I going nuts I am having a terrible time dealing with my H getting his friend from the job he worked at when he was cheating on me back in our lives. This guy knew what he had been doing , knew that it thing was pregnate and could still sit at my kitchen table and drink my coffie even though I didnt know.They took turns driving so he would be here every day even back then that bugged me because it seems to be the only time me and H have time alone. He also was the one to tell my H that ow had called him and she had his son and had her own apartment now at a time in our lives that things were going very well.I still at that time knew nothing about it. It really p***** me off that he thinks it was ok to relay messages like this. H hardly any contact anymore with this guy up until resently my H got him ajob working with him at his new job. So I again have this puke sitting at my kitchen table every morn for over an hour. I can not stand this guy I never could he has a neg outlook and acts like a queer. I swear my husband has a magnet up his a** that attracts retards.I went threw the roof last night this guy and his wife split up about 1 month ago she has a problem with cheating that has been going on for a long time. My H likes to work on cars after work and this idiot brings this car over for them to work on together and I find out its the guys car she was cheating with what is wrong with these people . When I found out this I asked H if he knew that was her boyfriends car and he got mad and said why should it bother me. I told him they are all a bunch of f****** weirdos at this point I am back to really hating my H I also told him what I think about his friend he just cant understand why I have a problem with this guy. Another thing is we would talk everyday while H is at work but now he doesnt want me to call unless emergnacy because this guys wife keeps calling my h cell phone to talk to her h. My h excuse is because he told his friend to tell her not to call that I cant either. I told H I should be put first not treated like this because this guys whore wife calls him . Now I feel Iam in competition with another man ugh gross. with love flowerseed

Geeze Flowerseed....I think this is a problem with all men.<BR>We have a mutual friend who knew about my H near the end of A cuz my H told him he couldn't stand it any more. I talked to the friend since and he cried telling me he HATED what my H did and how he and his wife love me and I didn't deserve it....just a lot of feelings came out. My H was jealous I talked to him so long. I DID say to friend why didn't you STOP him? He said he tried,but he had to stick by my H cuz they are such good friends....GGGRRRRRRRRR!!!!!<P>Does this guy say ANYTHING about A to you?<BR>Or do you just hate him? Guys hide stuff for their friends. We place the blame on friends instead of our own H. I really still like my H friend and his wife and kids. We still go over their house.<BR>What I mean is it's a man thing,not against you,Flowerseed.<BR>Maybe back off calling EVERYDAY....Maybe don't be so clingy.(When you figure out how not to be, clue me in)<BR>It seems I get a better reaction from my H when I just go about my merry way. You know?<BR>Not too needy even though I FEEL needy.<BR>Last but not least,HE IS WITH YOU!!!! YOU! NOT "IT"!!! OK? OK.<P>Give it a try Flowerseed,back off a little. I would try again to say how you feel if it is still too much to see this weirdo after a while. Maybe he needs a friend bcuz of his wife cheating. Maybe you can Try to be his friend too? Suck it up and try. Forgive the idiot. Some people are just so f'n<BR>annoying and they can't help it,ya know?<P>I'm sure someone else will help you out.It's just an opinion.<BR> Debi<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

gem, I think it bothers me so bad is because when H was pulling his crap he would have this guy here every morn just so he didnt have to talk to me. So by him doing this again I feel like Iam where I was almost 2 years ago. I have quit calling him it just erks me that he instead of coming right out and telling this guy not to have her calling his cell phone he puts me on the same level as this guys cheating wife. Hes been calling me Iam so p off I dont answer the phone. There was something my H said back when he was cheating . It was April fools day and him and his butt buddy where standing outside. He said hey hon I just got laid at work. April fools they both thought that was funny that is just what he was doing screwing her at work how sick I dont see how he could have said such a thing even if he wasnt doing that how could that be funny. Having this guy around brings all these bad things back.I try to be nice to this guy but I cant stand to even here his voice I turned the tv up this morning to dround him out. I cant understand when I have been doing so good and finally getting better my h has to involve this guy so much in our lives. Iam beginning to think my H is just a very sick person if things dont change right away I am all done. Iam going to get back in touch with my friends I think that will help me. with love flowerseed

