With my W's pending delivery..possibly any minute..at 26 wks, I need some advice. I have gone through this whole ordeal acting as the caring husband for my benefit as well as my W's, but I don't see how I can continue this facade. My D goes to a Christian school and they pray for my W every day and every day her teacher asks how my W is. I try and act supportive and caring toward my W, but I'm sure they think I'm the biggest heel because they know I don't see her. My church family prays often for my W and most don't even know she is pregnant. I really don't care what people think, but as a Christian I don't want to be perceived as cold and calloused and non-Christian. I know I would have a lot of support if they only knew the truth. Is there any acceptable explanation for this situation? It's easy to say I am taking care of the kids, so I can't be with my W, but I'm tired of the lies. Is it better to protect my W and not tell the truth just in case she decides to reconcile? If this baby is born now, it will have to stay in the NICU for at least 2-3 months. I want to be prepared when people want to see pictures of the baby and I don't have any, or know what the baby's name is, etc. I know I am worrying, hopefully too much about not much, but still, I need advice.<BR>Floored

floored,<P>As a Christian, you ought to be less worried about how people perceive you, and more interested in acting in the Christian faith. I wouldn't encourage you to lie, but these people don't need to know the entire truth either.<P>If push comes to shove, I would just tell them that you're currently separated from your wife, and that you're taking care of your children. Nothing else at this point.

K,<BR>Thanks for the input. I understand your point, but it is still hard to act caring toward my W, when I really don't feel caring. I thought about whether or not to give OM a copy of my Plan B letter. Is that a good idea, especially at this point? Did you or any other Plan B'ers give the letter to the OP? I could have it given to him, I just don't want to do it personally. I am hoping with all this premature birth stress, that OM will be overwhelmed and get out, but not sure what a "stand up kind of guy" he really is.<BR>Floored

Although I never gave the OM a copy of my Plan B letter (in fact, I never contacted him about anything), it's not a bad idea, and I know that there are those who have been coached by the Harley's who have done so.<P>But for you to doso right now---it smacks of intimidation. How will your wife see it---probably as a attempt to push her love away from her. What's more important is that the letter will probably have little effect; it's more important that she see the OM for the true person he is, without you helping or interfering in the process (so you don't get blamed).<P>I'm sure that it's hard to "act caring" towards your wife. But how hard? If it's going to significantly drain your love for her, then don't do it. If you tell your church the *real* truth, not only will you have lots of support, but you have a ton of support from well-intentioned women who think you're the greatest thing since sliced bread.<P>You're very vulnerable to an affair right now. My advice to you is to protect yourself from any situation that would exacerbate these chances. If you tell your church members too much, you'll be dealing with that.<P>Being GOOD in a Christian sense isn't always easy or happy. Ask Christ to help you with this burden---He doens't promise you happiness in this world, but He does in the next.

I screwed up K. Earlier today my W called looking to talk to my D, who is usually off on Friday's. I answered without checking the caller ID and she asked for my D, I told her she was at school, but didn't leave it at that. It was nice to hear her voice and I asked her how she was and how the baby was. Everything is ok for now, but she has to stay in the hospital until delivery..probably within a week. I then told her that I wished I could be there and that I loved her. She responded to both comments as "I know." I see now how dumb it is to talk with WS while in Plan B, because it just brings back a lot of the pain. I thought it was innocent to talk to her, but I now know that was bad judgement. To top it off I heard a man talking in the background and just assumed that it had to be OM..not that it could have been a doctor, other patient, nurse, etc. I was convinced it was OM, which just made matters worse. Anyway, I didn't LB, just support. Do you think that sets me back or was that 2-3 minutes just a learning experience for me?<BR>

floored:<P>You crack me up . That was a minor blip. Don't even spend another second worrying about it. Remember, when you DO have contact with your wife, you always want it to be respectful and caring (if somewhat businesslike). You don't want to lovebust---just keep it brief.<P>You did fine. Perfect, in fact. Enjoy your weekend, and don't worry about this.