As you all know, I sent the plan B letter on 12/16 and she received it about 12/19. Well, on 12/21 W called crying about how our daughter expected her to be there Christmas Day. It really bothered me and I talked to my little girl and I decided to let W come over Christmas Day. I told W that Plan B was in effect from Christmas Day forward. W understands and accepts Plan B, I told her how much I loved her and wrote her a sweet note and left it in her purse. I had counceling for about 10 min. tonight with Jenn..the rest of the time Jenn spent with my W. Jenn said that if I could do it to Plan B for a year!! I thought that Plan B would be easy, but just in the short time that I didn't talk to my W, I missed hearing her voice. Jenn said that Plan B not only withdraws my needs from my W, but also her needs from me. It is tough thinking that there will be no contact with the woman I have almost had daily contact with for the last 10 years. I also find it hard waiting on my W, possibly for a year, for OM to screw up. I feel as though I will be the consolation prize and that if W gets to try OM out, that she will just have to settle for me after OM doesn't work out. I am feeling kinda' blue today..maybe it's the holiday's, but need a little cheering up. Thank you all and God bless you.<BR>Floored

Dear floored,<P> Christmas is tough in this situation, I've had two of them. My wife was gone Christmas Eve, and she wasn't home Christmas morning before Linzi got up.<P> So Linzi and I had Christmas morning together, and I was thankful she was there, and by God we had a blast!!<BR> She asked for a tent, and a disco-glitter ball?!! for her bedroom.<BR>The tent was no problem, and I finally tracked down a glitter ball with a pin-spot and motor from a mail order house.<BR> She is seven, and beginning to have some doubts as to Santas' existance, so I put on a full court press Christmas miracle this year!<BR> At three AM I was crawling around in the attic, pulling wires for receptacles to power this disco light show,(with her asleep in the room below), and then proceeded to set up a ten foot by eight foot tent in our nine foot by seven foot living room. <BR> <P><BR> I have never had a better Christmas, and I have never been closer to my daughter. She still believes in Santa!!<P><BR> You are in my prayers, I should have done what you have done months ago.<P> God bless you,<BR> <P>------------------<BR><P>Gregg

Floored and Lynton,<P>I just wanted to put in my 2 cents worth to both your situations. <P>Floored: If your wife was smart, she would have already seen what OM is worth, and not put you and your kids through this situation. I have a hard time believing that this OM has so much more to offer her than someone who has been there for the past 10 years, and has given her the children that she currently has. Even through all the problems you may have had that has put you in this spot, you are at least 10 times the man that this OM is. It angers me when I read your posts and see the pain she is putting you through, and then calls crying about Christmas. Of course, being a military wife, I have spent one holiday season with out my husband, and will be doing so again next year. Your W needs to realize that your kids need a constant, not her popping in for holidays and birthdays, because of this OM. And so does your marriage.<P>Lynton: I am sorry that your W wasn't home on Christmas Eve, or Christmas morning. Linzi is very lucky to have a Daddy who would go to such lengths just to give her something to have faith in this holiday season when they can loose that faith so easily, especially in your situation. Angel and Linzi need full time parents to have a happy childhood. I get the same anger when I read what your W is putting you through. You are willing, and eager, to raise Angel as your D, and your W is whining about OM "needing" to see this baby. This is a time that she needs to be there for her family, not the OM. He doesn't need anything at all, being the one who just donated the sperm to a married woman!! <P>Both of your wives need to wake up and smell what the OM is truly made of, S***!!!! Any man who can encourage a married woman to stay away from her family and kids to be with him should be put in the dung pile where he belongs!!!<P><BR>On a brighter side, I hope that you had a good Christmas, Floored. And I hope that Linzi still has her faith, Lynton. And I hope that your Christmas's were spent in love, not anger. I know that we had a wonderful day with the kids, and later with our friends. It was tough being away from the rest of the family again, but we survived, and know that a couple years from now, we will be able to spend the holidays with the extended family again.(Can't exactly drive to AZ from HI )<P>You will both continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.<P>Tigger

floored:<P>It's good to see an update from you.<P>Plan B isn't easy. Everyone complains about how tough Plan A is (the "doormat" aspect of things), but for someone who loves their spouse, Plan B is hell. It's even worse if you have to separate from your kids---so at least you've been spared that pain.<P>My time in Plan B was pretty short (under two months). The first couple weeks were by far the hardest; it was very disorienting to be separated from someone who you had been in love with for so long. This will get better, however, with some time. As Jenn told you, not only will YOU not be meeting her needs (and now she'll be solely relying on the OM); but you won't be relying on her to meet your needs. In essence, you're going to have part of your day being taken up by learning to become more self-reliant, and dealing with everything on your own.<P>A year seems like eternity right now. But your goal is to make it to the end of this week. Same goal for next week. Keep a steady pace, and this won't seem as bad.<P>To hammer home an essential elememt of Plan B---you should have no real contact with anyone of the opposite sex (Mom excepted). You will be very vunerable to an affair---what's more, you'll be very ATTRACTIVE to other women just by what you're doing. Just take my word for it; no opposite sex friends, no dating, no sharing marital problems (it's OK with one or two close male friends).<P>I know how you feel about being the "consolation" prize. It's not true. The bottom line is that your wife is more "in love" with the OM right now than you. This is most likely a temporary situation. You can think of it as temporary "insanity" on your wife's part, if it helps you to cope better. Your wife is acting like an addict---she's giving up most of her "normal and sensible" life to pursue the high of an affair. Plan B is to help you transition through this period with as much of your love for you wife intact as possible, while she undergoes the inevitable end of this affair. It won't last---the odds are strongly in your favor. Given that fact---the bottom line is that you need to get to the end of the affair in such a way so that you still love her. And she needs to have some hope that should she return to you, that she will feel safe and want to make a decision to return to the marriage (that's the reason for Plan A).<P>You're half-way there. Hang on, and take care of your family. And I'll be praying for you. God bless.

Dear floored,<P>Going for a complete separation takes a lot of courage. But I can only imagine how difficult each day must be now for you.<P>I don't have any advice, since I never had to go through a separation. But I think that Tigger is right. No holidays, birthdays or special occasions from here on forward, until OM is gone. Using you for a temporary 'family experience' and then going back to OM for everything else is extremely cruel.<P>May God bless and protect you,<P>StillTrying<P>