I dont know what happened but after reading kt post along with heavenly and catnips replys the other day and her husband reply about not being able to stand seeing the pain in her eyes really got me thinking. I sat back I said who have I hurt in my life and how would I feel if the pain I caused never went away it hit me my dad and mom it must have ripped there hearts out when there 14 year old little girl came home that winter day 24 years ago and told them she was pregnate. The shame that had to have caused must have been unbearable my father was angry with me for about 3 yrs actally would not even talk to me.Did I stop to think what I was doing would cause this pain never even crossed my mind all I wanted was someone to make me feel wanted and guess what this guy was a yuky puke just like the thing that my H was with. I can finally say I am at peace and I can let it all go. I want to thank each and everyone of you for being here. I never would have made it without your help. You all have gave me the greatest gift I have ever received peace it feels so good. Merry Christmas with love flowerseed<P>------------------<BR>Carol Ann

Dear Carol Ann,<P>You really started me thinking. I guess not one of us can say that we are proud of every single thing that we have ever done. We have all made really stupid mistakes that may have cost people we love a lot of pain.<P>Your story illustrates how easy it is to forget what your actions do to another person and at the same time it shows that hurting that person may be the farthest thing from your mind, but it happens anyway.<P>I have also achieved a new level of peace this year. I just spoke with my H about it. He is delighted that I am trusting him more and letting go of the anger and the pain. And more than that, I am delighted to have myself back again. I had begun to despise the person I became during this ordeal -- nagging, bitter, angry, retaliatory -- just an all around miserable person.<P>Yes, I had reason to be. But, I don't want to live my life anymore hating myself or hating the OW or anyone else. I want to be at peace and I also think I have found it.<P>I know how you feel Carol Ann. God has truly blessed you and I pray that your Christmas will be wonderful knowing that your heart is healing.<P>- Heavenly

flowerseed and heavenly,<P>you both just hit something very true. i know i have done things in my life i am not proud of. luckily for me, they didn't have lasting consequences. unfortunately for my H, they did. i guess that makes it easier to feel like what he did was worse. the size of the error i guess is unimportant. it is what we do after to make things right that is what is important.<P>i have forgiven my husband, have come to accept that all the child support and OW/OC stuff is just part of our marriage. but it is not ALL our marriage. just a little yucky part, like the bills, the IRS, taxes, putting up with bosses, etc. it is one more "bill". for us, it is what works. <P>thanks for reminding us all that none of us are perfect. it helps to have things put into perspective sometimes. <P>merry christmas to you both and thanks for sharing such an important thought with us. <P>love, happy_girl<BR>

Flowerseed, you were so young.I know how disappointed parents can be,but geeze,3 years?<BR>I pretty much never did too many wrong things,oh there are some...Like when I quit speaking to my mom after an arguement and it lasted 2 years.....but that I think is the most hurtful wrong thing...I don't know.<P>Did you keep your baby?<P>Merry Christmas to you and HeavenlyBody,Happy-Girl and Catnip,and all of you wonderful friends I have made this month.....<BR> Debi

Thanks heavenly ,happy-girl and gemni . gemini what are you sill doing up. Yes I kept baby I have a wonderful 24 year old dauther now her name is Heather. I got married to this guy it didnt work out. I have spent all these years running in repeat mode . I finally have everything I have always been looking for. It took some major heartbreak to get to where Iam at. I think I was just to afraid to believe that this life we have now could really be true. I heard something the other day (If you dont live your real life you have nothing) One things for sure mine has been real. gemni get some sleep. with love flowerseed <p>[This message has been edited by flowerseed (edited December 19, 2000).]

I'm happy you have your daughter,Flowerseed.<BR>I think it makes you a wonderful person to have kept her. I'm sure you were scared and felt alone at that time.<P>I DO SLEEP! I just get up so early these days. heh...heh... I'm ok.<BR> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Gemini, I have 3 girls 1 boy its something else to look at these girls and they look just like me. There is a lot age diffrence so I have different version of myself all at once. I get up early to glad your doing better. with love flowerseed <P>------------------<BR>Carol Ann

Flowerseed,I bet they're all beautiful! With a handsome son thrown in for good measure!<P>I laughed when I saw "different versions of me"<BR>I think that would be so cool.......<P>Have a great day and I'll visit later.<BR> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Dear Flowerseed,<P>That is wonderful to hear. One for each of your children.<P>Thank you again for the advice on pure vanilla - how do you get that? From the bark or from powder? WHat colour is it? How often do you have to do that?<P>I am using Dentinox on the gums at the moment.<P>God bless you<BR>take care<BR>from weep

weep, Thank you for the smiles. You can get pure vanilla at the store in the baking section flavorings. Its liguid just make sure it says pure vanilla instead of imitation. Put a little on your finger gees I just wrote figure maybe we could try that to, and rub on where tooth is coming thru.Hope it helps with love flowerseed <P>------------------<BR>Carol Ann