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Joined: Aug 2000
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Well, I survived Christmas. I was worried that I would get far too emotional and start thinking what might happen in a few months. But I actually had a wonderful Christmas weekend. My sweet daughters make it so wonderful, my eldest was the Angel of the Lord in our church's pageant which really broutgh the full meaning to light for all of us. My little one was much more aware of everything and was really into Giving, she was giving away her own presents. My H wanted so badly to give me what I really wanted which is peace of mind and for it all to go away but he couldn't of course. He did give me a necklace with a heart pendant and diamond in the middle, which he really gave with his heart.<P>Now I am so glad to bid farewell to a truly crappy year and am so hopeful for a new one but I am so worried too that it could even be worse. What will happen in February ? Will we hear if she had a baby or not ? This has been driving me crazy for the last four months, not hearing a word. This is probably why my head has been hurting for the last couple days. We are doing so great, my roller coaster ride is not as constant and the love is over flowing in our house. But I am so afraid of the bomb that could drop on it all and wipe it away. I am afraid New Years Eve is going to be very tearful for many reasons, good and bad.<P>One thing is for sure I have to get my health back physically and mentally so I can do what ever I need to do and be strong.<P>I just had to let this out, thanks for listening. I do not post (but read everyday during the week) much mainly because I just don't know what to post other than the turmoil in my head. We have no contact with OW (I hate calling her that because it was one night stand, she really never had a label, how about AN - A Nobody) and my H and I are better than ever. I am my own worse enemy right now. Anxiety is my enemy.<P>Best wishes for wonderful New Year to all !<P>Carrie<P>

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It really sounds like things are going well. Don't worry yourself about things that haven't happened. It just is a waste.<P>I really wish the OW in my case was just a "one-night-stand", but she wasn't. They work together and she is convinced that he is her soulmate. Every day I have to face the fact that he leaves home and goes to spend 8 hours (or better) with her. He has even admitted to visiting the child, even though I have requested that not happen at her house. <P>Don't worry about "the bomb". It really won't be as bad as anything you are imagining. Please don't give her so much space in your head. Devote that energy to yourself and your family. It's sort of like worrying about the price of gasoline. You know that it can financially impact you, but it can't destroy you and there is NOTHING to be accomplished by thinking about it. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Take are, and post even if you just have turmoil. <P>Carolyn

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Thank you so much Taking Care, I really needed that, especially about not letting her take up so much space in my head - that is great advice !

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Carriemom:<P>As long as I've known you, you have always been in battle with 'ghosts' and worrying abut the impact of the 'what-ifs'. You have said yourself that you are your own worst enemy. but you know this! That is the first step in gaining strength. In someways this has been a healthy cathartic experience for you because you have already lived the hell before it has occurred. You may have inadvertantly prepared yourself for the worst.<P>Carrie, I know you are fearful of what may be, but like takingcare said, it is a little like worrying about the price of gasoline. Right now I would say no news is good news. As far as the ticking clock and potential bomb, you know it exists and that there is the possibility of upcoming 'fallout' from your situation, but at the same time, it could be nothing.<P>At this point, for peace of mind, you could hire a PI or enlist the help of a friend willing to ferret out information to speed along this process so you aren't so tortured by it. I know that the 'not knowing' is the toughest. Let me know how I can help. I'm just across the river.<P>Catnip =^^=

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Thank you so much Catnip. This has been an extremely bad day, haven't had one like this in a long while but your words have made my head stop hurting.<P>I think I need some sort of plan for myself after the new year to really take charge of how I am going to be - which has to be strong and good. This horrible year is ending so well (despite the Vikings-ha!), we are so happy otherwise and my girls are such a joy. We intend to go to a family party at our church on New Years Eve, we feel that would be a really good way to close out and start anew.<P>Hope you had a great Christmas Catnip and will have a fun New Year over there (what area code are you now - I'm so confused). I know we have been saying this back and forth a lot but hopefully we can get together after the holiday stuff ends and the weather calms down. I have a real regular work schedule now.<P>Thanks again Catnip, my head really feels better !<P>Hugs,<BR>Carrie

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Carrie,<P>I am a lot like you "what if-ing" myself insane. It is so hard not to worry about what may happen especially in your situation since the OC has not been born yet.<P>Like the others said, it is so important that you not fritter away the good times worrying about bad times that may or may not come. If I had ten cents back for every time I let the OW and OC ruin what should have been a happy time in my life, I would be rich.<P>But when you let that happen, they keep winning over and over again and you keep losing over and over again. We've lost enough sleep, tears, worry, etc. For 2001 -- some say the real start of the millennium -- I would like to take greater control over my life and my thoughts. Sometimes I give in to the worry and I will end up arguing with my H over absolutely nothing but the ghosts and goblins in my head. <P>So for 2001, my resolution is going to be to keep making myself happy. I have made all the decisions that need to be made at this point and I intend to simply concentrate on me. If life throws me a curve I will deal with it, but not a moment before the curve appears.<P>I hope that you can sail into the New Year with new confidence and hope and leave the cloud of worry over the year 2000 where it belongs.<P>- Heavenly

