Hello, <BR>First time on this sight so please forgive me if i make any mistake. I found out two months ago about my husband affair. In those to months my whole world has been turn upside down. She's having his baby due date on my birthdate(ha ha ha). My heat feels like it weights a ton inside. So much happen. maybe someone can help me. The way I found out her husband call me and told me to call her. After I found out about the affair. I meet her at Burger King. (Knew her my son and her daughter went to the same center). She told me nothing happen between them. That night I got a call from her with a new story, because he act like he didn't care about her. She told me it was true. She continue to call me and I talked to her not out of anger completly nice to her. She started asking me if she can call me at work so i said sure. She called me so much. She want me and my husband to take the baby because her husband did not want the baby so i said sure. Ask me if she can meet my husband for lunch to discuss the baby I said sure. I didn't realize then that all she want was a chance to be with him again. He turn her down after that thing got crazy. I wrote her to see what she was going to do with the child. She filed a restraining order on my husband and me. We both went to court deny that she was pregnant told the judge that I was following her and calling her never have follow her nor call her. Told him I put my husband up to following her told the judge that everything was my fault that my husband would not do that. He went up to the school to see if she was still pregnant because he had paid for her to have an abortion she never did. She turned the whole thing around. By the way she is pregnant she just lied. I can't believe how I got played by her. She claimed she had no family her and she didn't have anyone to talk to and ask if she could talk to me because no one else understood. I see why. On the same instance lost my job due to her. <BR>She's giving the baby to her aunt. My husband want to be a part of his baby life which I understand would consider him less of one if he did not. Now we don't know how to go about it because of the restaining orders. I have good days and bad days. Somethimes I think how could he ever. We've been married for 11 years 3 boys of our own. She's having a girl something he always wanted. Still dealing with the hurt of all this. Just want it to go away . He tries to show love so much now but this weekend I'm having a very hard time receiving it. My story is in short form. I can't go into all because it would be a short novel. My faith in God is strong and I know the only way to really get through this is in Him. So many thoughts run through my mind about the situation. Sometimes I think the same things we do they did. I think less of myself sometimes like what did I do wrong with this marriage and could i have prevented this. this OW is so bold I have the personality to be kind to everyone regardless of anything. Thinking what would Jesus do always. Never have I blame her for what my husband did, always blamed him. How do you get pass thinking about their times together and if he enjoyed being with her more than you. Please help me on every situation

Dear Bless Like Job,<BR>I can tell you one thing, you did nothing to receive this stunning news.<BR>I got my news Nov. 13. She was also my friend.So was her husband.<BR>I know and fully understand the hurt and pain you feel.<BR>It's like you can't even breathe sometimes.<BR>I try to remember times my husband and I were together while this was going on. He was always wonderful...there was a few months he was avoiding me. I found out now he was guilty and also avoiding her at that time.<BR>Honey you gave him 3 wonderful gifts in your 3 boys.<BR>Please do not think for one moment he loved you less or enjoyed her more. It was lust and fun I'm sure but in my case I have to believe it was never ever "the same".<BR>I hope you can believe that too....<P>Legal advice can not come from me. <P>I find it amazing you would welcome this child into your life.<P>Innocent or not I will not. It will represent his breaking our vows and also insure contact with other woman for the rest of our days. That is the impass I face today,30 odd days later.<P>Please go to counseling alone and with him. You can start at your church.<BR>Priest, Pastor, Reverend, whomever. Please do it.<P>The "tapes" of them kissing and screwing run rampant through my mind. I try to pray and replace those thoughts with the words of shame and sorrow he's said to me.<P>I am new at this and don't know if those thoughts will ever leave.<P>They suck!!!! I hate what he did with her. The fact he didn't love her doesn't make it much easier.<P>God Bless you.....Come back any time. I can only tell you what I feel and know at this time. I will try to help you as much as I can.<BR>I don't know how I found this sight either.<P>All I know is there are a lot of humble loving people here who are to me total, Angels.......<BR> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Dear Bless,<BR>I'm very sorry for your pain. There are lots of good people who can advise you here. I'm surprised you haven't gotten more answers; the holidays ARE here, I suppose. Anyhow, I've been there and done that and I know it hurts like Hell. I don't have all the answers today, but I can tell you it IS possible to recover your marriage if you are BOTH willing to work on it. NO, it is NOT your "fault", only the fault of the 2 who chose to commit adultery. However, it is important, I think for you and your H TOGETHER to dissect what went wrong (it's usually multiple problems), what created circumstances favorable to the committing of infidelity...(still not an 'excuse'!) and how to change things so it never happens again! <P>I'm a success story and there are others too. The Harley 'policies' and quizzes (Emotional Needs!) you can find here are just GREAT! We also loved the book "After the Affair" by Janis Abram Spring. May God bless you and your marriage and your children. I'd be happy to share more later.<P>Jenny, (2+years in recovery-woohoo!)<p>[This message has been edited by Jenny (edited December 20, 2000).]

Bless:<P>I can't believe I missed you post. I am so sorry to come in so late.<P>I just posted to another newcomer, livinghislie, where I explained the importance of reading everything on the forum and Dr. Harley's principles, Rules of Honesty and Protection and the Policy of Joint Agreement and to go through the old threads to familarize yourself with the stories and advice we have given each other over the months.<P>You have suffered the worst possible thing that can possibly happen to a marriage-discovery of an affair. Compound that with the horror of finding out an OC resulted from that betrayal is more than I could ever imagine enduring. It is the one thing I never ever thought would ever happen to us. I am sure it is this way for you, too.<P>You have come to the right place, Bless. The people here come to tell their stories, seek advice, vent and rage over their pain and study ways to recover using the Harley principles. For me, it is an effective therapy to help me get through the shock, trauma, humiliation and anger.<P>I am 26 months past discovery and 20 months into recovery, a tenuous recovery, but a recovery, nonetheless. I have probably overstayed my residency on this site, but I am dealing with many issues that are life alterning and I need to come here to 'ground' myself or spin off into orbit.<P>You're raw right now from the discovery and heartache and probably experiecing your own brand of post traumatic stress from this horrible revelation. For the next few months you will need to come here to vent and rage and ask wquestions and tell your story and get through the many changes and decisions you must make. You must learn the necessary tools you will need to determine what you must do to make your marriage whole again. It always seemed so weird to me that we are the innocents in this ugly triangle, yet we are the ones who are actively making the attempts to repair and restore. Probably because we are so hurt and in so much pain from what has happened to us that we are desparate to heal.<P>A lot of healing takes place here, a lot of good advice is given and received. You found this site because you were supposed to. It is incredible how we manage to find each other and it I never get over the marvel of Harley's insight to provide a place for us to some to where we know we will be understood and be given the guidance we need to change our lives.<P>Whatever you need from us, we are all here and willing to give you the support you need. In addition to this site, counselling of some kind is crucial. you have so many things to consider and so much to absorb in addition to trying to get through the next few months of trials. Please let us help you. And post often.<P>Tell us more about you and what your marriage was like and how you see how all this began. It is a cathartic experience that often reveals things we don't always see until we start talking. <P>I hate to say welcome, so I will just say I am glad you found us; you came to the right place.<P>Blessings<P>Catnip =^^=

Bless, Iam sorry also I didnt see it either. I just came across your post also I cant add anymore than what has already been said at this time except Ill will be here to help you in anyway I can. With love flowerseed<P>------------------<BR>Carol Ann