Has anyone had problems with friend of the court when H paycheck is garnished for child support. I called them today they were making him go back to court for not paying when he has not missed any payments. They said they have only recieved 2 payments one in Nov and 1 yesterday he has been paying since May of last year. It took me telling them 5 times that it is taken out of his paycheck every week before I could get it threw her head. I had to ask them to send me proof of what payments they have since this started. To me it seems like thats what they would have done in the first place instead of sending harrassing mailings all the time.This dim wit was still saying he had to come to court. I had to tell her how can you expect to get the support if you want him to take off time from work to come in there for something he has been paying. She said she would ask if the court date could be dropped. I asked her while she was at it to see about the DNA test fees they should be dropped now that has been payed off. She told me she couldnt give me any information on that it was between my h and ow. I just said oh really. I wanted to say more but kept my mounth shut. When she came back she had a diffrent attitude said that he didnt have to go to court but if it happened again that he would have to come and his employer to.I asked her if employer has the right to send it in once a month. That was his employers understanding she said it had to be sent in weekly. If his paychecks are garnised wouldnt they ? the employer first as to why there not sending it? I swear this woman acted like she is buddys with the ow even called her my her first name. Also there figures and what he has been paying dont add up there saying he owes more than what he actually does. Ill find out more when I get the papers from them as to what money has went where. I am finding myself getting angry at h when I shouldnt be eckkkk. Feel better now just had to vent. <P> with love, flowerseed

We are not on court program. But my brother has been through that type program. They take $$ from his check & if it doesn't get to OW on time he gets penalized and fined and drug back to courst. This is primarily sponsored by OW. Now that he and OW are getting along (my sister-in-law dies 18 months ago), the OW doesn't seem to be interested in pushing court. Funny isn't it?<P>Last year the state sent OW a big check for several months they had collected, but mailed it to wrong address. The check was cashed by someone at the wrong address. The last I heard OW still had not received funds on that, since state was going to have to try to figure out who they mailed check to, prosecute to get $$ back, then send it to her. <P>God help me, if we end up involved in that type of mess I will leave the country! I will not have OW hauling H into court at a whim. <P>God bless you flowerseed for the mess you are having to put up with. <P>Take care... Carolyn

taking care, Thanks I kinda though it was to do with the thing whining to the courts all the time. When my h got home I told him how they acted he was pee off said next time he talks to them he will make it clear that I have every right to get information. That made me feel much better. I cant understand why they think they cant tell me if the test are paid off. Since we are the ones paying it not missy sponge. My h still seems to think his employer has the right to send money once a month. But what they are saying is they only got 2 checks about 6 months apart ha ha for her if that is the case. with love flowerseed

flowerseed, you are scaring the cr*p out of me! we are waiting for the DNA test results and then will be having the child support payments deducted from his checks as mandated by the state. i hope they aren't as messed up as it seems your states child support division is. i know we could pay it on time easier directly to the courts, i always worry we will have problems with this. but it is much better than any direct dealing with the OW, so i shouldn't complain.<P>was the OW on welfare or anything? ours was, and she didn't decide to go to courts until child was 2 1/2, so we have all that in arrearages to pay. eek. that freaks me out too. we will never buy a house now. oh well.<P>anyway, let me know if you figure out anyway to get along with these supposed friends of the courts.<P>take care.<BR><P>------------------<BR>happy_girl

happygirl, I will know more of whats going on when they send the papers. Dont be scared I really think this little ***** has been doing alot of whineing so they know her quit well. I dont believe she is on state aid because when she worked with my h she made good money and had insurance. I believe what is happening is the employer is sending it monthly and whine [censored] wants it every week.Ahh lets all feel sorry for her.Lets hope you get results back in your favor. The courts where the ones that ordered it to come out of his checks thats why I dont understand why they are handleing it the way they are. with love flowerseed<p>[This message has been edited by flowerseed (edited January 11, 2001).]

My H and I have had the same problems with the court system. In the last two months, the OW has gotten extra $1150, because child support didn't correct the paperwork. They should have made changes because everything was paid up. But no one told us, that we have to inform them that THEIR paperwork was caught up. Then we were told that we have to call them and tell them to send a new updated report to his employer. Then his employer got it late. The didn't stop the court order to his military drill, so she got that too. Mind you her child support payment is $600 a month. So what did child support say to us about this mess. That if we want the money back, we have to ask HER for it. It was their mistake. And he doesn't get credit towards any other months, cause that would make sense. So yesterday I spoke to an attorney, he said if we paid about $400 in fees, we might be able to get that money credited, nice huh? And child support's attitude, was if my H wants to send the OW extra money that he can. Of course he didn't want to send her anything, they were just taking the money out of his checks. So needless to say I understand you frustration with a system who cares not about being equal. But acts as if any woman who has given birth must be a saint, and that any man in this situation must have done it all by himself. Here we are in a situation of paying out the nose for a non existent relationship, and their are men who were married, and had families who don't pay. But all the men are treated as if they are the ones who never pay. It is very frustrating. <P>babstr.