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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by carriemom:<BR><B> I am my own worse enemy right now. Anxiety is my enemy.<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>that is me too. i do a lot of "what if's" too. i cause myself more trouble than all the other stuff does. <P>it sounds like you and hubby are doing good. make your new years resolution to try to move on and not what if so much. that is what i am going to try to do.<P>i wish you all the best in 2001 with your husband and kids. and i pray the OW is not really having a baby.<P>take care carriemom.<P>happy_girl<P>

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What the heck is up with "what-if-itis"?<BR>Carriesmom,I am the same way. My H has no clear answer as to what if it's his. Of course he'll pay(pisses me off to no end),but I wonder if he'll let well enough alone...... What if he wants to visit?<BR> What if he spends bdays with it?<BR> Xtra Christmas gifts?<BR>It drives me crazy somedays.<P>I will not stay if he chooses to go anywhere near it. My prep song is by Madonna....Express Yourself.....Listen to the words....Don't go for 2nd best baby.....<BR>Great motivational song.<BR> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

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Thanks to everyone for your great replies and advice.<P>Kind of wish I could of seen them before New Years Day. 2001 has not had a good start, but today I am kind of laughing at it all. I was bit emotional on New Years Eve right after midnight. We were at home and did the countdown with my older daughter and had fun, blowing horns and kissing, then just a few tears came down. That was fine and not totally unexpected. Then on New Years Day I crashed. We usually have a big get together at my parent's house, but my Mom had the flu. This was not good, I needed a party, instead I was at home with all of my thoughts and fears with no plans on a holiday. My H took our older daughter sledding, I stayed home with the napping little one who was getting a doozy of a cold. Being alone felt good, nobody was staring at me wondering what I was going to do next. So, I coasted through the day and somehow survived, we took the trees down and had some fun. I was really miserable when the girls went to bed and then my H got impatient with me which made me feel worse. He wonders how long this is going to go on ( we are only 5 months past D-day) and I told him it has not been long and I do very well most of the time. Then he backed up and realized he had no right to be impatient, we talked it out, I let out all of the emotions I had pent up which are not all about us, I have a lot going on now. Then he was so glad he said I need to talk it out more often with him even if it doesn't all make sense. Then we went to be feeling much better and well, you know.<P>Then yesterday I had the day off with my girls and we enjoyed the day cleaning up all the decorations and getting back to normal life. Both the girls have colds now, but they are very sweet, not complaining. However, my little one kept me up most of the night sleeping in our bed because she woke up from coughing too hard.<P>So, to sum it up today : New Years was kind of bad - too emotional, failed plans, I had a falling out with my sister on Friday (so that bothered me all weekend too, not sure if I should respond to her e-mail this morning), both girls are sick but went to school and daycare, I am very tired and have a very stiff/sore neck (diet today - Diet Pepsi and ibuprofen), a friend is mad because I did not respond to her e-mail yesterday (I didn't work yesterday, so I was not here to get it), I am worried about my Mom and my H's family seems to be getting more psycho especially after the holidays.<P>Well, after I write it out it doesn't seems that bad, it could be worse. And this morning my H and I looked terrible and were so tired but we both kept going on and on about how sweet our little baby was all night and how cute she looked this morning in our bed. So we are both smelling roses this morning.<P>Gotta go get a Pepsi and figure out how to respond to my sister. Is there a board for siblings who argue over the treatment of aging parents ?<P>Hugs to all,<P>Carrie

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Carrie:<P>You sound good today in spite of your slightly bumpy weekend. Your husband is a great guy to be so reassuring to you, working so hard to make things right. Most of us here have had to go through nasty withdrawal phases. I am so glad you've been spared that.<P>BTW, Carrie, why would anyone with your figure worry about 'dieting'??? I lift my Coke to your Pepsi and toast you..."May 2001 bring you peace, joy and a quick resolution to any 'outside' issues and bring you and your husband closer than ever before."<P>Catnip =^^=

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Oh, I am never on a diet, I just mentioned that I would have to live on those two things today because of my sore neck and I am so tired. I had Mexican Lasagne in between doses of ibuprofen and caffeine. The tiredness has not hit me yet, but I am not letting it, I am on my third 24 oz bottle of Pepsi!<P>Carrie<P>


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