kt- i can't say much except i am sorry. you have tried so hard to work on your marriage. if your H can't see that, he is being a fool, forgive my frankness. you are a wonderful person and he is losing the best thing that probably ever happened to him. hug your kids, and you are in my prayers friend.<P>love, happy_girl

kt, you will be on my mind and in my prayers. I know someday you will have a better life,one you deserve.<BR> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Happy Girl,<BR> Thanks my friend. I know that he is making the biggest mistake of his life, but I have decided that it doesn't matter anymore, because if he changes his mind this time, I am leaving while I still have some dignity left. After I have gone through all this for him, and that I thought he was worth it and we were worth it, to find out that he felt I was not, is more than I can take, and be willing to forgive. Let him run away. I will not be back when he realizes what he did was wrong. I will be in a new life.<BR>

Debi,<BR> Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers. I know I will make it through this, and move on into a better life without him. I will be a lot more careful whom I pick to trust and love in the future. Thanks for being there for me.

ktgirl,No problem! I told my H tonight I give up. He said"whatever you want Deb" I said I felt this oc was going to come between us IF it's his and I don't want to wait until May or June for the other F****** shoe to drop.<BR>I will be alone for Christmas unless I fall prey to his romantic actions and am to weak to be alone. Then again he can be a cold heart if you know what I mean........<P>You feel like a friend I have known forever. All the people here do.<P>I want to be strong and quit f****** crying! I want to move on! I will not stay with a man who could only think of what this child may think of him in years to come if he doesn't have contact.<P>I hope it isn't his! He doesn't deserve anything or anyone!<P> OMG !I rambled on and there you are.....I cry and smile for you ktgirl.... I hope I can smile for myself someday....<P><BR> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

ktgirl and gemini1,<P>You are both on my mind and in my prayers. Know that I, like the rest of us, are 100% behind you since you have thought things through. <P>ktgirl I am glad to see that you have a positive attitude -- you WILL be in a better life this time next year. Believe me there are many souls out there that are suited for each of us.<P>My first husband died suddenly a short time after we married -- we had been high school sweethearts. I never thought I would be happy again or smile again. I cried for months. And then just as suddenly as the darkness had come over me, one day I found that I was starting to feel alive again. I was alive and I had to go on without him.<P>Once I stopped grieving so hard, there was such an amazing strength inside me. I started being happy and living again. Then, unexpectedly I met my H and, even with the problems that we have experienced, he became my best friend and my soul mate.<P>You will find love again. You will be happy again. Grieve for the marriage that you have lost but keep looking for the window that God will open once the door has closed. You are going to make it ktgirl.<BR>I know you will.<P>Keep talking to us when you need to. We'll help you get through this.<P>Good luck and God bless you.<BR>- Heavenly

Heavenly,<BR> Thanks for the kind words, and continued support of all of you. I am so glad that I have you all to lean on. And I will be alright. It will take time, but I will be fine.

Dear ktgirl,<P><BR> Maybe your husband will sense that you are at the end of your rope, and that it's time for him to sh*t or get off the pot. You sound like you've had it up to here, maybe he'll realise there are no more chances. <P> Reality time!<P> God bless you,<P>------------------<BR><P>Gregg

Gregg,<BR> I am beginning to see that every cloud does have it's silver lining. I am through with crying about the whole situation. I have better things to do with my time. He needs to grow up, and what better time to do it now that he doesn't have his "surrogate mom" around anymore? Oh, I am gonna be fine.

I am in the same boat as you are with the lies and the not wanting to talk and hitting my head against the brick wall. At this point I am soooo tired I don't know any other recourse either. I will be moving on the 29th of December and hopefully I will be strong enought to go out there and hold my head up regardless of whether I see her or not. Hopefully I won't. It is all so unfair. Just keep praying and God will give you the answer. Chelsea

Chelsea,<BR> Thanks for the advice. I will definitely keep it in mind as I go through all this stuff. Thanks

ktgirl, I am so sorry to that your H is such a fool . I think at this point you have everything to gain and nothing to lose. I think you got it together and you will do fine. I had to laugh about sick of being his mommy. Been there done that I wish you best as you move ahead in your new life. With love flowerseed<P>------------------<BR>Carol Ann

Flowerseed,<BR> Thank you so much. Yeah, I do feel as if I lost a son. LOL Well, I always used to joke that I gave birth to four, and married one, now I get to divorce one. Here's to the best for us all.

