Riding in the car yesterday & the Dr. L show was on radio. I was about to swap channels when I heard her speak to a man who had an affair with a married woman. The woman had gotten pregnant and stayed with her H. This man wanted to know if he should demand DNA testing and force himself into childs life. This really perked my ears up & I listened to hear her response. She told him he should leave these folks alone. That by staying in the childs life all he would be was "the person mommy slept with years ago while my mommy and daddy were married". Isn't that the truth! I often have issues with this show, but really was pleased with this response. <P>So guys... remember, you are the DAD. The OM is just the person mommy slept with once. I beleive even Tigger would agree to that. <P>Take care... Carolyn

Hey, that's been my theory all along...

Most definately I agree with that!!! I would still feel this way, even if the OM hadn't been such a jerk, and so violent towards my H. I go back and forth about the Dr. L show. I watched it a couple times, and got bored, and I've never heard her radio show. I believe that the TV show was cancelled. I hope that I don't sound selfish in saying that I never want anything else to do with OM. And, I don't know if I have ever mentioned that in a way I could be considered the OW, since he was also married, but I know for sure that he persued me, so, I don't have any mean feelings about his W. In fact, I feel very badly about what I have done, but have the assurance that she had already had plans to divorce him...not saying that excuses me for what I did. If he ever does find out, within the "grace period" and tries to get custody or something like that, I just want to know for sure that if they did divorce, that it wouldn't take any money from their daughter. Also, if I know him, if I made visitation stipulations that the only way he could see this child would be if the CS payments were current and on time, he would give up. He is all about money and wouldn't want to loose any more. I just want to think of him as the "sperm donor" who gave us another member to our family. We will tell our child that her daddy CHOSE to be her daddy, and also tell her the truth about her bio-father. We won't embelish it with scary stories about him, just that he threatened my H, and was harrassing and stalking us. We will also tell her that if she wants to know anything about him or meet him, she will have to do it on her own after she turns 18, for obvious reasons. If he could be so violent when he knew, without a doubt, that I had chosen to stay with my H, then what would he do if she went to find him 10-15 years from now?<P><BR>But, like always, I have rambled. Just to reiterate, yes, I do agree that having the OM involved in our child's life would not be a good idea for the reason that you stated. Once the child is old enough to be on their own, then is the time that they can become involved in their bio-father's lives. I guess, for once, a radio talk show host has done some good. For the same reasons, I don't think that the OW should be suing for CS on these other cases. They knew what they were doing, and probably, in most cases, were trying to get pregnant to possibly trap him. They deserve to have the "burden" of going through their pregnancies, and child raising on their own. They should have thought of the consiquences before they chose to have the un-protected sex. I guess that is why I don't post that often about my feelings, because I knew better, and now I have to deal with what I have done. I don't hold anyone to blame for my pregnancy but myself. I wouldn't be in this situation if I hadn't given in. The last thing I need is the OM coming into our lives again. I feel that us WS, be it the H who has an OC or the W, should hold ourselves accountable for what we have done, and deal with our consiquences. If it is having to pay CS, then give up something that you always spent on yourself, not take from your family, and if it is having to "let go" of the OM to save your marriage, then by GOD do it!!! Who could love you more that a husband that is willing to raise another man's child as if it were his own? Some of these WS/Ws need to open their eyes and realize what a true gift they have been given, and what kind of pain they have been inflicting to the one who loves them the most in this situation!!! I know what a gift I have, especially when he does things like the other night, came and gave me a kiss and told me that he loved me. Then, he bent over and kissed my belly, and told Abbi that he loves her too. Made me cry. I know that I wouldn't feel the same if OM had been the one to do that. His feelings are selfish ones, not selfless. <P>Sorry, I rambled again I will go now that I have said my piece.<P><BR>Tigger<P>

Tigger,<BR>I hope the best for you and your family. I can't even believe I'm saying this to an OW, but you have realized your mistake and are willing to accept the consequences which only a mature, selfless person could do. I am so glad your H supports and loves you so much and I'm glad you realized what you had before it was too late. Your baby is very lucky to have a man that special in her life. Who cares how she got here, she will be brought up by two loving parents!<P>Bless you & your family<BR>Eraser

Carolyn,<P> Thank you for thinking about us guys, you are so thoughtful. <BR> There are times when I think this board is the only place I,m appreciated. Thank you so much!<P> Tigger,<P> I pray that my wife will someday feel about OM the way you do. Your husband is very lucky!<P><BR> God bless you, <BR> <P>------------------<BR><P>Gregg