I've been lurking awhile and posting just a little but I have to get something off my chest. Someone said to me today that if a married man has an affair and the woman gets pregnant it was his decision and he should have to live with the consequences.<BR>I would like to tell you about the decisions my H made.<BR>1. He decided to have an affair.<BR>2. He decided to have unprotected sex.<BR>I hold him responsible for both of the decisions. Now let me tell you about the decisions she made.<P>1. She decided to sleep with a married man.<BR>2. She decided to have unprotected sex.<BR>3. She decided to lie about being on the pill.( confirmed by a friend of hers)<BR>4. She decided to buy a fertility test to determine when she could get pregnant. ( also confirmed by a friend of hers )<BR>5. After the affair ended she decided not to tell my H she was pregnant. ( She knew what he would have said )<BR>6. She decided to keep this child and not put it up for adoption. ( Again she knew what he would have said )<BR>7. 18 months after OC was born she decided to have someone call me and tell me all about it.<P>Now I know my H played his part and like I said I hold him responsible . But who does it look like was doing all the decision making to you ?<BR>

jtigger, amen!! why are the men and us wives always the bad guy with the OW being the innocent one. it is disgusting. it truly makes me ill to think of it. sounds like she got what she wanted. i am sure that the OW knew exactly when she was fertile, she came after him the last time they had sex after it he had stopped their little sex affair. she played on his emotions, crying to him how she loved him, etc, and ended up screwing him. who knew it would be literally and now financially. she said she wanted a baby, and i know she set out to get pregnant. all too weird. but, i know my h allowed himself to get screwed by her, which is sad too.<P>take care and glad you are posting more.<P>happy_girl

Jtigger, a lot of here seem to have pretty much the same story. I almost think alot of people that have not been through this think because we stay and are working on saving our familys that we are weak or there must me something wrong with us. If they only knew just how much strenth it takes not to wring these sluts necks. So h are made out to be the bad guy and we are just the stupid little wifes that stay it sounds awful but I think thats what a lot of people think that dont have a clue as to what we are going throu. As happy just said I am glad your posting more to. with love flowerseed<P>------------------<BR>`Look ahead or you will find yourself behind.

I totally agree. It ticks me off. My friends support me but I know they all think I am crazy. And I also agree with the decisions that are made. I know I have mentioned it before. But in my case, my H was passed out, talk about her making a decision, and passed out in a car. Plus, he was second guy she has done this too. She collects support from the first sucker. So basically she has two daughters, two different fathers. No relationships, and gets a lot of money from two suckers. In fact she told me that she would have been happy if my H just visited once a month, and brought some diapers. She built her world the way she wanted, she could have cared less if it was a traditional family. So if that is what she wanted, why do we pay for her way of life. <P>Isn't it funny how a woman who goes to a sperm clinic, and volunteers to have a child is on her own. But if a woman stalks out a man, waits for her opprotunity, and gets pregnant, she gets the bonus of support money. Gee, why would any woman go to a clinic, oh I remember, those women are responsible for their actions. Gee, no one complains about the injustice for those children, why is that? You would think the courts would insist that those children get support from two patents also. I bet it won't be long before even that isn't a private matter. I am rambling, again.<P><BR>babstr.<P>