ktgirl:<P>You certainly gave it your best shot and you fought the good fight. I've been thinking about this the last couple of days and wonder if your husband's lack of commitment is simply his lack of maturity. He's young and selfish. And I believe his change of heart has nothing to do with his love for you, ktgirl, and that he does love you. I just think he does not have what it takes yet to give you the stability and commitment necessary to nurture a marriage. It is your husband who is lacking, ktgirl, not you.<P>You sound resigned to what is happening to your marriage, and tired. Nothing saps the strength out of us more than emotional upheaval, trauma and the tragedies of this kind of crisis. In a way, I envy you that you will now be exempt from years of disappointment, insecurity, constant reminders, feelings of inadequacies, and always wondering if staying was the right choice. I hate second guessing myself and I do it all the time because now I will never really ever know for sure.<P>You have the opportunity to begin again fresh without the daily humiliation and long reaching future repercussions of having an OC in your life. You won't have the support issues or the resentment of having to pay a huge portion of your livlihood for his lapse in judgment for twenty years.<P>While I know this is extremely painful for you to endure and hope you recover from this quickly, I breathe a sigh of relief for you I cannot do for myself. I often wish I could move on without my husband but I am so enmeshed in our lives, I must stay and untangle the mess it has made of my life, straighten out the complications that dog me and endure the fallout for the next 18 years.<P>I am so sorry your marraige is ending, ktgirl, because endings are sad and so difficult. But I know you will be OK because you are strong and smart and have a wonderful heart. In your case, maybe something is being taken from you to replace it with something or someone better down the road. I will pray for you that this is the case and that you rebound from this crushing disappointment quickly and with a renewed heart and spirit.<P>God bless you, ktgirl. You are in my prayers. <P>Love<P>Catnip =^^=

Catnip,<BR> As usual, I am going back and forth between anger and sadness. During the angry times, I could care less about him. During the sad times, it's because I realize that I still love him. And I feel that we could make this marriage work. I feel like it is such a waste to walk away. <P>Kay

Ktgirl,<BR>I totally understand your feelings..one minute being pissed and the next loving him so much it hurts.<BR>The Song of Solomon 8:7 says "Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away." In other words, no matter what happens love will always stand. We often forget this when we are hurt and disappointed by someone we love. You love your H so don't deny it. You can be angy or hurt and even ready to move on but let the love come through your words and actions. If you do end your marriage do it with love. Make sure you do not allow anger, disappointment, guilt or shame drown out the love you have shared. Like water, love must flow. It changes forms. Love changes. Always remember the love that brought you into this marriage, because it is the same love that will get you out of it, if you decide.<BR>God Bless you Ktgirl.

Leelee,<BR> I guess I am kinda following your advice before I got it. I woke up after dreaming about him at 5 in the morning, unheard of for me. So I decided that meant there was something I had to say to him, and wrote him a letter. It was a nice letter, explaining that for some reason, the affair and none of that matter to me anymore. And that while I thought I was hurt by the affair, I didn't know real pain until I lost him. And this is the truth. I didn't know what pain was until I realized that he wanted a divorce. It makes everything that I have spent so long worrying about seem so trivial. All the time I wasted on hurt feelings, instead of wholeheartedly accepting that he knew he had made a mistake, and giving us a fresh start. I put all of this in the letter. It probably is too late to do any good, but I had to say it, so if there is a glimmer of a chance, he will see that I am really willing to give it a chance. <BR>

Oh kt I just read your last post I hope he listens let us know. My heart goes out to you. with love flowerseed<P>------------------<BR>Carol Ann

Thanks Flowerseed, I hope he does listen, but at this point I am not really hopeful. I will let you all know what his reaction is.

Sorry about this. But I know how it is. I finally told my H to move out and make up his mind about our life together. If he cannot tell OW that we are staying together, well then I guess it is the sign I need to move on with my life. I told him that I was preparing my list of how to split the property and would finish divorce after Jan. 1. <P>Well, at that point he reluctanly agreed. Then he came back two weeks later and is now determined that he will not loose me and loves me. I am sure he has not told OW that he feels this way about me. But I am begining not to care any more. So you never know what will happen. Perhaps your H will one day see what he is loosing. <P>Good luck with the holidays and new year. I recall telling my H last New Years Eve that I wanted the year 2000 to be different and for him and I to be different. At that time I didn't know about A. Boy... did I get a year that was TRUELY different. <P>Take care... Carolyn