babstr, you are soo right. it infuriates and truly frightens me. sometimes i feel like we should stop all planning until the verdict of how much my H will be robbed of every month for the next 15 years. but then i think that we should just go on with life how we have it now. it is so frustrating. i love my H dearly but it is times like these when i think why me? why do i stay? why can't i just move on and be alone? the answer of course is that we are much stronger than any amount of money. but it will be hard. all the plans we had, the dreams, are now going to be put on hold because of the OW and her little OC. i get bitter sometimes, i can't help it. i think it is completely unfair. that we will be paying for this for a long long time. <P>but, money is not everything. i know people with lots of money and they aren't as happy as my H and me. yes, it will put a big damper on our financial situation. and i won't finish school as soon as i wanted, but we will be okay. if we have to legally divorce so she gets none of my money, so be it. we can get married when the kid turns 18. but we will make it. she will not win. our love and marriage is too strong for that to happen.<P>just beware guys, the reality of all this is soon to come when those DNA results come in and my h's paychecks are suddenly a lot less. he is in denial land right now, but when IT hits the fan, i am sure i will be here with all my feelings. this is only the beginning for us, luckily for us we had the added benefit of not really having to deal with the OC thing until now. it has given us time to strengthen our marriage and made it much easier for us to deal with all these problems.<P>sorry i rambled. H is working out of town and i am all one, with my kitty of course.<P>love, happy_girl

Flowerseed,Takingcare,Happy-girl and Babstr,<P>This totally scares me.Along with Catnips problems. I feel sick to my stomach!<P>I will be following these posts. Especially Babstr, we're from Ohio too.<P> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

I am curious as to how many of you went to court or went with h when he had to go to things to do with ow. In my case I have been with him at all meetings there is no way that I wont make my presents known. I feel that I cant let the ow make it look like she is just another poor little victim raising a child on her own. They had to see the pain in my face and I made it known that just by my presents that she was a immoral person trying to take what she had no business taking. If they think that this is just between my h and ow they have definitely got another thing coming. It has got to be awful for those of you that have to hide from the courts what these evil sluts have done. I just dont think in alot of these cases they realize what has went on. I dont know maybe I am wrong thinking our world cant be this immoral. happygirl I think you will still be able to get your house. There is a limit as to how much back support they can take each week. In our case she only gets $5.00 a week. I would think at the most they could take wouldnt be more than 20.00. Keep being happy dont let this get to you for those ow that cant cause troble any other way, This is there last chance dont let them get away with it. with love flowerseed

gemini,<P>Where in Ohio do you live? I just wanted to let you know that my case is in Illinois. Because we moved here just three months ago. But the OW and OC are in Illinois where we used to live. But I will tell you that I know for a fact in Ohio, that they can get the wife's money. My aunt said that if she wanted she could go for her ex-husband's new wife's money. She never would but she told me that it is like that here. I can't believe that. So if you work you better watch out. I haven't been keeping up on everyone here so that is why I don't know off hand about your work situation, sorry. <P>babstr.

babstr, Now that would really be the iceing on the cake. I dont know how I would handle myself if they would have tried to include my income in on this. I think I would have needed a bottle of tranquilizers. I live in Michigan I though they could do that here to but that was one thing they made clear that they were baseing it on only my h income. We are not really that far from each other how far are you from cedar point? with love flowerseed

I got the papers that woman I talked to yesterday was totally full of s***. She sat right there and lied they have recieved every payment he has made since May 5 of 2000. They have not gave him credit for any of the back support that he has paid. Now Iam really pissed they dont know what the hell they are doing. I ll let ya know more when I figure out what can be done with these brain tumors. with love flowerseed<P>------------------<BR>`Look ahead or you will find yourself behind.<p>[This message has been edited by flowerseed (edited January 12, 2001).]

