I'm winding up my second week of Plan B and I was just looking for some possible insight or suggestions. There have been a couple of instances that I picked up the phone without checking caller ID first and heard my W's voice, and then she came with her mom to drop kids off last Sunday. I'm not supposed to talk or see her at all, am I? I know this is a time for me to learn to live without my W, but I seem to be in a state of mind that makes motivation a real problem. I have never really felt depressed, but I guess I don't know what depression feels like. My kids keep me busy and then the little bit of time I actually have to work, I usually collapse on the couch and either fall asleep or watch a stupid program on TV. How do you get out of this rut? Also, to K, did it take long for your W to start coming around, or did she just suddenly appear out of the fog and want to reconcile? I know our situations are similar, but I know my W may act in the opposite way your W did. I feel like I'm wading through my "fog" right now, trying to figure out what to do next. Somebody help me!!<BR>Floored

Floored:<P>Never having been in Plan B, I have no first hand experience with it so I will defer to the experts...who should be coming along anytime...<P>As for depression, I know exactly what you mean! I am not a depressed person and don't get depressed as a rule. But these past two years have brought on a 'situational' depression that comes with trauma such as ours.<P>We're still in shock, Floored. It's over two years for me and I still find it difficult to get out of bed or off the couch at times. Tonight, however, I can't sleep at all (could be the mass quantities of coffee) and have been up all night fighting obsession, very depressed.<P>It comes and goes, Floored. Because we are simply responding to the events in our lives, our depression occasionally leaves allowing us to feel better, more like our old selves...until the next mental assault. The good news is, once we get through the tough times and through the process and our lives return to some form of normalcy, the crappy feelings will diminish and boughts of depression will occur less frequently.<P>You're still in the early stages with nothing resolved. Your situational depression is a given and probably something you should just accept and try to endure until decisions have been made and stabilty returns to your life. Some people medicate their way through it with anti-depressants and it works well for them. Me? I like to wallow and feel the full force of the pain to get it all out of the way as I go through all the stages. I am hoping this will bring me back to being myself in a shorter period of time. Either that or I am a glutton for punishment.<P>I didn't know about Marriage Builders when I was going through my husband's affair or through the early stages of our reconciliation. In my particular case, Plan B wouldn't have worked for me and would have catapulted my husband into divorcing me and marrying the OW and he'd be in NY right now with her and raising the OC. I did everything wrong according to the MB principles and rules, but then my husband is a sick man and mentally ill and I suppose the normal rules don't apply to us under the circumstances.<P>Plan B is a risk, but if done well, it can have remarkable results from what I have read here. Perhaps a call to Steve or Jenn Harley would give you the guidance you need to make a determination of how to proceed.<P>You'll be OK, Floored. The depression is just a symptom of the upheaval in your life and just something you'll have to go through to get to the other side. You're in my prayers. <P>Catnip =^^=

floored:<P>I'll reiterate what Catnip told you: you're in a transitional period right now, and it's going to be very hard on you. I would suggest that you think about going on antidepressants, if you're not on them already. I started them well before my Plan B efforts (and I'm a very upbeat person---my doctor said that I was handling the stress of my situation extremely well). It's a good precaution.<P>Start making some plans to get you out of the rut. I had a different situation---I separated from my wife and children. So instead of the TV, I put in a month or two of reasonably productive 18 hour days at work. I'd suggest that you start to make some "minor" plans to deal with your situation. Either take advantage of the time with the kids by planning activities (maybe one night a week or the weekend), and do some things you might not otherwise get to do (like reading, exercise, eating an entire cheesecake in one sitting---wait, scratch that last one...).<P>My situation was different than yours in that my wife became pregnant during the separation, not before. And she didn't really want to reconcile. What happened was that after she discovered the pregnancy, her world spun badly out of control. I decided to step back in to a "plan A" mode without her ending the affair---because it was an opportunity to demonstrate love to her during a difficult time. I also figured she would need to make a decision between our marriage and the OM---the pregnancy put her "on the clock".<P>Hang in there, floored. You're doing fine. Don't worry about the occasional "accidental" contact---your main issue is to no longer meet any of your wife's needs, and to protect yourself from her lovebusting.