Well here I go again obsessing about the OC. I don't know why, because I doubt seriously the OW cares what will happen to my children. <BR>The OC in my situation is 9 years old, we have never had any contact whatsoever with this child. Hell, we didn't even know she existed. At this point, I think introducing this child to our family would be very disturbing to her. Her psycho mother claims she wants nothing from us except for my H to meet with the child one time just to let her see who he is. This child is 9, do you really think that he could meet this child, say "Hi, I'm your father but you will never see me again". My God, what would that do to that little girl? I could understand if maybe she was 20 and was just curious, but a 9 year old child does not know what bio-dad means. That child wants a "daddy".<P>Well does anyone here have any professional advice(like maybe from a child psychologist) or know of any books with info on this subject? I have no idea what this OW is filling this childs head with, but I think meeting us would be devasting to this child unless we wanted to continue a relationship with her - which at this point I think would be just as disturbing. I'm sure that she would resent my children and I'm sure my children would resent her, too. I would never talk bad about this child to my children, but I know anything that disrupts a childs life will be resented. And believe me, introducing a 9 year old child from another woman as their sister will disrupt their lives. <P>Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. <P>Thank you all for being here, I read all your posts but I'm not very good at giving advice. But you are all in my prayers.<P>Hope everyone's having a good day!!!!<P>Eraser

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>but I know anything that disrupts a childs life will be resented. And believe me, introducing a 9 year old child from another woman as their sister will disrupt their lives.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I totally agree, Eraser. I hope you get some answers. I'll be watching.<P>Does your H WANT to meet oc? Oh God help us all......<P> Debi <BR><P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Gemini,<P>No, my H wants no contact. And that bothers me somewhat, but I don't think I could handle it if he did.<P>Thanks!!!<BR>Eraser

Eraser12, Has paternity been proven yet, I think I would get a restraining order. Sounds like you got grounds for a harressment suit. I dont think at nine that it is the child that wants to see father. I think its the fruit loop mother. It really makes me wonder what nut house is turning these things loose. If you havent got test done I would not even consider it. Let us know with love flowerseed<P>------------------<BR>Carol Ann

Paternity has not been established. We were served papers and we requested testing, but have not received an order to take them yet. Actually, it seems like the OW fell off the face of the earth. My SIL is the one who told us she just wants H to meet child one time. We will NOT meet child unless paterity is established. I don't even know if OW is still pursuing the matter. Our attorney says the case has not been closed so we just have to wait and see what she will do.<P>Gotta run, <BR>Eraser

Eraser12, sounds like sister inlaw needs to mind her own business. We went through similar situation. OC was 41/2 years old my sister in law was babysitting for this child. There was a lot of people that felt pretty stupid when they found out dna proved no way that husband could be father.These worms dont think about there childs feelings or anyones for that matter just there own and I cant understand what they can possibley be thinking. with love flowerseed<P>------------------<BR>Carol Ann

Flowerseed,<BR>Get this, my SIL knew that this OW was claiming my H was the father and never bothered to tell us. And to top it off, she gave her a baby shower. Who can you trust these days?

Eraser12, pretty sad she better hope she wont ever need you guys sounds like she blew that. My situation was a diffrent as far as OC was from H cheating on first wife. I just happened to be in picture when she decided OW wanted money. It seems to me that the attorny said that if she didnt follow thru with blood test that she couldnt go after him again. They even though it odd that she waited so long. Good luck with love flowerseed<P>------------------<BR>Carol Ann

Eraser,<P>I think that you guys are doing the right thing about not agreeing to even "just meet the child" without proof that it is in fact your H's bio-child. I can just imagine that waiting to see if she will continue with this is driving you guys crazy, but maybe she realizes that if it's not you H's, then she doesn't have a leg to stand on. <P>As for your SIL, she should just butt out, and let OW deal with this on her own. This 9 yo little girl is not old enough to really decide on her own that she wants to "just meet" her bio-father. You are right, she just wants a "daddy". Don't feel bad that your H doesn't want to meet this child. Just support him in his decission so far. He wants to stay with you and your children, and not disturb their lives any more than it has already been done. When this child is 18 is soon enough for her to want to meet her bio-father.<P>Of course, I am no professional, just have experience with cousins who were adopted, and have given a child up for adoption when I was 18(almost 19).<P>Tigger<P>

Eraser,I like that restraining order thing mentioned above.Your sil needs to get a life and stop hurting you!<BR> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Not only did my SIL know so did my mother and father in law. They even sent gifts to the child the first few years signing "from MaMa and PaPa". It's crazy because my in-laws seemed to be the greatest. None of them have had any contact with OW/OC for about the last 4 years. Well thats what they tell me. We live in different cities so I guess that's how this all went on without us knowing anything. At first it made me question if my H knew about the child, but his family swears they never mentioned it to them. Did they really think they could get away with that? <P>Well now it's the holidays and everyone wants to get together and be one big happy family and pretend none of this is happening. I don't know if I can do that. I don't want to keep my children from my H's family, but it's going to be so hard for me to be around them knowing what they did to me. <P>Our attorney says she has 3 years from the time she filed to do something. So she's got our life on hold for the next couple years. UGH!!!! I've been so tempted to call her and tell her we want to just settle this once and for all - "put up or shut up". But attorney advised against it. I just want to deal with this and move on but it's kinda hard when you don't know when or if the OW's going to be knocking at your door.<P>Venting again!! Thanks for listening.<BR>Eraser<P>

Eraser12, Man what a dose of betrayal I can see where it would be very hard. Everyone in my husbands family knew about this 1st OC. I believe thats why his wife divorced him. The one he dealt me nobody knows about and they never will untill he shows up on our doorstep 17 years from now. The 1st one I didnt go with him for blood test. The one that involved me I did. I took great pleasure in making that slimy piece of you know what squrim. I sat right across from her and wondered how she could possibly live with herself. Did they ever set a date for test? with love flowerseed<P>------------------<BR>Carol Ann