I did. I couldn't function. Flowerseed did,same reasons. <P>Any one else?<P>It's been 7 wks. and I still can't "fake" a smile for that long.<P>I don't ever want to be a hairdresser again. I may still help with the books(H business) just not now.<P>Just wondering if you still work, how do you get through the day?<P> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Debi,<P>I didn't go to work the first day after D-Day, but it was only the affair, if you could call it that, that was the bomb. I cried and cried and couldn't go to work the next day. I went back after that and basically just went through the motions. I had no one I felt I could talk to about it and I was devastated. I only talked to hubby which at times I didn't feel up to.<P>The second D-day was about a year later, my memory gets really foggy with that time period, anyway he heard from his brother that she had had a baby and was saying it was his. So he told me and that was sickening. He called her and she said yes it was his, but she had wanted a baby and didn't need anything from him. I decided to leave it at that and pretend it never happened. can we say DENIAL?? total denial. he said he wanted nothing to do with the baby so i just went on with life.<P>3rd D-Day was June 2000. We got a little note in the mail saying we might be needing some legal help and so I went searching and found the court website and there he was. A bit later we got served with the court papers, I was really devastated and emotional. At work I had to deal with it. I just put on my happy face. But in the car, at home etc, I cried and was mad. <P>We could not possibly have lived on one income. I go to school and someone has to pay for that. But I think it would have made it worse. Saturdays, I used to sleep till 1 and 2 o'clock in the afternoon. Had I stayed home everyday, I would have just slept and been more miserable. Work was a needed distraction from my home problems.<P>Everyone is different. You had the whole thing dropped on you at once. Who knows how I might have reacted. Anyway, no matter what, we all react differently. There is no NORMAL reponse to this because it is not NORMAL. I don't mean that in a mean way, butyou know what I mean.<P>So, take care and don't let this stuff get to you. <P><P>------------------<BR>happy_girl

Gem, I worked after he told me he cheated he had told me it was a girl that he had meant on a job and it had happened only one time and he said he had realized how bad he had messed up and that was the reason for the 6 months of nutty behavior. I must have questioned him 100 times if he was telling me the truth and if there was any chance of a pregnacy. I had even asked him right from when the first words that came out about this if it was the sleeze he worked with that had been calling here all the time. He said no way why did I think that. Over and over no way of a pregnancy right up to the day before we got married he still stuck to the line of bull he had feed me. To me it didnt make sence that knowing him that he would even admitted to a one night stand because I would have never found out this was in May 1999. Last Nov 1999 I got a phone call from OW which was just who I thought it was saying she had his 2 week old son and wanted to know if he wanted anything to do with him. The betrayel I felt was unbearable that was when I quit my job. That has been my biggest problem is that he lied, lied ,lied and could let me marry him without telling me the truth see he knew about her being preg when she was 1 month. The thing that I had asked him so many times and begged him to tell me the truth and so I finally believed him only to find out it was all a bunch of s***. Its going to be a very long time before I can ever believe in him again if ever. I just dont know he has changed more than I ever thought he could, but it is so hard to believe in someone that has let me down as he has. How could he possibly have thought I would never find out. I think as long as there are never anymore lies about anything Ill make it that is up to him if there ever is Ill be gone. I am going to change the one person that I can and thats me if he doesnt choose to continiue down that road and do things right then he will be left in the mess he made. with love flowerseed

Gemini,<P>I quit my job 5 months after I found out, but I knew I was going to quit the whole time. I told everyone at work and they were very supportive. I loved my boss so I didn't want to just quit on him. I enjoyed work but I wanted to stay home with the kids and I also found out I was pregnant exactly one week after D-day. I was put in the hospital because I almost miscarried from all the stress. So I quit. I also told my H that I would never work my [censored] off to pay child support to some other woman. Well, she's no longer in the pic, but my sweet little baby is here and I love staying home with him. I don't plan to go back to work for a long time. And I know this sounds mean, but since D-day I can pretty much do anything I want when it comes to H. I also got new floors and furniture. See some good things did come out of this. HA!HA! <P>Well I hope you get to stay home as long as you like if that's what you want.<P>Hope your having a good day!!!<P>Eraser

