This message is partially in response to Matthew's brillant letter to OW and partially seeking advice and comments from all the wonderful people who post here.<P>Matthew, Your're letter was right on the money!!! I was very tempted to forward your letter on to the awful OW in my life. She proclaims to be a "Christian," despite having committed adultery.<P>However, adultery is just the tip of the iceberg. When my husband told the OW that he and I were going to try to get custody of the baby (due in March), the OW told my husband that she'll kill the baby before she lets my H and I get custody. She said, "I hope your wife and you can be happy together knowing that you killed your baby." She is so awful. I really believe she may be the devil in disguise. Needless to say, this has put my H in quite a difficult situation. <P>OW doesn't want my H; she just wants the child support payment. H wants me to stay with him and raise the baby. The problem is that we can't let OW know that we are together or she may try to do something to the baby. Maybe she will do something, maybe she won't, but can H live with himself if she does? That is the problem. Should I hide relationship (it wouldn't be that hard because she has no transportation and lives 45 minutes away). H tells me that if I leave, he won't stop trying until he wins me back. He says he knows I'll be alive, but the baby won't be unless he caves in to her demands.<P>She knows that we would have a good chance of getting custody because her other children were taken from her before for neglect. Also, there is alot of other things about her that I won't get into here.<BR>Any comments would be greatly appreciated.<P>Dolphin

Dolphin:<P>Let the courts handle custody, visitation and any dialogue between you and your husband and the OW. Don't get sucked into her games and threats. She's grapsing at straws and manipulating the two of you in the process. You can report her to child welfare for her threats.<P>Now is the time for you and your husband to sever all communication with the OW. If you or your husband allow her to alter your marriage by forcing you two to pretend you are not together you are creating a monster OW with power she should not have under any circumstances-OC or no OC.<P>Take her power away by not responding to any communication and let the courts handle this AFTER the DNA results come in. your husband's ONLY concern should be you and your marriage. He should not concern himself with OW or OC. The OW is using the OC as a bargaining chip, as a threat and if she carries out any of her threats, she will have to face the legal system and God for her sins. It is not up to you or to your husband to cater to the whims of an unbalanced manipulator and if either of you allow this, your foolishness will create an unnecessary living hell for yourselves.<P>DON'T BUY INTO IT...YOU'LL LOOK LIKE CHUMPS AND THE OW WINS AND WILL MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE IDIOTS.<P>No contact except through legal means is the only way to handle this. Concentrate on each other and don't worry about what she does or does not do. Neither you or your husband can control her so why try. if anything happens, it is HER sin, not yours.<P>Catnip =^^=