Flowerseed:<P>Gemini gave you good advice. It is important that you do not allow yourself to get sucked into this or appear too clingy. It's true that the more carefree and happy you behave, people (especially your spouse) will be attracted to you and will wonder what you're up to.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by flowerseed:<BR><B>now he doesnt want me to call unless emergnacy because this guys wife keeps calling my h cell phone to talk to her h. My h excuse is because he told his friend to tell her not to call that I cant either.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>This is so incredibly preposterous, it defies logic. Why should it or would it matter one iota to your husband if this man or his wife/girlfriend got upset if YOU, the wife, the only one entitled to call, called him on his cell phone. There is no comparison. These two people are NON-ISSUES, mere acquantances and to be given any consideration whatsoever over you, of all people is ludicrous and laughable. You are not on the same level by any standards.<P>This leads me to believe that here is a red flag waving in your face-I hope you are paying attention to it. I'm not trying to alarm you, Flowerseed, but I think it is important you stay alert. Your husband's behavior seems somewhat regressive and it could just be the negative influence from the 'friend'.<P>Stay strong, keep a clear head, loosen your grip and pay attention. Make sure you lighten up your persona and have fun with your family and other friends. Laugh often and enjoy yourself. It will make him nuts.<P>Catnip =^^= <P>

Catnip, red flags are up thats my thoughts about the phone deal it makes no sence the guys wife is calling my h cell the friend doesnt have a cell phone. She has a boyfried and there working on his car it cant get any crazier can it.All I can say is it makes me want to puke. So not only do I have his face here every morn going on 3 evenings now in a row. I wont be here tonight its to much for me. with love flowerseed

flowerseed, i agree with catnip and gemini. especially that this is a red flag. i had a problem with my brother in law that knew and his cousins that knew too. it made me sick. but men are men, and they usually cover for eachother. not all, i do know one guy who told his friend he should stop cheating. <P>when i confronted them, they said it wasn't their business. they couldn't tell me, etc. so i just don't trust them with anything. the BIL that knew drinks and when he does i won't talk to him because he says too much.<P>anyway, i don't know what to say except be very careful. he is acting weird.<P>take care flowerseed.<P>happy_girl

Flowerseed,<P>Before this "friend" came back in the picture, were you and your H enjoying the time, and using it to both your benefit in the morning before he left for work? If this was your special time to just relax together in the morning, before your days started, then I think you have every right to ask for them back. I would suggest to your H that he pick this guy up after he leaves your house. Does this guy have to be over at your house before work, does he live very far away from your house? Let your husband know that you understand the carpool stuff, but that you would still like to have your mornings with him alone. There are many ways to do this without being pushy. <P>As for the car they are working on, I have no idea what advise to give you about that. This guy does seem kinda screwed in his thinking, if this car is his wife's boyfriends car. I would feel the same way you do if that was happening at my house.<P>As for the fact that this guy knew what was going on and never said anything to you about it, well, I've known my H's best friend since kindergarden, and he never said a word to me, and neither did his wife, who I considered my best friend. I haven't talked to her since April(they are divorced), but my H usually talks to his friend every week. Like everyone else has said in regards to that, men do "stick up" for each other, and keep each other's secrets. I still love our friend, and really don't blame him for his part in keeping the secret. I could go on with other examples, but I've already rambled on. <P>I hope I helped put this into a better perspective, and gave you some advise you can use. I think you have every right to ask your H to not have this guy over so much.<P>I'll keep you in my prayers,<P>Tigger

Thanks happy, the only possible logic that I can figure with this phone deal is its a company phone. But its still bull. Iam his wife I just cant believe he is so stupid as to how his actions make me feel. His excuse for this car deal is he is busting his a** to try to make extra money. I told him I dont care about the money I would much rather have his time with his family. This was the problems I had before work and money seems to mean everything to this guy. I feel like my world gets better just to get smashed again. I think it would help if we were not buried in snow clear to our eyeballs. Well see how things go. I had a lot to say I wont be put backseat to nobody especially someone elses screwed up life. H just called and said Fran will be dropping off parts for this car sounds like she has a queer for a husband and boyfriend. I just talked to my friend that I havnt seen in a couple of years and her father died last year her mother had moved in with another man and her father couldnt take it. Is there something in the water here or what. withlove flowerseed

tigger, yes the mornings are the only time that we do have alone. He has only known this guy since the last job he worked at which would be about the time he started cheating on me. Whats even more sick is this guy also took the slut out that my husband got pregnate he was spit up at that time also because of wife cheating.My husband said he talked him into it to get her off his back. I remember at that time my H was really mean to this guy at this time. This guy had wrote him a note saying he better quit his crap or he could really f up his world. My h showed me this note I knew right then that he had something on him H just played stupid. I did tell my H that there was no need for this guy to be here that early he parks his car here and rides with my h. He did show up a little later this morning we will see what happens. I really thought we were going to be all right up until now. I just dont know what to think. with love flowerseed

