Please help me on this. Is the "fog" not remembering dates like when he first startd with her and date of (approximatly)last time he "did" her?<P>ANYONE?<P>It is driving me crazy here.<P>Merry Christmas if I don't see you before holiday.<P> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Most of us refer to the "fog" as the delusional state of mind that WS is in (beleiving they have found soulmate, not seeing harm they are doing, etc.).<P>I guess it could include not remembering dates and more common memory issues. <P>Take care... Carolyn

gem, Maybe its our H vison after we found out and gave them two black eyes. Sorry I couldnt resist. with love flowerseed<P>------------------<BR>Carol Ann

Thanks sooo much takingcare. I was "surfing " this forum waiting for an answer.<P>No, he doesn't feel he had a soulmate . He tells me we are soulmates.<P>He very much knows and says the harm he did.<P>It's just the vague answer of "around a year" when I ask him when he started this thing. <BR>Flower seed ....you are too much!lol<BR> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....<p>[This message has been edited by gemini1 (edited December 22, 2000).]

gemini,<P>I understand "the fog" to refer to the state of mind of the cheating person when they are having an emotional affair ('we're In Love') or still in withdrawl. They see the OP through rose-colored glasses (and likewise the spouse through ****-colored glasses?), the kind of view anyone can have when they are starting a relationship and don't see the lover's faults, except they happen to be MARRIED already. It's an attitude. I've heard it said the married (and some divorced)people who dump their spouse for another brings the exact same issues into their next relationship! The fog clears and Guess What? You're still a screw up! And your spouse is no more perfect than the last! Maybe worse!<P>Oops! Little vent there!! (My parents divorced and carried their issues into other relationships. Now they are getting old alone and miserable. Their bad example helped me stay in my marriage.)<P>Anyway, some Affairs are not emotional. My H's wasn't, or so he says. So says yours. And even emotional affairs can be recovered from.<P>Black eyes...hehehe (good one flower)<BR>J<P>PS I think the not-remembering dates things is so GUY-related, guilt-related, and typical when it's not an emotional affair. Think of it... he knows he's doing the wrong thing, feels guilty, he doesn't really care much about the OP, so why would he hang onto those "special" dates?? He'd rather FORGET! Early on, I got the XOW to tell me when it started on the phone, although you have to realize sometimes OP lie.<p>[This message has been edited by Jenny (edited December 22, 2000).]

Gemini,<P>I think Jenny is right - some H's are evasive out of guilt and simply wanting to forget the whole thing. Those H's who are trying to rebuild their marriage KNOW that they have hurt their wives deeply. They have no desire to continue inflicting pain by telling the details.<P>We as the betrayed spouses become obsessive sometimes and want to know everything about the A. (that was me!) But, my H told me that every time I would ask him for details -- where did it happen? when did it happen? how many times? did you enjoy it more with her? - it was also like opening an old wound for him. He felt that he was being put on trial over and over again for a crime that he had already admitted and was trying to do penance for.<P>Your H may know, but he may be trying to save you from more unnecessary pain and anguish. And at the end of the day, is it really important how many times or where? Does it serve any other purpose to know other than to hurt you more? Try to stop hurting yourself -- our H's have done a good enough job!<P>I hope that you will be able to put your worries aside and enjoy the Christmas holiday. I am praying for peace for us all.<P>- Heavenly

You're both right Heavenly and Jenny....<P>He has been the best at home and I believe when he says he'll be the best husband to me and loves me and wants to grow old with me.<P>In counseling if I get angry he says "I love YOU! No one else can compare to the love I have for you. If this doesn't work I want you to know I will NEVER, EVER be with her!<BR>Please try with me. Please!"<P>Gotta love it, huh?<BR> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....