Eraser, the part about working your a** off for ow child fits me too. My job was a nasty dirty job and thats my thoughts also. I am working but at home in a job that dose not feel like work. I love flowers and being creative so Iam doing what makes me happy. You are right some good does come out of all of this it took something really awful to make me quit and do what I really love doing. If I would have stayed I probly would have died of lung cancer. with love flowerseed

Gemini,<P><BR> I took a week off. I had a hard time getting out of bed for a week after D-day. <P> I was lucky to have an understanding employer. I have to make a concious effort not to dwell on this mess while I'm at work. Sometimes it's very hard, I don't know how, I just do it!<P><BR> God bless you, <BR> <P>------------------<BR><P>Gregg

Happy-Girl,Flowerseed,Eraser and Lynton,<P>We all sound the same in so many ways.<P>Must be a human response to what's happened to us.<P>Maybe someday I'll go back to work.<P>I just don't know what other job I'd like to do.<P> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Gem, when your ready find something that want to do you may find that you will like doing hair again. When I was where your at I didnt like anything. I would just sit in my gardens and cry. Something my little girl did that was so sweet. I was sitting outside crying my eyes out as I often did back then and she asked mommy whats wrong. I said mommy needs a new heart. She went and got this big iron heart that you stick in the ground and hang a basket on and gave it to me and said mommy I got you a new heart it was so cute. with love flowerseed

Flowerseed, out of the mouths of babes......<P><BR>Touching.....(I must be having pms again!)<P> Debi<BR> <P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

The week I found out (which D-Day anniversary is about 1 week away) I was shaken to the core. I work from home, so no one had to witness the blank stare on my face and shaking hands for all that week. I did tell my boss after a week or two and he is so very understanding. I have been allowed all the time I need to deal with this. But basically I clung to my job. I was so scared that I would be alone and taking care of these two boys. I have been so grateful for the company I work for and all the support they have given me. <P>But I do hate the thought that I work (even if it is from home) and money leaves our house to go to her. If I wanted to send several hundred dollars out the door each month I could have sure found a better way to spend it. <P>Take care... Carolyn

My job has been my life line. I have wonderful co workers and supervisor. They all know, we work very closely I had to tell them why I was crying all the time. They are so supportive and listen to me anytime, but also do not ask a lot of questions. In fact they do not ask at all, unless I want them to.<P>That very first day after D-Day I am so glad I went to work, otherwise I might have not gone back. The thought in my head was I may need to get out on my own with my two girls so I need to work and feel independant. But there is still (a mean) part of me that would love to quit now and say to H "Take care of me and the kids, I need to rest and recover, if you want to keep us so bad - work your butt off and get along without all of the extras you so crave." But that is just a little mean, nasty, vengeful part of me that I keep buried.<P>I'm not sure what I will do if in February we find out she really did have a baby and it is his. I want no part of providing money for this child. And no matter how you look at it I will be as indirect as it may be.<P>Well, I digressed, I will quit going on here.<P>Meanwhile - Go Vikes !<P><BR>Carrie

Taking Care and CarrieMom,<BR>I think it's incredible anyone here could function long enough to work a full day.<P>I know what you mean about having enough to live off of. In my case there wouldn't be child support my son is 21.<P>At first (day or two after d-day) all I would say is I'll never make enough $ to keep house on my own. I know that now. I hate not having a job where I could live in an appartment,afford my car and insurance,and still eat! HA!<P> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

gem, I get so mad at myself at times. I was at a point in my life when my h came to the conclusion he wanted his family and to unload his guilt that I didnt even need him . I made more money than most the men in this area plus was working on getting my business going . I was at the strongest I had ever been and he brought that all down with one sentence. He was never around I was ready to move on. Sometimes I wish he would have just left me alone . I think this time of year really gets to me since this is when he got the slut pregnate. with love flowerseed