Lady,<P>I just read your post to K and Noah, and hope you can help me a little. I have been posting since Oct, and would like some perspective from your point of view, having been in my shoes. I guess that my biggest concern is my feelings and fears of how my H may respond to this child. Did you go through times of doubt that your child would be accepted by your H? I have read and re-read threads and posts from K, Lynton, and Floored, and although I get the H's perspective on the situations, I would greatly appreciate hearing from another woman like me. I am due in 3 months, and my H has been very supportive in every way. There are just some days, and I feel that it is because of all these hormones going haywire, that I wonder if he really means it when he says that this baby will be like his own. There are many crazy things involved with this situation, mainly that the OM doesn't know, and that we hope to keep it that way. Does the bio-father of your child know? I just don't always get what I am looking for in some of the posts. I had posted to Neptune when I first got here, but have not heard from her, and would appreciate any help or advise you could give me at this time concerning my fears. <P>Thanks,<P>Tigger

Hi Tigger,<P>I am more than happy to help you in any way that I can. It has been difficult for me to post here but check in from time to time.<P>First, my H had a vasectomy after our last child and OM did not use protection therefore, there was no doubt that it was OM's child in my mind as well as his. However, at the time, I could not bring myself to tell H what had happened and risk losing my family. Looking back now, I know this was probably a mistake. H did NOT know that OC was not his (believing vasectomy had failed) until he was 9 months old at the time of discovery. It was very difficult for him to deal with as you can imagine as he had already come to think of him as his own and already loved him. However, even if he had known, I don't think it would have made a difference. He told me that he would have loved him no matter what and would not look at him any differently. <P>We have since worked out a legal arrangements with OM. He has seen him many times and it is very apparent that he loves him. My family knows but OM's family does not. OM is contemplating letting his parents know they have another grandson (as it is their right to know), but does NOT want W to know of our continued connection. Long story, but I have many reasons for believing in being honest with your family and children. (however late I may be in that logic) <P>Tigger, you have NO idea how lucky you are to have such a supportive and caring H! God Bless him! Do you have any other children? In any case, if you H has demonstrated his desire to love this child, you can rest assured that once he holds him in his arms, he will love him even more. <P>No matter what the circumstances are that surround his birth, a child is a gift from God and should be thought of no less than just that!

Yes, Lady, we have 2 other children, 10 and 8. In fact, my H posts here as well, he is Sailorman59, and recently posted about when to tell the kids. My H has also had a vasectomy after our last child, so it is the same here with knowing that it isn't his child. <P>As for not telling OM, he is very violent, which I found out when he forced me to tell my H about the A. He came over to the house, and when all was said and done, we asked him to leave, and he wouldn't, and one thing led to another, and OM threw the first punch. He is long gone now, but I still live with the fear of him finding out from one of the neighbors, which he still has occasional contact.<P>I thank you so much for responding! I do know how lucky I am to have the H that I do. I just wish that some of the other men on this site had wives that knew how lucky they are to have a H that supports them and the child they had outside of their marriage. I get so angry at those wives when I read what kind of pain they are putting their H's through. You have helped a lot, just by me knowing that you are here, and willing to help in any way you can.<P>I hope you have a great New Year.<P>Tigger