Hey Flowerseed,I agree with being snowed in. It can make you crazy.<P>I think like Catnip after I thought about it.<BR>Why the heck COULDN'T you call your own H cell phone? I would watch out for yourself.<P>At least he should not let the guy come over for an hour b4 work. That's just too crazy.<P>Don't make him choose the friend or you. Just try to put a stop to the "morning show".<BR>It's his house AND your house so you guys should mutually agree on that.<P>Good luck,Flowerseed.<BR> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

I just got the mail now my h has to go to court seems as tho slut is *****en about not getting her paycheck. It is deducted right from his paycheck plus back support. I cant take anymore god help me. with love flowerseed

Oh god Flowerseed, can you go to visit anyone? I think you need a break. What the heck? Does she want more? Is the check late? I fear all that I read on here more and more!<P>Who do these sluts think they are?<BR>I said it b4....they kept H sperm WITHOUT their permission! What if H wasn't married and wanted to KEEP baby but slut said NO where are his rights????? She gets to make ALL THE f'n choices.....I hope the laws change and soon!<P> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

gem, I dont know what is going on it is took out of his check every week has been since the court order there was about 1000.oo that added up from the day it filed until the order was put into affect but back support has been paid out of every check plus the dna testing. I am leaving right now Iam going to my friends house. Ill be back later with love flowerseed

Dear flowerseed,<P>What a screwy situation you are finding yourself in. No one can blame you for feeling the way that you do when you associate the friend so strongly with the memory of the A.<P>As tigger said, there are ways to make your H aware of your feelings without being pushy. You need to take some time out and take him somewhere off the track and quiet where you can talk honestly and without anger. Or, you might wish to write him a letter so that you can clearly express what the situation is doing to you.<P>As for the car, the friend must be some type of idiot to help his W's lover??!! The lunatics have now taken over the asylum. I'd fix my OW's car alright -- pull a few wires out!<P>I am wary, as the others are, about the cell phone. I think that you must insist that you have the right to be in touch with your H. If the problem with the friend's wife is as bad as your H describes, then change the phone number or get him a phone with caller id so he can see who is calling him.<P>There are options, but NOT taking your call is certainly not one of them!<P>- Heavenly

Flowerseed, I hope you find peace of mind today. I'm thinking of you honey.....<BR> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Thanks everyone much better today Heavenly I wrote the note the day before yeaterday. It takes my h time for things to sink in. I am happy to say they have we were able to talk last night after I calmed down. The deal with the phone was that H had just told this guy to tell her to stop calling and I had just happened to call at the wrong time that was why he had said that quit stupid. He does things like that at times. He didnt really mean it he was trying to make a point to idiot stick. What threw me so much was that before all this my h would call just to ask if it was snowing. Things are back to normal he realizes dumb mistake. The car deal was that this idiot told him it was a friend of this guy wife he didnt know at the time whos it was only seen dollar signs. He thinks its a sick sititution also. Gees what a diffrence it makes if you can just sit down and talk. H said he doesnt answer when he sees her num he had to tell him again yesterday again she dont get it . I think there most be a way I can program her number so she cant get threw. She called here at the house last night when they were working on car we have a phone with a intercom they had the phone I listened to the way she acts she is one bossy you know what she thinks she can order these guys around like she owns them. She is one screwed up girl is all I can say.I had to add one more thing I was two steps from walking out the door and not looking back our 5 year old said something that stoped me dead in my tracks. But mommy if I dont have my daddy who is going to bring me teddies and give me pony rides she is such a sweetheart. Thanks again everyone with love flowerseed<p>[This message has been edited by flowerseed (edited December 31, 2000).]