Well, I just spent a few hours down at Juvenile Court finishing up final custody of my niece. Funny how no one is standing there saying "here is $$ that you should get to raise her". Of course, if I file for any state aid, then they will "help" me go after her father (my brother) for $$. Same situation as the OW/OC. They really don't care about welfare of child when it gets down to it.<P>While I was there I watched the parade of men rushing in to make it to the Payment window, cash in hand. I watched females not old enough to be out of high school wagging around babies, there trying to collect their support. After an hour I shut my eyes and tried to blank out all the craziness. It makes me very sad that all these unprepared girls are keeping children instead of adoption. If they thought they would be 100% on their own in raising them they might not be so willing to get pregnant & keep child. The system of welfare and child support has propped up a horrible system of what I consider "planned child abuse and neglect"<P>It is a horribly abused system. Designed to allow children of a marraige a method of support, and yes, to be maintained in their "prior to divorce lifestyle". The folks who never marry do not have a lifestyle to support for their children. The OW in my brothers' case was always upset that my niece had better lifestyle than her son did. Well at the time my SIL worked and had a Phd from Vanderbilt University. Of course the child she & my brother had was going to have a better life style. But OW resented it & constently hauled him to court trying to up her $$, medical, etc. Right now my brother & OC both maintain EXCELLENT medical benefits from my deceased SIL. That really ices the cake, that OC benefits from the legal wife 18 months after she is deceased. <P>I am so tired right now. Time to sit back & hug my boys. Take care.. Carolyn

Carolyn/Takingcare:<P>There's a special place in heaven for you. Taking on your niece is brave and kind and loving. She's a lucky girl to have you there for her when her world seems like it is in pieces.<P>I agree with you completely about the support laws responsible for "planned child abuse and neglect". It makes it so easy for these ill equipped people to have a vulnerable child at their mercy. <P>Every night on the news we hear of horrific cases of children suffering at the hands of these soul-less, selfish people. The system not only rewards these people with taxpayer money, they make it OK to keep the child rather than giving it up to a decent adoptive home. The stigma has been removed in our casual sexual society and promotes this tragic lifestyle.<P>Thanks you for bringing this to the forefront and reminding us of how truly corrupt our system is.<P>Catnip =^^=

Babstr I'm from Youngstown.<P>Everyone else, there was a radio show on "for childrens rights" where my H and I were listening to the guy say no matter what the circumstances the father should make himself available to the c growing up to ensure c has 2 parents who love c! Other stuff too....well my H said he begged her for abortion but it's out of his hands and he has to face this like a man....<P>What does that mean? I don't know. This is killing me slowly. I can't hang on till May. I'm scared to love again because I don't know what his plans are. I'm leaning towards divorce anyway as after reading "after the affair" I actually allowed myself to THINK what he did and I don't think I will ever not be so very deeply hurt as to move on with him.<P>We have a family session on Monday. My SON has been having what they call panic attacks and began Zoloft Thursday. He's fearful Dad will RAISE c and forget him. Session is for son to be honest with dad. I think he will be cautious and not say things he's told me out of fear of rejection.....<P>I hate what my "friend" and h did to my son and me.<BR>He had the nerve to say I was always on his mind,during and after the times he fu***d her. I just don't believe or trust him. If that was true why did he do her again a time or two a month? WHY? If I was first in his life ? UUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!<P> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Gem, I think most of these people who think they have all the answers as to how things should be done just dont have a clue as to how horrible this really is. All of us that how been thru this know how you feel. All I can say is I understand and I am sorry. takincare, You are so right about this messed up world as catnip said their is a special place in heaven for you give your neice a hug from all of us she is a lucky girl to have you in her life. with love flowerseed

Gem,<P>I can answer your question about why? I think I've finally figured it out. Because most men (not all) but most are weak and totally visual. They seperate sex from love without any thoughts. To them, having sex with a woman other than their wives has nothing to do with their love for their wives, it's just satisfying a physical urge/need or whatever they call it. It's wrong, no question about it. And it hurts and can have devastating consequences. I think if I've realized nothing else out of this it's that sex for men doesn't mean the same thing as sex for us women. It's not an explanation or an excuse, it's just my observation and one that I don't think I'll ever be able to totally accept. However, listening to my H try to explain how having sex with the ow meant no more to him then having sex with a prostitute has helped me in my healing. I believe him. He has told me repeatedly that he never made love to her, he only f****d her. I believe it. It still hurts, but it does make a difference to know that there was never any emotion, love or tenderness there. It all helps with my daily healing. I hope this may help you too. <P>Comfort<P>------------------<BR>Remember the sunshine when the storm seems unending...

comfort, that is so true. my husband feels the same way. it was sex for him and nothing more. and definitely more expensive than a prostitute. at least they usually don't come looking for you if they get pregnant, it would have been a lot cheaper... sorry, that sounds bitter. but anyway, i totally believe that there is a big difference between what sex means to men and women. granted i've known some women who acted more like men and i am sure there are men out there who see sex as more than just a physical thing.<P>i heard something on the radio the other day, it was that <B>women need to be emotionally fulfilled to be sexual, and men need to be sexually fulfilled to be emotional.</B> not a direct quote, but was something to that effect. made perfect sense. something to think about i guess.<P>as for the visual stuff, he had to have closed his eyes because she is not anything to look at, he can't even use the excuse he was drunk because he doesn't drink. ick.<P>nice to see ya around comfort!!<P>happy_girl