<P>tonite at dinner, i asked him what he would do if we never have children. i wanted to know if he would then want to know his only biological child. he said no. he asked me when would i understand that he feels no connection to her. that she was not conceived out of love, or anything for that matter. just a stupid moment of sex. he said that he thinks i probably worry that he won't love our children. that he might be the same way with them. i told him no, i didn't think that. he said that if he had complete say, he would never meet her. he has no desire to. i guess i felt better.<P>i am so thankful to have him as my husband. and i know he feels the same. he is so understanding. i hope one day i no longer ask him stuff about that. i know it hurts him, like a little stab, a reminder of what he almost lost. of how he hurt me. i know because he tells me. and i see it in his eyes.<P>i am glad i have you guys though. or i would have to talk to him about it everyday. and that might just drive him crazy. i hope that someday all of us here are happy. i know i am now, but it has been hard. thanks to all for all their advice and love. i know i don't post as much, but i always visit the forum. i cry with you and laugh with you, and pray for you all too.<P>just wanted to share how we are doing. hope it gives some at the beginning some hope that things can get better. and can sometimes get EVEN BETTER than they were before.<P>take care all.<P>happy_girl<P>

HG:<P>What are you doing up so late? I'm turning in soon but wanted to tell you how wonderful it is to hear some good news on how well you and your husband are doing.<P>My husband feels the same way yours feels about the OC. He feels no connection either. In his case, he never saw OW pregnant nor has he ever seen the child and he says it just isn't 'real' to him. It's been two years since he had contact with OW and he is grateful she and OC are nearly two thousand miles away.<P>Like you, I am grateful to this site. Coming here to vent and express myself when my anger, sadness and despair rears its ugly head, it is an avenue for me get it out and leave it here and spare my husband and our marriage the constant barrage of negativity that comes with the territory. I don't like to beat my husband about this and I think I would be inclined to do so if I didn't have this place to come to.<P>HG, stay close to your husband. Keep talking to each other and never, ever get complacent and you will continue to grow closer and closer as time goes by. He sees what a gift he has been given and is so appreciative, obviously, that in a strange way there has been a blessing tied to this tragedy.<P>Catnip =^^=

catnip, wow! you are up late too. i am a night owl, i never go to bed before midnight unless i am sick!! and of course hubby is an early bird. boy do opposites attract!!<P>you are so right that we have much to be thankful for. we all have our problems and the OW/OC is ours. i always enjoy your posts. you are wise and always call things as you see it. i love that about you. you give real advice and i know you always put your heart into it. thanks, and may god always bless you and your family.<P>love, <P>happy_girl

Happygirl,<BR>I'm so happy for you!! It's good to hear the positives and give hope to those still suffering.<P>Congradulations!

jenny,<P>thanks for the congrats! you guys are doing pretty good too! the pain eases in time i think. will always be there, but slowly we can drown most of it out with new and better times!<P>happy_girl

Happy_girl;<P>I wasnt going to post this morning, because I am supposed to be getting ready for work, but I decided to Thank you for starting my morning off with a few tears!! (Good tears!) I am happy for you and so glad for your marriage. Thank you for your words of encouragement...although I cannot see anything positive coming out of my situation anytime in the near future, I am stil glad for those of you who are in "recovery"....Maybe I will be so lucky. I will continue to keep you in my prayers, that everything will continue to get better and better and your curiosity over OW/OC will deminish. Congradulations!! Keep praying for the rest of us for whom it is not working out as well...that there will be some sort of closure and peace...Take care and God bless you and your family! I couldnt be happier for you unless it was me <BR>aloneandsad (missy)<P>------------------<BR>

happy-girl, Iam happy for you and your family the more of us that can say we made it and one more family is saved is one step closer in straighting out this messed up world we are living in. Your words help to see that someday that I my be free of this bitterness that haunts my heart.With love flowerseed

aloneandsad, sorry i made you cry. i find that happens to me often here when reading all the stories. i am thankful we are in recovery. i will keep you in my prayers, i know you are going thru a tough time.<P>flowerseed, i hope one day you will be rid of the bitterness too. it eats away at you and is not good for your well being. it is like the OW's win when we continue to be bitter. they still have that little bit of control over our day to day lives. that is why i try to stay happy. so she can't win. <P>take care the both of you. with all of our horror stories and sad days, mine included, it is nice when we can hear good stories.<P>have a good day!<P>happy_girl

happy-girl, Thanks I am doing better now just having a bad moment this morning. I think last year I was in to much shock to get angry. This year I seem to have alot of anger at times. I wish I could just forget alot times the littlest things can bring it all back. Thanks for your thoughts with love flowerseed<P>------------------<BR>Carol Ann

flowerseed, i get angry sometimes too. and sad. and wish it never happened to me and i ask oh why me??? why us?? but i try hard to be thankful for what we do have. and that helps. or i just think about all the worse things that could be happening to us, illness, deaths in family, etc. it helps put things in perspective a bit. i guess it is my nature usually to try to be balanced and see both sides. but somedays the down stuff wins. more the happy days though now. and i know that one day this will be but a very distant memory. a lesson learned for both of us. take care. and it is OKAY to be angry. come here, we will listen.<P>happy_girl

Happy Girl,<BR> I am glad to hear that things have been going well for you. May you and your husband be successful at rebuilding your marriage. I am glad my friend, that you are one of the lucky ones.