I am 8 months pregnant and found out my H had an A about a month ago. I should have picked up on the clues and feel very nieve for being so stupid. The sex started getting bad or non-existant when I started showing. I guess I didn't pick up on how uncomfortable he was becoming. This was not suprising since we hadn't spend much time in the last year communicating.<P>He got an email from a classmate and the conversation immediately turned sexual. Within a few days they had scheduled the first PA meeting. They had sex one more time (three weeks later) at a hotel and both claim there were no other occasions. From then on it became an EA. <P>He says they have more in common and that he can talk to her. He says he cares about me and loves me, but is not IN love with me. I am not sure what that means. He is also questioning if he stays with me if he'll be happy. He said it is hard to work on our relationship when he has to get over their relationship. How long does that take? I found out this week that he downloaded sappy love songs from napster. They are definately not for 'us'. Is this part of his break-up period?<P>We have been trying to be affectionate and sexual, but it is a struggle. Should I just back off until the baby is born? We are in counceling and seem to be doing ok. We still stuggle finding things to talk about and could use some suggestions. Does it really take 2 years for this to get better?<BR>

Try posting this on the "General Questions" board.

Dear Connorsmum,<P>I am sorry that you are facing such issues of rejection, and do not blame yourself for being naive as we are inclined to. Almost all BS get caught off guard.<P>I think you need to understand and apply the concepts of Plan A and so on, as well as understand that a WS can be in a fog and in withdrawal when they have committed adultery. However, your H need to stop all contact with the OP and both of you should seek counselling to deal with the issues of adultery, trust, communications, sexual intimacy and frequency, acceptable boundaries of behaviour, pregnancy, parenthood, and any other issues within the marriage.<P>Please read through the sites and you can search for NSR's notable posts/threads under Just Found Out or General Questions.<P>You will find the most posters at GQII. I post here because my WS's A lasted 2 years and I was pregnant during that time. But I originated from GQII and also posts at POPW at the Women's Bible Study. Most of the ladies and gentlemen here are dealing with the issues of pregnancy of OP that could have resulted in an OC. Although some are pregnant while the WS had an A, majority of the present group of ladies and gentlemen are undergoing OC issues.<P>If you are looking to Plan A and save the marriage, you can post at GQ, although you will get a lot of inspiration from the posters here - they are really marvellous and strong and highly intelligent and wise.<P>God bless you<BR>take care<BR>from weep

cm,<BR>I'm so sorry for your pain. <P>Welcome to MarriageBuilders!<P>I ditto what the others said. Also, the "2 years" you hear so often, I think that means 2 years in RECOVERY to be feeling HEALED, not until it just starts feeling better!! Egads! (It's a similar kind of time-line as the death of a close family member, if you've experienced that.)<P>Jenny, 2+ years in recovery and feeling healed-woohoo! (but I'll never be the same person...)<p>[This message has been edited by Jenny (edited December 15, 2000).]