Do you ever wonder why we go through so much pain and cruel behavior just so we can have our spouse back? The last episode with OM being with my W at the doctor really knocked the wind out of my sail. It may take me a few days to get over it, or I might not, but I just don't have the desire to keep on trying like I did before. Last night my W was being brutally honest and said that she didn't regret the affair and that it wasn't hard to do it. She said that in her sordid thinking, she might have gotten pregnant on purpose so that she could end our marriage. Another head shot to me!! I asked her that if she was so set on divorce, why she didn't go ahead and file. She said that it was just such a big decision and she didn't want to rush it. Flicker of hope? Anyway, if you've been following my saga, you know that she had said she wanted to come home, but now she told me she was scared of being too far from the hospital and her doctor (1 hr. away), and also she didn't want to come back just for the kids. I told her that I still loved her and wanted to work on things. I told her I was talking to Jenn tonight and asked if she would be willing to talk with her in a week or two. She said that she would. We talked a lot about OM and she may not be in love with him, but she does care for him alot. Encouragement needed please. Would anyone blame me for throwing in the towel? I don't want my grief and sorrow to somehow affect the two precious children I have in my home.<BR>Floored

Would I blame you if you threw in the towel ? No, but (don't you just hate buts ?) from reading your post I don't think you have reached the point where you are ready for that right now. <P>Keep trying plan A ( I hate saying that, because I remember how I hated hearing it when I first came here, and my h's affair was already over for a couple of months at that time ) until you feel the love you have for her dying, then discuss with Jennifer or Steve or whoever you are being counseled by, going into plan b. <P>But do try to keep things as level for your children . <P>------------------<BR>Deb<P>Hepatitis C, Please educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In" TARGET=_blank>http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In</A> memory of a very dear friend <A HREF="http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp" TARGET=_blank>http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp</A>

Floored,<BR> I think it's a GOOD sign she will go to counselor. Don't give up hope! Pregnant women deal with too many hormones to know whats up. <BR> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Floored, <P>If she's having to think about divorce because it's a big decision and she is willing to see a counselor..youre on the right track..Maybe a little glimmer of hope...Keep with Plan A...At least your wife is willing to see a counselor..My H doesnt want any part of it..I had to have the court order him to participate in our 6 yr old d counseling...Good luck and I will keep you in my prayers!<P>aloneandsad

Floored.<BR>do not feel down for thinking the way you do right now. I was there, as you are now, I endured 6 months of my W ripping my heart out and putting it back in, only to rip it out again. What your are enduring is what I felt was the hardest thing I have had to do in my life. I lost 28 lbs in the first 6 weeks. Only you can decide what is best for you and your children. Whatever your choice is, be sure of it. Once I made my decision to keep my family together, and regain my W love, things gradually became easier to deal with. Each person has a limit, I know what mine was/is, and that was if there ANY involvement by the OM in my life or the Babies....PERIOD.. we are through. it is hard to explain, but I could go into long detail as to why I feel this way. I made that absolutely clear to my wife. She is aware that if at any time she breaks the POJA regarding the OM, even 2,5,10 years down the line, My love bank would be cashed out and closed. It seems as if you are going back and forth on what you want to do. That is totally normal, believe me, At times I thought I was going crazy. Take it from a Guy who is raising 2yo twins from my wifes affair. I KNOW how you feel man. If there is any example I can give you from my personal experiences, just ask I am willing to share. <BR>HumbleOne