I don't normally post on threads like this, but in this case, I feel the urge to do so. In our case, the OM and I were "together" for about 4-5 mos, while my H was halfway around the world. The OM knew my cycles, and about 2 mos before my H was due back, started asking about me getting pregnant. Now that I think about it, it was when I was really feeling the guilt of what I had been doing, but by then, he was basically emotionally blackmailing me into staying in the relationship. He knew, deep down, that I wanted to end it, and wished I had never done what I had done. So, he began to scheme. When my H got home, I was in so much pain for what I had done to him, but didn't know what to do. OM started to come over all the time, and I would try to stay inside, or just be near my H and not him. Then, he comes up with this scheme of him supposedly being blackmailed, about us. The letter said that he was to get me pregnant, or they would go to my H and his W. He continued with this bull s*** for about a week. I became suspicious, and marked, very lightly, his printer paper(I was taking care of his dog while he was at work), and low and behold, the next "letter" had that light pencil mark, about 3 inches long, right on the front of the page. I took it, didn't tell him I had found it, and when he said that "they" had called him at work to see if I had, I lied. Then, he accused me of writing these letters. It's amazing what the OP will do when they know it's the end, and they have lost. He basically forced me to admit to my H about the A, then refused to leave, and was taunting my H, after he was asked to leave by both of us. My H finally had enough, and threatened OM. OM then attacked my H. From that day on, I have had no wanted contact w/OM. He tried, before he was kicked out of housing, but I refused, even have a harrassment filed against him. I went to his "trial" for the assault/adultry, and that night, went out with my H(H was at the "trial" too.) Of course, OM just happened to show up there, and didn't say a word to me, but would say things like, "How's it feel to sit next to a slut?" and "I could have f***** her today" He was trying to get my H to stoop to his level. We left, while a guy from my H's work, who was about 4 inches taller, and much bigger than OM had taken him outside to have a little talk with him. OM left here about 1 week later. I received one email from him, that just asked if I missed him yet. I didn't respond, and my H has the password to all of my accounts. I just hope that OM never finds out I am pregnant. We knew about 2 weeks before he left, but never said anything to him. We spent almost a month in fear, due to threats the OM made to me and to a friend about hurting my H.<P>I guess with all this rambling, I was just trying to state that in our case, the OM was trying to get me pregnant. He was hoping that my H would leave me, and I would run to him. I am, by no means, putting your H's into the same spot. Just stating that I understand your feelings about those who purposely got pregnant to "trap" your H's, either for money, or in the hopes of keeping your H for themselves. I didn't want to, nor did I try to get pregnant. In fact, when OM would mention it, I would tell him, under no uncertain terms, that I never wanted to be pregnant again. I had my 2 beautiful children, and was done with all the diapers, potty training...etc... I understand your anger with the OW, especially those that it has been proven purposely got pregnant. I like babstr's analogy of the woman who goes to a sperm clinic to have a child. Those women do it for the love of the child, not money or coveting someone else's H.<P>I hold myself responsable for this pregnancy, and am very lucky that my H loves me enough to accept this child as his own. With 9 weeks to go, I am tending to get more nervous, and he puts up with these wild mood swings. I just have to be able to forgive myself for what I have done to get past the stage that I am at. That has been the hardest point for me right now. I know, it's been over 6 mos since D-Day, but I am still struggling with my own forgiveness. I guess it actually took typing this all out for me to realize what exactly has been bothering me. I am sorry for rambling, and will leave you with this request. Please pray for me to be able to get to the point of self forgiveness, so that I can become the mother/wife that my family needs again. I know that my kids and H love me very much, and I guess I am having a very hard time dealing with what I have done to them.<P>Thank you,<P>Tigger

Guys I asked my H why after it was over did he "do" her again and he said he felt sorry for her.... also if he didn't she would tell me..... Oh what a spider web! A plan so well played out for the purpose of maybe feeling sorry for her again?<P>No! He's greatful to have his "life" back.<P>He never loved her. All they shared was a few orgasms.<P>How could she think a baby would change that?<P>I love him and hate the deceit.<P>I don't care what friends think.<P>It's my life....as BonJovi would say.<P> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Not all decisions are equal. And there are some assumptions that were made in each one of the affairs our WS were involved in. The men are guilty of the assumption that women are just happy with sex. What gets me is that once a woman is pregnant there is so much fluff about the weighty decision on keeping baby, and how it is her body, her life, etc. Well, if she values her life so much, why did she not take batter care and make better decisions about the position she put herself into? These are NOT rape victims.<P>Babster, good point about the sperm clinic. The OW in our case was looking to have a "life" and that included a child. If she went to sperm clinic well, then she would get all the cash she is getting. <P>Carolyn

I share many of the views already expressed about the OW getting to make all the decisions that determine so many other lives. <P>I really want to thank Tigger4jdt for sharing her story again. It amazed me to hear that the desperation level is the same for either the man or woman in an affair that is ending but they want it to continue. It is just unfortunate that an innocent child is the weapon of choice in the battle to hold onto a fading romance.<P>- Heavenly<BR>

I share a lot of the opinions of the people who post here...It is the OW making a lot of the decisions; yes; our H screwed up and yes they are responsible for their own actions; However OW are worse than our misguided H...They prey upon these weak men who are non confrontational; so they wont tell their wives...and they prey upon them at their weakest moments..In my case...My career began to flourish and I began to make more money than H....to offset this H told me how he wanted to have another child (several problems with this brain child-1. I almost died during the births of both my s and d 2. My tubes were tied at the recommendation of my doctor) He was very upset about m refusing to get this reversed...He wanted a way for my career to slow down so that we could be on "equal levels" again...However I never saw it as unequal...he was misguided and confused; OW preyed upon this...H wouldnt discuss his emotions or feeling with me..He just let it fester until he couldnt hold it in anymore and BAM!! OW steps in at the perfect weak moment and they end up in bed....She wanted another child...She told my H that she was using the pill...She knew he wanted another child that I couldnt give him....and here we are...She waited and preyed upon him like a snake waiting for it's prey...I dont excuse my H for what he has done and continues to do because she is still controlling his every move; partially because they work together and she has made several threats of sexual harrassment...and my H isnt smart enough to consult with his attorney on this...If he had any common sense at all; he would know that she couldnt prove it because she did have his baby intentionally and she asked HIM to move in with her...SHE preyed upon him and made it look like it's his fault....OW made the decision to sleep with H; OW made the decision to make a baby with a married man; and they will eventually answer for there evil and deceitful actions..maybe not today; maybe not tomorrow; but take comfort ladies...They arent happy; they arent happy to have these children they USED to trap our H; they arent happy because WE will always be a thorn in their sides and they will always have to be looking in the rearview mirror at us; regardless of whether our H come back to us or stay with them!!!! I can take comfort in that...<P>aloneandsad (Missy)